YOUR BEAUTIFUL
Unlucky. That's all I felt when I woke up this morning. From the very beginning of my days to the very end. It's all I ever feel. I used to tell myself, "People will like you if you just be yourself. And if they don't then fuck them". That was my thought process, until I realized I am the fucking problem. No on wants to be around me or tries to get to know me, then I start to feel like 12 year old girl eating lunch in the bathroom because no one gave a shit about her.
I get up to make breakfast, only to see the eggs and pancakes sitting front there waiting for me with a note. "I'll be back in a couple of hours baby, make sure you eat. I will check before you try to lie. Love you." My girlfriend, Tatter. When I first got to Korea, I had no one and could barely speak the language until I met her. My Sun.
Flackback
"I'm literally never going to find this place. I could've sworn that nice-looking lady said, "Take a left. Now that I think about she didn't look that nice and now that's what I get for trusting old people." I start to rush around the street trying to find a bus stop, it's getting dark outside and I have no fucking clue where I am. Until I bump straight into someone, already fed up with everything I immediately go off on them.
"What the fuck is wrong with you, can't you look or see at all? I'm literally going through shit right now and everything is shit and omg fuck." I yelled out at the person without looking at them. Then I hear laughing, which pisses me off even more, and I look uo ready to fight at this point until I see her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to knock into, but I've kinda been watching you talk to yourself and have a meltdown for a minute. I thought you were crazy. " She says, trying to hide her laugh.
I'm not paying attention to anything she is saying. It's hard to focus, she's so fucking beautiful. Then I realize I'm staring, "Guess you are no help." She gives me her hand to help me up. That's right. I've been sitting on the ground staring at her for the past few minutes. So, not smooth, Kat. "I actually was going that way. You can come with me. Unless you would like to continue your conversation with yourself." I stare at her for a while again. "I'll come with you, but only because you know that way." She laughs loudly. "That's fine, I'm Tatter, by the way. I look around, confused. "That's a unique name, I'm Kat short for Kathleen." I said smiling maybe we might become friends.
Present time
Looking back is such a weird thing for me. How different I was is wild. You see, dating Tatter is amazing. It always has been until well I happened, I guess. It's like my brain has never allowed me to be happy. From being extremely insecure to unhappy, I don't know how she deals with me. The thing that bothers Tatter most is my body dysmorphia. Almost everyone I see are people she hangs with, that's skinny, beautiful, talented girls. And as much as I try to hate them, I hate that I can't ever find any flaws. Unlike me, whose flaws are so evident. I've never been skinny, I am I'm a thick girl. Some would say slim thick.
Until they see the belly, and the stretch marks all on my thighs and stomach. I try to work out, but it's hard. I mean, going to the gym is scary. All those people around me are judging my size and weight. Then Tatter is a dancer, a great one at that. She always tries to get me to show up to her classes or hang out with her friends, I know she will eventually feel like I'm blowing her off, but I'm ashamed. Ashamed of myself, my girlfriend is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and hangs out around other beautiful women. Yet her girlfriend looks like a fucking horror movie.
I've been sitting her losing track of time before I her the door open and Tatter stepping in with a bag in her hand. "Hey, bubble, I'm back. And you won't believe it while we were at the mall just window shopping. I saw the most beautiful dress. And I got it." She tells me while smiling. She is always smiling, ughh she is so fucking gorgeous it hurts. She pulls out the dress to show me. It's a long, backless dress, with a slit going down the right leg. "You seeing was literally made for you. It's pretty right? Well, it's gonna look even pretty with you in it tonight, at the crew dinner." Oo shit, crew dinner, I forgot that was tonight. It's too late to make my an excuse on the spot and bail. I just look at her nodding, "yea it's pretty."
