The Mech Pilot Au by @keferon has me on a chokehold, so, I'mma procrastinate from writing an actual fic by just writing down incorrect quotes instead-
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Swerve: We’ve found the person who stole your identity and was impersonating you.
Blur: Where were they?
Swerve: Eating cheetos and crying in their car.
Blur, impessed: Damn, they really went for it.
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Jazz: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for methaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance!
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Prowl: I want to be with you for the rest of my life.
Jazz: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal.
Prowl, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.
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Blur: Why cant trees give off something important like wifi??
First Aid: So fuck oxygen, I guess.
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Prowl: Vortex isn’t answering my messages.
First Aid: Allow me.
Prowl: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi-
Vortex: *replying to message* Hello.
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*First Aid and Jazz enter a dive bar*
First Aid: Look, I know you’re disappointed but could we at least have a drink.
Jazz, in a scuba diving suit: I would like leave, please.
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Blurr: Here is my wall of inspirational people. Swerve: Is that a picture of you? Blurr: Yes, I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.
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First Aid: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time.
Vortex: *cracks knuckles* Manslaughter it is!
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Vortex: I can’t do this, it’s against my moral compass.
First Aid: YOUR MORAL COMPASS IS A ROULETTE WHEEL!
Vortex: …Your point?
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Jazz: First Aid is restricted to decaf for the rest of this adventure.
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Jazz: I told Swerve to grab snacks for everyone.
Blurr, looking through the options: Why did you grab fruit snacks? Are you five? Who even likes Fruit Snacks?
*Jazz, First Aid, and Swerve raise their hands*
*Vortext from the distance,also raising his hand*
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Jazz: I think we should have glow stick juice injected in our bones when we're born, so if we break our bones, we get a fun little surprise.
Vortex: What's the surprise?
First Aid: Blood poisoning.
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Vortex: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.
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Swerve: Why would anyone want to harm Blurr?
Vortex: Maybe because they met him?
In the mecha au
Even though he himself, probably, haven't really grasped that fact, or knowledged it completely.
Oh he absolutely would have these awkward little q&a sessions with everyone ahahah
Explaining humans to Cybertronians. And reverse.
He would also probably be the one to spill the lil fun secret about Cybertronians being able to read human EM fields. Deadlock would try to kill him for that~
Also kfsksikf
Swerve: Basically. You can't fuck a giant robot.
First Aid: A brave man looks for ways, a coward looks for excuses.
Everyone in the room:
So, I have this thought of an au for a while, where the war never happened but the world is littered with anomalies, entities and all that jazz, right? And Megatron, is just a normal mech, with a normal life, being friends with "normal" people and finding their newly crowned Prime off. Oh! He also gets these cool abilities that I have yet to properly set down-
If you have any ideas on what I should do with this story! Or questions! Let me know! Have fun!
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Megatron knows that he special he has always known this. How could he not? From a young age, he could instinctively distinguish between a walking glitch of a fake and an actual mecha. It was as if his optics had been calibrated to detect the unseen threads of the universe. Shadows danced at the edges of his vision, and he always had the gnawing sense that something lurked just beyond his peripheral awareness. Not that he cared. In fact, he barely gave it a second thought.
Megatron has always known that he has abilities, that he has a gift. He knew this. He could see what others couldn’t. Yet, for the longest time, he refused to acknowledge it, treating it as little more than an inconvenient quirk. That was, until he befriended a few of those shadowy entities that liked to pass themselves off as part of the mortal world. He never really minded—they weren’t doing him any harm, again, he barely cared.
They are attracted to Megatron's gift, I mean, who wouldn't? Having the ability to sniff out someone's bull is pretty helpful.
You see, Megatron grew up in Kaon, and growing up in Kaon, which was and is a place dripping with superstition, Megatron had heard his share of horror stories: the dark, Unicron’s spawns, Primus’ Youngs, and the whispers of what prowled in the shadows. These tales were used to scare younglings into good behavior.
Megatron himself had his fair share of those stories, although, some of the elders do love to exaggerate those stories.
He likes it, not because it makes it creepy. He didn’t find them scary—he found them funny, mostly because of his friends. For reasons he still couldn’t quite fathom, his closest companions growing up were a spark eater, a ghoul, and a demon. Hearing their outrage over the inaccuracies in these tales was endlessly entertaining.
