I Can't Fall Asleep, But I Can't Stay Awake And My Body Is So Uncomfortable To Be In

hi tumblr how we doing

Megan Nolan, from her novel titled "Acts of Desperation," originally published in March 2021

Hi guys

from “an inevitable entry”

“Shawty so bad in the soul that my heart got a boner.”

A quote from my dear friend Bocephus

At my birthday party I got a little too high at some point, and I was sitting on the couch while everyone else was on the floor of the living room and I felt so lonely. I don’t know why, my friends didn’t do anything wrong, but I was hit with such a profound wave of grief.

It’s like my body realized I was growing up.

One thing about me is I see my memories very vividly, and certain emotions trigger specific memories, and they play in my head like personalized films. When this weird isolating grief hit me, I saw this like montage of previous birthdays from when I was a kid, and I saw the town I grew up in, and the way it used to be. Parents calling for me, missing teeth, grass stained knees, sun kissed shoulders from swimming, blowing out candles, everything. It was a lot. And I wished I was somewhere else for a moment, but I wasn’t exactly sure where I wanted to be instead.

Idk if this makes sense but I really did have a lovely birthday, these things just creep up

oh deer

Only two ADHD tasks

1) this task will take me five minutes but I couldn’t possibly do it because I have an appointment in six hours

2) this task will take five hours but I’ll just do it first thing in the morning before I leave

Yearning not even for anyone in particular I just want sighhhhhhhh

Wish I could post about something happier but unfortunately my mind is riddled with The Memories

I do