She pushes me in the room and tells me to start getting ready. I sit there contemplating my life while staring at the dress. It's really pretty, but will it still look the same on me. I turn my hand and notice Tatter is walking around getting ready as well. She is wearing pants, a and sweater. Though it's really tight fit to her body and makes her curves pop. I paid attention to the dress again and finally decided to put it on. "OK, I mean this sint that bad. It could be worse." I tell myself until I hear my phone go off. So much for motivational pep talk. It's a notification from some random girl I don't remember following on Instagram. "Hey, her dress is similar to mine."
There it is, happening like always. I start to overthink and analyze every detail about myself. Making comparison after comparison. "We look like we're wearing two completely different things." I notice, what the fuck did I expect. She is skinny and pretty, and I'm me. I look out the bedroom door to see Tatter, happily walking apurnd the room finished with getting ready. "What am I doing? This is stupid." I walk outside the bathroom and tell her I'm ready she notices my expression and stops." What's wrong?" I just look at her. What could she possibly like about me. "Nothing, let's go." I tell her to end the conversation before it even starts. I'm not gonna fuck this up for her, I'll just hand with her crew and come home and cry about it later. It's not her fault I'm like this.
She grabs my arm as I walk out of the room. Turning me around to face her. "You look beautiful." No, no, please don't do this now. I was so close to keeping it together. "The dress was made for you, baby." I look at her with a pleading face. "Please stop, don't lie to me, I'm aware of how I look." She immediately frowns up when I start to cry. I was seriously trying to avoid this. "What are you talking about? I'm not lying. Why are you crying, baby? What happened?" I really can do this right now. " I happened, how can you stand here and tell me this fucking delusions. I look fucking disgusting, I always look nasty and hard to look at. So let's just get this over with and go see your friends, please." She grabs me and stands right behind me.
So closely, I can feel her breath on my neck. I look up, and we are facing a mirror. I try to move or pull away, but she has a firm grip on me. Keeping me in place, being forced to stare at myself. "Look, what do you see? I stare back at her. "Our reflections, what else would I see. She cuts me off before I can throw out another remark. "No, tell me what you really see. Do you want me to go first? I see the most beautiful women I've ever laid eyes on. The same woman I bumped into on that dead-end street that cursed me out for a solid 5 minutes. The same woman that lights up a room whenever she walks into it. The woman who works so hard not only takes care of others but makes sure to put everyone above herself. But most of all, I see the absolutely gorgeous curvy girl tempered girl I fell in love with the moment I walked her to the bus stop. I don't love you because of your looks baby. I smile while crying fully now, "That sounded like a backhanded ass complement Tatter", I say while slightly laughing.
"My love, will you shut up and let me finish or so help me, God? I continue laughing and gestures for her to continue. "Like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, I don't love you because off your looks, they are simply a bonus to the full premium package you've come with. My view of you hasn't changed since that day. You're beautiful." She tells me while kissing my shoulder and rubbing my stomach. "I love you to Tatter, so so much. You wouldn't even begin to believe." She smirks before saying, "My speech was better, but I'll let you live. "Wow, and you are an asshole." I tell her before she grabs my waist holding me. "Now let's go to that dinner, baby. I'm pretty sure Bada is ready to call the fire department to check on us."
(P.S. this is a shoutout to all my insecure girlies, including myself. Remember, you are beautiful. We were made with diversity, and that's a beautiful thing. Big, small, and midsized are just different versions of gorgeous.)
Jealousy
Some say jealousy is an ugly trait. Well, they haven't been in a relationship with Korea's top choreographer. And they especially haven't met Tatter. That bitch is like a roach that won't die. I've tried on multiple occasions to bring up the issue to Bada, though she just gives me constant reassurance. Most would be satisfied with that, "Baby, you're the only woman for me. You're the only one I see. I don't even waste my time thinking about anyone else."
Now, sure, that's amazing, and I love her for that until Tatter steps doing some shit. From the fake tears to looking out for hugs and kisses on the cheek. It's like she lives off the attention. She is sneaky with it, waiting til she believes I'm no longer in the room. Out of site out of mind for her. It's hard to talk to Bada about it, though. She sees Tatter as her little sister. Sadly, Tatter doesn't share the same mindset. Even going as far to fake as being insecure in situations gets some attention.