“You can’t eat a spark like that,” Starscream, the spark eater, would hiss in annoyance whenever he hears these ridiculous stories . “Why do they always describe it like I’m slurping energon soup? There’s nuance!”
“Ghouls: do not hide under berths: waiting to snatch younglings” deadpanned Soundwave, the ghoul, glaring at Megatron. “Soundwave: not a sterotype: Stories; exaggerated”
And Shockwave, the demon of the group would just simply twitch in annoyance.
And unlike Iacon, who rarely has anything to do with superstitions and such beliefs were dismissed as primitive nonsense. (or as media likes to portray it). Kaon has plenty, it thrived on superstition, unlike Iacon, If Kaon had a museum for the supernatural, it would probably need its own skyscraper.
Megatron can attest to it, as stated before, he is friends with some of the horrifying entities that the tales always tell. Not only that, He’d had his share of encounters with those dark forces, not all of them pleasant. Most of the time, it ended in one of three ways: a fight, a frantic escape, or an unsettling brush with death. The only reason Megatron was still functioning was thanks to his friends, who often bailed him out of tight spots to save his arf.
Yet despite all of this, Megatron barely cares.
He doesn't do much, than work at his boring office job, visit his friends and reassure them that he is well, one of the literally lives in Vos! But at least his trip is always payed, courtesy to his friend. Outside of that? His life is completely barren and uneventful.
That is, until he met the new Prime that goes by the name Optimus Prime. Not, met met him, more like saw him in the holos and the streets during the coronation parade. He didn't wanna be there to be honest, but Starscream wanted to be there, he was in town for royal duties as the Prince of Vos and he wanted to Megatron to hang out with him, that isn't the mech's lonely apartment or Soundwave's house, or Shockwave's lab.
And Megatron, is a friend, so Megatron decided to go with Starscream, begrudgingly of course.
When Megatron first laid his optics on the New Prime, he immediately sensed something was off, and he can tell that Starscream noticed too, yet he seem calm, which was odd. Normally, Starscream would have been on high alert, his predatory instincts kicking in. But this time? He wasn’t reacting defensively. That wasn’t exactly a good sign, isn't a bad one either.
Spark eaters tend to have heightened senses, they have the ability to sniff out their pray, and they have the ability to semi manipulate the perception of others, making it easy for them to blend in. If Starscream wasn’t threatened, that meant whatever this “off” thing was, it wasn’t something Starscream recognized as dangerous—or perhaps it was something he couldn’t categorize at all.
Megatron looks at the Prime, observing him closely. Their newly crowned Prime seems nice, he speaks very confidently yet softly, a leader with stern yet does not weild his fist to cage those around him. He spoke to the crowd with warmth, crouched to address younglings optic-to-optic, and carried himself with an air of calm authority.
Megatron….he knows there is something wrong, something off with the Prime. Megatron could feel it, like static in his circuits. He wanted to dig deeper, to pull at the threads of this mystery. But before he could, Starscream interrupted.
Megatron has to put those thoughts into a file and store it for later to entertain his friend. A bored Starscream always never ends well.
Soundwave can attest to that.
So Megatron talks to Starscream as they watch the parade from the distance in the balcony of Starscream's fancy hotel. They watch as the Prime mingle with the civilian, as he interacts with the younglings with such care.
“Ugh. Look at that pompous mech!” Starscream sneered, slumping dramatically in his chair.
Megatron arched an optic ridge. “What are you talking about? He seems fine.”
“Fine? Look at him, so pristine, so proper!” Starscream gestured wildly at the balcony railing. “He’s too sweet. It’s disgusting. He’s practically dripping syrup on those younglings!”
"Shouldn't I be the one making complaints here? I'm the one who's gonna get affected if his rule is slag" Megatron quipped dryly, already dreading the new rules and laws that will be set if this Prime is like the other ones before him.
“Oh, please.” Starscream waved him off. “If it were up to you, you’d just brood in silence and not say a word.”
“I would, actually,” Megatron muttered. “Besides, you’re the one verbally attacking your own kind right now.” He pointed out, wanting to immediately change the topic, for all that is stands in this world, Starscream is right, he would probably just brood in silence, rules kept him safe after all.
Starscream makes a disgruntled noise. "That thing down there, is far from being my kin."
Megatron grows confuse, he looks at Starscream. "What do you mean?"
Starscream’s wings twitched irritably as he leaned back in his chair. “That thing down there is not my kin.”
That got Megatron’s attention. He turned to Starscream, optics narrowing.
