My Most Shameful Secret And Deepest Desire Is Simply This: I Want More Than Anything To Be Beautiful.

Love May be in my near future we Might be so back

It’s getting bad again

feeling

isn’t it kind of awesome how we are all still learning and isn’t it kind of terrible how we’ll never completely figure our shit out

girl you have to stop mythologizing that one really good few months

hi tumblr how we doing

I ruin every family event I make everyone upset I keep messing up I can’t take this

My friends gift to me a glimmer of hope occasionally; and when they do, all I can think about is how badly I want to see and know the adult versions of them. I think about how nice it would be to have an extra room, or maybe a pullout couch, at the disposal of any friend looking for a warm bed and an ear to listen. I think about them coming to my house just to ask for a cigarette, and to talk about their troubles while we sit on the porch. I think about how I’ll attend (and cry at) their weddings, and I think about how I’ll be with them through messy breakups, and all the inbetweens. I think about how I’ll have their favorite snacks in my cupboard, and how I’ll make sure there’s always an extra toothbrush for them. I think about how I’ll have toys stored away for their potential kids when they visit, and I think about how I’ll get to watch all of us grow up.

I often times think the only thing stopping me from ending it is fear, but I think a little harder about the people I love, and suddenly it feels like my heart is trying to claw through my chest, and grasp onto any hope for the future.

I want to be there to love those around me until I can no longer leave my bed, and my last breaths are be spent cherishing their names.

i'm miserable but everything also feels beautiful