You see one thing I had to get used to wad the touchy movements. I mean I had met BEBE before I was dating Bada. Even then it was a bother to me. I'm not a touchy person, but Tatter sure is. The slick shit she does when she thinks I'm not around is so fucking funny.
Bada- Baby, if you not busy you can come to the studio with me to keep me company. Seems I'm gonna be here longer then I thought.
I glance down at my phone and see a notification. "Oo, it's from my girl." I say will getting so excited. She has been so busy with work. I miss her. I look down at the message and smile and immediately start getting ready. As we have already established, I'm down bad for this woman. Shit, on our first date, just watching her order food had me fucking wet. How can someone be so fucking beautiful?
I grab a pair of sweatpants that are obviously not mine. In my defense, nothing I wear is mine anymore these days. Then, I put on a top that's basically just a nipple cover at this point. I mean, sue me, it's hot as shit in Korea right now. I then start to get some snacks and making sure to grab my keys and make my way out the door.
Talia- Aww someone misses me. I'll be there soon are the girls there?
Bada- No, everyone left just me, and I need motivation, baby. Hurry up.
I get in the car, making my way to the nearest chicken spot. Got to make sure to get her favorite. And grab a couple of cokes. Then, I start to make my way over to Bada. It's takes about 30 minutes before I sit in the parking lot of JustJerk building, I grab everything inside the car and walk to the entrance. I'm greeting by Gina, the receptionist at the front desk, asking me how my day was and what not. I always feel bad because I can never remember her name. Then, after our little chat, I walked towards Bada's studio. It wasn't hard to find its it seemed she was the only one who was still working. I walk inside with a struggle, "carrying all this fucking food."
I was busy trying to finish working on the choreography for NCT's newest comeback, which I was almost done with until I heard laughing. I turn around and spot my girlfriend. I ran over to her, picking her up and spinning her around the room. "You took forever, I thought you changed your mind about coming." I tell her with a slight pout on my face. She grabs my cheeks, smashing them together, "I would've told you if I changed my mind. Now, before you ran over here like you were raised without any home training, I was carrying so found for you, Ms. Lee, that has now landed on the floor. It better still be good." I place her down, before looking at the floor see the boxes of chicken, "Baby, you didn't have to get me food." She grabs my cheeks again. "Of course, I did. You sit in here all day overworking yourself. And neglecting your health at times. So, you will eat, plus this can be like a little date for us. " I smile at her before hugging her. I truly do love this girl.
"What would I do without you?" I know I tell myself that every day." We then sit there telling each other about our days, how she is struggling in her classes at time, but then she takes breaks and remembers it's not the end of the world. Maybe I should do that. Before we can continue, the door opens. "Tatter? I thought you left and went home for the day." I look over a Talia hoping praying that Tatter leaves before some shit goes down. Talia and Tatter have created this unspoken beef, but for my sake, they keep it cool, sometimes. "Oo, yea, so while I was on my way home, I realized the reason we were struggling with the dance was because the moves are clean. Like they are sloppy. So I came back here to help you with it?" I stare at her, smiling slightly, but before I can tell her to politely leave, Talia speaks up.
"Hello Tatter, nice to see you too. How are you? That's great. I'm doing just fine. Thanks for asking. It's so nice that you take time out of your busy schedule and acknowledge my existence." She says bitterly. Tatter just looks at her and smiles, "O, sorry Tania, I didn't see you there." "it's Talia you knew that though bitch." I look at both of them already seeing where this conversation is heading. "Tatter l, thanks for stopping by. But, I think we should just worry about that tomorrow. Today's been a long day. I see Talia getting ready to make a slick ass remark so I stop her, "Talia don't fucking start. Tatter leave. Now." She rushes out, looking sad, and I turn around to see Talia getting up and leaving.