Starscream huffed, clearly annoyed he had to explain. “Look at him! He’s too…off. Too stiff to be a spark eater, too mellow to be a ghoul. His frame doesn’t match anything I recognize. And his voice?” Starscream shuddered theatrically. “It’s wrong. It’s too nice. No one’s voice is that…perfect.”
Megatron frowned, glancing back at the Prime. Now that Starscream mentioned it, he can see more of the odd things about him. The balance of his movements, the precision of his words, the faint flicker of something beneath the surface—it didn’t quite add up.
Huh… Yeah, he can kinda see that now.
ending the year with some blurr swerve doodles to feed my everlasting brainrot (I’m not normal about them)
Okay so like. IMAGINE it starts pretty usual. Swerve hangs out in the Aquarium for whatever job related reason and accidentally makes friends with the weird looking fish hahah
But then the big Tsunami-flood apocalypse comes and everything is destroyed and water everywhere and all the buildings turn into sharp heavy deadly rubble and now Swerve has to team up with that weird looking fish because the end of the world contains A LOT of water and he never was a good swimmer
I adore everything about the mech pilot AU but I am especially loosing over Prowl and Jazz’s relationship versus First Aid and Vortex’s.
Jazzprowl: “I have made myself vulnerable to you in ways inconceivable. I trust you to hold/to control my entire body. I don’t understand your words / you understand me beyond words. We make ourselves responsible for each others lives because neither of us can be trusted with our own. You could hurt me on accident so very easily, but the thought of you doing so is impossible to come to terms with. I trust you, I love you, I never want you to leave again.”
Texaid:
“This thing is going to FUCKING eat me.”
“You’re a bit of a freak actually. I’m going to savor you first.”
“THAT’S WORSE.”
Dramatic space romance vs SCP foundation
Father and daughter 💜
Flying lesson🥺🥺💜💙
Really love Soundwave protects his little babies🥺🥺🥺
See more pretty sky ❤️⬇️⬇️
skyfire and Starscream♡♡
So we've all heard "By the AllSpark!" or "What in the Pit?" or "Oh Primus" in our TF media. However, I feel like TF writers are missing out on the goldmine that is colloquialisms invoking the different Primes. So, here is a small collection of such colloquialisms, and please, feel free to add more if you have any of your own you use.
"Primus below!" - Exclamation similar to "God above!", invoking the fact that Primus is the core of Cybertron.
"Vector give me patience" - Often paired with "because if Prima gives me strength, I'm going to need bail money." The go-to for when somebot if getting on your last nerves.
"To Alchemist!" - A popular drinking toast, to thank Alchemist Prime for inventing high grade.
"The Three Below" - Refers to Solus, Onyx, and Micronus, the three Primes who formed the Well of AllSparks
"Maximum Blessings on you" - a stealth insult/curse from some dialects, where "Maximum" and "Maximo's" are nearly indistinguishable. As Liege Maximo was the Prime of Lies and Trickery, it's a fitting way to wish someone ill.
“Solus’s slag pit” - Used for something incredible, awful, and incredibly awful. Often used to refer to the latest high society fashion mess.
"Find peace or take it up with the Fallen." - In other words, calm down or screw off.
“As you say, my Liege” - A condescending remark towards a person who’s attempting to lie, cheat or mislead.
Again, if you have any primal colloquialisms you use for your fics, reblog and share them with the rest of us.
people seemed to like the first post so have a little more :)
might put it on ao3 later or something
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The language barrier is a problem, Ulchtar finally decides once they touch down, and his new friend seems to agree.
He’d hit a snag in trying to describe where to go when he realized the Giant had been asleep for longer than English had existed as a language. Thankfully, gestures seemed to be more-or-less universal, so he was able to get across the idea of where to go eventually. They’re currently nestled in a cave somewhere in the Scandinavian mountains. It’s a remote place, especially after the alien attacks in the area a few years back. But he knows that this isn’t a permanent solution.
They need to learn to communicate before the inability to do so gets them both killed.
Which is why they’re now taking turns scratching out a massive diagram on the cave floor with sticks…Well, a stick and a small tree. They’d been trading words back and forth for a good two hours now. As best as he could tell, the Giant’s language was actually quite simple—consisting mainly of nouns, verbs, descriptors, and modifiers to those two things. It wasn’t particularly elegant, but it was versatile enough.
