I Realize Posting Finglish Twice A Week Is Flooding The Feed. Thinking Of Moving It. This Is Why I Said

Some days I will look into the mirror and see a stranger. Or looking back at me might be someone I've been searching desperately on another day, yet now grieve to see. It is not that I'm a stranger to myself, my soul I know, but these expressions, they don't belong on a face I'd read as mine. This form betrays me. These feet can't carry, and this voice can't say.. it frustrates me. And I search. I run these fingertips across it, sometimes enjoying bits of it, sometimes wondering if there's somehow I might mold it to better fit. But the truth is there's nothing much wrong with the body. I might admire it even, were I not trapped in it. But it doesn't feel like it should belong to me, doesn't feel right on me.

How could I heal the Earth,

When even the inside of my head is so sick, I can't do anything about it,

And most of the time, don't even want to?

And yet, I try my best,

'Cause the Earth is not to blame

For the sickness of mankind.

Humanity itself

Can destroy anything.

Okay, I did it. I'm on Twitter. Don't know what's gonna happen to all my sites eventually, but here's the plan:

Site: Static & semi-professional. Portfolio, shop and stuff Twitter: I've been made believe I'm witty and interesting Tumblr: Aesthetical stuff /to keep creating

They put on a brave face & stepped into the auditorium. Grimly realizing there was no one familiar in the room, they made their way to an empty seat as close to the door, and far from the stand as possible.

They'd decided to give finishing the course their best shot. When he walked in through the stage door however, an overwhelming sense of sickness brushed over them.

They looked at the time. 13:48. Deep breath.

He spotted them in their corner and smiled lewdly. Unwilling to give him the pleasure of defeating them, they waited. Attendance reached them. They stared at it for a moment, took their bag, and hurried away.

He pressed the knife against my shoulder plate. I hissed quietly, and focused on my breathing. The glowing blade ran across my back, but the man was hesitating. I shifted. A little flinch, a drop of black..  The knife clanged on the table.  I sighed and turned to sit up. Wrapping my arms around him I grabbed the blade, and ran it lightly from his pelvis to his ear, dipping through the skin ever so slightly. His eyes were closed.  I lowered the knife to my thigh. There we drew a wandering line, cutting deeper into my flesh than was good for me. I didn't care. I loved this, loved him. Loved his blood, dripping into mine & burning my veins like my fingers burnt his skin.

aaaaaAAAAAAAAAA!i!

Ya'll say that Tumblr updates are trash, but damn I hate Facebook as a platform

self-gatekeeping, where I'm like 'I haven't been into this long enough/haven't seen all of this/don't know the people behind this -what if it's actually problematic', so I refuse to wear merch, or show fanart

2023

<- 2022

January

finished: 2 books +kids' stuff | avg. rating: 3.5 stars favorite: a 1954 Toivo Pekkanen -collection

February

finished: 3 books | avg. rating: 3.33..3 stars favorite: Kaikki tiet vie koomaan 2021 by Riina Aho, tho these were all thinkers in that bad-good way

March

finished: 4 books | avg. rating: 3.5 stars favorite: The Wicked Hour 2020 by Alice Blanchard ?

April

finished: 2 books | avg. rating: 3.5 stars favorite: The Ballad of Black Tom 2016 by Victor LaValle

May

finished: Tuliaiset Moskovasta 2009 by Matti Rönkä | 3 stars

June

finished: 2 poetry collections & a play | avg. rating: 3.66..67 stars favorite: Midsummer Night's Dream 1595 by William Shakespeare, specifically the Matti Rossi translation (Finnish)

July ???

August

finished: 2 books | avg. rating: 3 stars favorite: Minä-nainen 1961 by Siv Holm

September

finished/re-read: 3 books | avg. rating: 3.33..3 stars favorite: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe 1950 by C.S. Lewis

October

finished: Jääkaksoset 2015 by S.K. Tremayne | 4 stars this was recommended by one of my sisters, and I'm glad I had a story for the road, but damn

November

finished: 2 books | avg. rating: 3.5 stars favorite: Jane Eyre 1847 by Charlotte Brontë (but it's complicated)

December

finished: 2 books | avg. rating: 3 stars favorite: The Silver Chair 1953 by C.S. Lewis ?

~28/25 books finished. good year -lots of hits. let's see in 2024 I'll figure out more practical & satisfying ways to keep track

Goodreads

2022

January

finished: 2 books | avg. rating: 3.5 stars favorite: Keskeneräisten Tarujen Kirja 1980 by J.R.R. and Christopher Tolkien

February

finished: 0 books. Scandalous, I know.

March

finished: 5 books | avg. rating: 3.2 stars favorite: The Gods of Mars 1913 by Edgar Rice Burroughs

it's tough tho, I've enjoyed the Barsoom books more than I expected from 20th century pulp

April

finished: 1 book, which I rated 3/5 stars, and refuse to call a favorite

May

finished: 4 books | avg. rating: 3.0 stars favorite: Phantom of the Opera 1910 by Gaston Leroux

June

finished: 2 books | avg. rating: 4.0 stars favorite: Jazz 1992 by Toni Morrison

July

finished: 2 books | avg. rating: 2.5 stars favorite: The Scarlet Letter 1850 by Nathaniel Hawthorne

August

finished: 4 books & an unhealthy amount of research papers | avg. rating: 3.5 stars favorite: Kultaraha nurkan alla 2000 by Maria Vuorio

September

finished: 3 books | avg. rating: 3.33..3 stars favorite: The Master and Margarita 1967 by Mikhail Bulgakov

there goes my 22 reading goal. this has been a comfortable phase, I think next year I'll try for 50, if my situation doesn't drastically change.

absolutely adored the Devil's Lot visiting Moscow, too <3

October

finished: 2 books (I think) | avg. rating: 3.5 stars favorite: The Vampire Lestat 1985 by Anne Rice

November

finished: 3 books | avg. rating: 3 stars favorite: Of Mice and Men 1937 by John Steinbeck

December

finished: 2 books & lots of shorts | avg. rating: 3.5 stars favorite: how to compare..

That's it, final update! 30/22 books finished. No doubt The Master and Margarita was the most fun I had this year. 2023 here

Week’s reads with pictures | my (unsatisfying) Goodreads profile