She rushes to the bathroom and tries to lock me out before I catch the door and push her inside. "Wow Bada how fucking nice of you to welcome yourself. She basically comes in this bitch throwing shots at me and leaps on to you making it see as if im not in the fucking room and your response is Talia dont start. Great job on making your girlfriend feel secure in her relationship." I stand there staring at her before grabbing her hips and placing her on the vanity area. She stops her little rant and simply glares at me. "I was trying to calm the situation before you started coming at each other physically. I know how you are, baby. That would've ended well." I grab her chin titling her head upwards to make eye contact.
"I know how she feels about me. I'm not slow, I'm aware. But I've told you I only have eyes for you, plus it is hard to look anywhere else when you show up taking care of me." I push myself against her. She drives me fucking insane, those big glossy lips, her fucking curly hair sitting at the top of her head in a slick bun. And those big beautiful eyes are just so ready for me to do anything to her. "I'm sorry baby, how about you let me make it up to you, huh? Gonna make you feel so good you know I always do." I slowly start kissing her neck while moving my hand down to her pants.
"You look so fucking good baby, my good girl right?" She sits there nodding her head in a daze. I grab her underwear and push them aside making my way directly to her clit, then I start to press down on it causing her to grab my arms. I'm sitting here whimpering, trying to reach my neck to pull me down for me kiss. "Please... please Bada just fucking put them inside." She tells me while trying to cover up her moans. I immediately stop. "Baby, you know I like to listen. How am I supposed to know I'm doing a good job? Come on baby, be a good girl and move those hands for me. Don't you want my apology, yea? I know you do, baby. She starts to hide in my neck, moaning. "Sound so good, sweet girl. Just sit back and let me make it up to you."
Hope yall are ready for part 2 of my byeon fix because I've been planning, and it shall be really juicy. Also have two more requests coming out soooo excitedddddd
Do yall want more smut ? Like kpop smut?
Ok, yall, I lied...... I know what you're thinking: "When aren't you lying," I'm sorry. For those you of confused I said I wasn't gonna change the oc for my byeon fic. Butttt as you can see, I am doing that currently. She is still a BLACK woman. BUT just different oc. My current oc, as you can see, is on the shorter side, and she is a thick girlie, and she is so adorable and beautiful and i lowkey wanna be here, but that's besides the point I know i dont represent a lot of sizes in that variety for my fics, but he is the best touch. Also, to those you you that voted for the reality show you won and that's the new topic now. Also, if you have an issue with her size or anything, you're an asshole and I will personally beat you up. She is perfect and fits the vibe I'm going for, and yes, she is an adult. idk but someone thought she was a child like, the fuck u think, im running here 😤
Gotta support the girliessss
I've recently been getting back into writing but not rlly on here as real ones would know (sorry for my absense I've missed u pookie pies), and I think I want to write a book/story or whatever.
I haven't got my idea all fleshed out yet but here goes:
Synopsis
Memories. The most precious resource in the world – the grandest luxuries and the deepest shames – are now dredged from the deepest corners of shadows and strung across the gilded necks of high society. Escapism at its finest, new memories are hard to come by, and can only be stolen and pried from minds whose hearts have stopped beating.
She (the main character whose name I haven't decided on yet) was murdered. Blood inking over cold white skin. That was before she was woken up. But now she's awake, and she knows something is missing. Memories were stolen from her.
Now she's thrust back into what she's told is her old life, trying to piece things together without the glue of her memories, hiding the truth of her murder from those who surround her. She was warned not to trust anyone.
Not even the person who wishes to help her, and certainly not the other one, the one in the shadows.
Aspects of the book
I would say definitely a LOT of mystery. A couple time jumps throughout the story as she finds some of her memories back and of course it's also about her trying to solve her own murder and why and what's missing from her mind.