They’d started with things that were easily drawn-out or mimed: things like “person,” “me,” “you.” There was sort of a pronoun system, and the Giant…seemed to be a “he,” or an equivalent. Then they’d tried to build from there—he’d figured out some of the verbs, and how to phrase things as a question, and from there the two of them had hit it off. Now he was trying to get the guy up to speed, because everything would be a whole lot easier if they knew what was going on.
“So…[me-category-] human.” He points to the crude little figure of a human he’s drawn, and the Giant nods along.
How to explain the war…? “Humans [-planet-creation-positive-] Earth.” He points to the rough map of the world they’ve drawn out, then to the Giant’s rather detailed drawing of a kaiju. “[Planet-creation-negative-] Earth.”
They lean down a little closer to the drawing. “Quintesson,” he says with what sounds like outright distaste. Ulchtar’s a little taken aback by that.
“[Question.] Quintesson [-them. Name?]”
“[Name-positive.] Quintessons [negative-negative-negative.]” They confirm. Okay, triple negatives, so this guy hated the damned things just as much as anyone else. Maybe it wasn’t just Earth under siege…?
“Quintessons [motion-inside] Earth…[creation-negative] humans.” He’s painfully aware of his limited vocabulary, hoping it’s enough to get the point across. The Giant seems to pick up on the intent, tensing up just a little.
He continues. “Humans…[Eyes-positive-you. Humans-creation-negative, desire-negative.] So... [negative-brain-do-positive-you. Creations-do-similar.]” We found you. We didn’t want to die. We studied you. Tried to make things like you.
The Giant whirls towards him at that, picking him up to hold him at eye level. The grip is just tight enough to hurt, just enough to feel like a threat. “[You…complete-negative-me?]”
Ulchtar waves his hands in front of his face frantically, mortified. Oh, he’s really fucked up this time. He didn’t realize the Giant remembered getting taken apart like that. “[M-me-do-negative! Complete-positive-repeat!]” He sputtered. I put you back together!
It wasn’t technically a lie. He hadn’t exactly done it out of the kindness of his heart, but it wasn’t a lie.
The glare softens just a bit, the grip relaxing. He's not in immediate risk of death anymore.
They keep talking for a few hours, until it gets too dark to really see what he's doing anymore.
He hmms, trying to think of the right words…
“Uh…” He points up at the sliver of sky above them. “[Sky. Light-negative. Me-vision-negative.]”
“[…Recharge-you? Eyes-positive-me.]” He was offering to keep watch while Ulchtar slept, he mentally translated.
He nodded, fumbling mentally to figure out how to respond to that. “[…Gratitude-positive.]”
Then, another thought occurred to him. “[You. Name. Question?]”
The Giant paused for a second at that, wings drooping just a little bit. “[…name-knowledge-negative. Memory-negative-negative.]”
…oh.
Ulchtar can’t help but feel a little bad for asking now. He tries to shift the topic a bit, pointing to himself. “[Me. Name.] Ulchtar.”
That gets a tilt of the head. “[You. Name. Sound-similar…Star-sound-positive-positive-pitch-positive?]” In this language, the name and the phrase do sound kind of alike, actually. He laughs at that.
“Star…scream? [Desire-name. Name-sound-positive-positive-positive.]” He adds three positives for emphasis, because it does sound way more badass than “Ulchtar.”
The ground shakes just slightly, and he realizes the Giant is laughing.
Don't get too attached, he reminds himself. They could betray you any second. He's just as dangerous as these Quintessons if he wants to be.
“Oh, knock it off…” He curls up on a relatively comfy-looking patch of cave moss, bundling himself up in some extra clothes in lieu of anything warmer. The cave’s warmer than outside, but still a bit chilly even with the ambient heat from the Giant’s engines heating it up.
It doesn’t stop him from eventually slipping into sleep.
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The mech with no name shifts his weight just a little, trying to get comfortable in his hiding spot among the mountains. It’s not much—just a little nook in the rocks where it’s tough to spot him—but it’s better than being out in the open, as badly as he wants to stretch out his wings and fly again.
He doesn’t want to put the human—Starscream—Ulchtar—in danger.
Ulchtar’s the only companion he has in this world right now, after all.
So he’s probably going to stick with him for a bit—in no small part because he really doesn’t know where else he’d go. Most of his memory is long since corrupted, throwing him all kinds of errors whenever he tries to think back to before.
He knows, in broad strokes, what he is. He knows he’s a mechanical lifeform. He knows he’s a shapeshifter of some sort. He knows he can fly, and is probably designed to explore space. He knows what the parts inside of him are—what a spark is and that he needs to drink energon to survive. He knows the Quintessons want him dead.
But he doesn’t know who he is. His name. Where he came from. What his own species is called…
Does he have a species?
This whole world was filled with organic life, and nothing else—it was clear that the other machines he’d seen in that laboratory weren’t alive, but rather artificial constructs. They resembled him, but only superficially. He can’t feel their sparks, let alone any sort of EM field—something even the organics of this world have, albeit very faint ones.
Which leaves him with a very frightening question.
Am I alone?
His internal clock is telling him he’s been on this planet for six million years, trapped in stasis.
Surely someone must’ve looked for him, right? One of his kind, maybe? Surely six million years would’ve been long enough for a search party to find him.
If nobody had ever come looking for him, then…then either there was nobody left to send, or he’d mattered so little that nobody had ever bothered to remember him.
He wasn’t sure which hurt more: being alone, or being nobody.
Something wet drips onto his face.
Terrible time for rain, he thinks to himself.
But when he looks up, there’s not a cloud in the sky.
How odd…
He brushes it away, trying not to think about the question hanging over his head.
The night after that is largely uneventful, up until he notices a strange blue-green light on the horizon.
He pokes his head through the entrance. Was dawn supposed to come this early? Was it usually that color?
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When he’s exhausted, Ulchtar is a pretty heavy sleeper.
That said, the fact that the Giant doesn’t wake him up when he moves away is still damned impressive. No, he only wakes up when it starts getting cold again. Still groggy, it takes him a few seconds to realize his vanished from his spot—something that makes him snap awake instantly in a panic.
He looked up towards the surface. Had he been abandoned? Was the Giant going back to—
Oh.
He sees his companion’s winged silhouette just beyond the mouth of the cave, illuminated in blue and green and violet.
He’s staring at something.
Ulchtar creeps closer, and quickly understands why. There’s an aurora snaking across the sky in full force above the mountains, and the Giant watches in wonder.
His wings twitch when Ulchtar draws near, as if sensing him somehow. “Starscream [recharge-positive?]” He asks. It seems like the nickname is sticking.
“[Recharge-positive],” he agrees. It’s another half-truth; he was sleeping fine until he got cold.
The Giant points up at the aurora, looking very confused. “[Occurrence. Name. Question?]”
“Aurora borealis.”
“[Common-positive? Threat-positive? Question?]”
“[Common-negative. Threat-negative.]” Ulchtar assures him.
He seems to relax a bit at that. “[Eye-similar…sky-heat-positive-light-positive.]”
“Yeah, kinda…” He really does not have the vocabulary to explain how the hell an aurora works. "The sky set itself on fire" is as good an explanation as any.
They nod along. “[Vision…positive-positive-positive.]”
That’s a lot of words to say “it’s pretty,” Ulchtar thinks to himself with a little smile, but jolts when his friend’s wings suddenly flatten against his back, an expression of…something like recognition on his face.
“[Name. Me. Memory-negative-now-positive. Sky-heat-positive-light-positive!]” He puts his hands together and looks to Ulchtar almost expectantly, as if he wants him to try translating this name too.
"...Skyfire," he decides after a few seconds.
The look "Skyfire" gives him at that...He's trying his best not to get attached, to do his best impression of a chessmaster moving his pawns around, but by God, if push came to shove he would kill for that smile.
Hello everyone! Coff here and I just wanna say that I am receiving a ton of love from you lots and it is making my day!
But that isn't the reason why this post is posted, I just wanna say that part 3 might take a bit since I am still in school, but it will be posted as soon as I finish some of my schoolwork, you all pop out of nowhere at the time where I am in my busiest-
I don't mind, I appreciate you all enjoying my crappy writing, Every time I open Tumblr, I would get bombarded with all the love!
So thank you for that!
Now, I also wanna say other things, I am debating whether or not to have different endings for Love Binds, I am writing the story as it goes, majority of it is planned but the ending is where I'm kinda stuck so do you guys want to multiply endings? or just one ending? I'm not sure yet
Lastly, Where the heck did you all come from???!!
It hasn't been a month since I have this account and you all are popping up like crazy!
I don't mind! But people please-
Calm down-
love you lots!!
Hi, call me Coff, I write stories! I'm not good at it but I sure try my best! If you have any ideas, let me hear them-
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