Of course there's some of my favourite tropes in it as well: "who did this to you", grumpy and hates everyone and pretends to hate her but doesn't really, sunshine/golden retriever, mysterious unveilings, backstabbing etc, love thats not rlly allowed (i forgot the name for that) :)
Unbearable, searing fucking tension and slow burn and miscommunication and a shit ton of angst because why tf not, still deciding whether there will be spice but ill see....
BUT THE THING I NEED HELP WITH IS THE SETTING!!!! I don't really know when this novel will be set, whether it's a sort of dystopic novel world where it's a little bit futuristic a LITTLE like never let me go but i dont rlly like that book so idk, or if I should do it a little bit old but non-descript fantasy, a little bit like Priory of the Orange Tree if anyone's read that.
Okay THANK YOU and if u can, pls repost or share so I can get max max max input on this pls and thank you ily
@hadesbabygurl @wavesarchive @kqlopsia @tadomikiku @ntymavtr @mommyanddadskiller @thehoneymushroomhealer @tsireyax @integers @tiyawnyana @whatevenisagrapefruit @oakbuggy @sunsetviper @blue-slxt @simplyawh0re@yootvi @narwhal-swimmingintheocean @vminlvxr @elegantfankidsoul @blue-slxt @neteyamssyulang @theunfortunateplace @lala-1516 @strongheartneteyam @kiskso @deadpool15 @vampirefilmlover @tysirya @universal-s1ut @cozmicwonder @sunet-lore @torukmaktoskxawng @fkarelyxoxo @pandorxxx @pandoraslxna @theblueflower05 @tojisun @vivid-ink @neteyamsyawntu @aperiraa @hotdsworld @xstarsdiary @xylianasblog
I think you'd like this story: "Isolation " by princessmichaelking on Wattpad https://www.wattpad.com/story/335278937?utm_source=android&utm_medium=com.tumblr&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create&wp_uname=princessmichaelking&wp_originator=FMNcR%2FsSesU5g6Onx%2BRSStoSX%2BXsq%2BxKNQYwIpSGUVG9l7HSCrtbdvSQr4kSkKhQs88tT5cimPQKOwn9FNuj21wu4MPOivzpDsdaNEEKgU2VsqSkLgpnR83onvbl%2Bmqf
The random urge I've been getting to play Sims 4, anyone got a rating for it?
"You know, I remember the first time we met," you say. "Oo, would you look at that now you want to remember, I recall you saying something like "omfg, you're tall as shit they weren't lying, "Bada says. You look at her and laugh while she pulls you closer in the comfort of her bed. "Well, listen here, Ms. Lady, I was starstruck. You're literally huge for a second. I wasn't gonna talk to you anyway. " Bada pulls back and looks at you shocked, "What the hell do you mean you weren't gonna talk to me, thought I was the most beautiful women you ever seen, the shade is real". You look at her, smiling and pulling her back. " Be quiet we are having a heart to heart and in my defense, I said you were the most beautiful women I've ever seen and you still are I just had to you know try to distinguish if you were a women or man first. Which might I add was hard ass shit, when I saw you I was omg she fucking beautiful but then I was wait a minute that's a man, and I thought you were a man for some time until well the fashion change. Second, why the hell are you using my slang, wanna be me so bad. "
Bada looks at you smiling, then grabs your arms and pins them above your heart, moving to sit on top of you. "First of all, I don't have to wanna be you so bad considering I'm with you. Have of the time, and my fingers have been knuckle deep inside of you. What do you have to say to that, huh jagiya? No more comebacks, that's too bad. I like you best when you can't keep your mouth shut because of me. " You sit there staring at her, shocked. Struggling to free your arms. "Come on, jagiya, say something. I wanna play with you. " " What happened to my sweet, innocent older girlfriend. Bada cuts she you off and leans closer, " she disappeared the day you sat on my face, sweetheart."
My MANNNNN
yall omf ^#}%756&£#}?&@$peed my pantz
You can ask me anything, talk to me about anything. I'm trying to write for the black girls because apparently it's so hard to make a character not white these days.
149 posts