I’m Crying And Sniffling Into My Sleeve, Rolling Around My Room Like A Bowling Ball & Gnawing On My

vulnerable Hannibal fanfic idea rambles:

Post-Fall Hannibal and Will on a getaway boat. One day, Will coaxes Hannibal up deck to sunbathe because he's been deprived of the natural outside air and the sun's rays for so long. Hannibal curls up on the sofa and rests his head in Will's lap. He hasn't felt the touch of another in years and gasps when Will's fingers begin stroking through his hair. He doesn't know what to do in wake of the sudden onslaught of affection. Will's fingers trace over his temple, his clenched eyelids to wipe away the moisture, his dampening cheek. He doesn't anticipate the next moment: Will leaning down to kiss away a stray tear on his temple and whispering reassurance in his ear.

Hannibal being self-conscious when he first starts speaking again after becoming mute for a few weeks/months because his accent is thicker.

Hannibal getting an infection post-fall because his immune system is weak from being isolated for so long. When he has a fever and Will puts him into a cold bath to bring it down, he panics and Will has to reassure him and hold him down the entire time.

Hannibal's food issues resurfacing when he gets an infection and can't keep food down for nearly a week.

Hannibal and Will at a party (sometime post-fall when they're recovered) because Will's coworker invited them and Will agrees because it'll help them blend in. there's a little girl who made homemade ice cream and asks them to try it. Hannibal refuses because the temperature and texture of ice cream is too similar to snow. imagine if it's already angsty because they're in a small argument and Will says something like "open your mouth and eat the damn ice cream" (because the girl is watching to see if they like it) and Will shoves a spoonful of it into Hannibal's mouth. triggering Hannibal's cryophobia.

Hannibal being overwhelmed when Will asks if he wants a second helping of food for the first time when they're finally recovered from the fall. He's only ever been given three helpings of food and an occasional snack throughout the last 3 years. (turning into a bit of a ramble) but imagine if Hannibal is struck with a sudden familiar urge that he hasn't felt since living at his uncle's home: the urge to eat as much as he can now that there is unlimited access. Hannibal waits too long to answer and Will takes his silence as confirmation that he doesn't want seconds. He does. But it feels too late to answer; a missed opportunity. Cue Will's empathy kicking in and he's hit with every emotion Hannibal is feeling and sits back down at the table (right next to Hannibal instead of across the table) with a second serving, coaxing Hannibal to eat; that it's okay to still be hungry.

Hannibal forgetting certain English words when he's exhausted (or because of brain damage) post-fall. Will asks what he wants for breakfast and Hannibal mumbles "blynas" or "le crêpe" instead of pancake.

Hannibal being nervous to say "i love you" for the first time to Will because it's unpracticed; something he's not yet said in the English language.

Hannibal freezing up when Will asks what's the last thing he ever said in his native language.

hannibal cries the first time he and will have sex. just a whimpering mess, releasing aeons of want and finally being understood. wanting to make sure will has the most amazing time, nearly losing himself in the process until he's pulled back to reality by a feverish kiss, and oh. this is really happening. he is making love to the man he loves. and that man kisses away his tears and holds him and rocks them both to ecstasy until they're a collapsed mess of tangled sheets and limbs and lovemarks.

i just rediscovered this in my drafts and wow i am eternally sobbing over this. i'll be a Hannibal apologist until the end of time because his devastation in Mizumono is so heartbreaking. especially considering how lonely Hannibal must've been before meeting Will. spending his entire adulthood hiding and feeling as if he could never form a genuine friendship with anyone. except for Will.

"all he knows is that will lied to him about freddie, refused to run away with him and insisted on confronting jack, and is now calling hannibal to taunt him and see what he does. all of will's actions have been for his own amusement."

the cry i crowed after reading that. all i can think about is Hannibal feeling both betrayed and ostracized. 💔 because in that moment Hannibal believed Will only had ulterior motives and only forged a deeper friendship with him as part of a ruse. it's like in the movies where the main character gains a new best friend. only for that same "friend" to privately detest them and gossip about them behind their back. that wasn't at all what Will was doing because his friendship with Hannibal was genuine. but that was probably how Hannibal felt upon coming to this revelation. believing Will had only ever been on Jack's side post-episode 2x08. i love reading your analyses and disections of the show so, so much

y'know, sometimes i can't get over how impulsively hannibal acted in mizumono like, baby girl, he called you to warn you the FBI knew!!! maybe wait two seconds before whipping out the knife and gutting the love of your life because maybe, just maybe, there's an explanation that isn't "will betrayed me, i must forgive him the way God forgives."

and then i remember.

hannibal didn't give a fuck about garret jacob hobbs when he called and said, "they know." he was just curious about what would happen. it was for his own amusement.

so of course when will calls and says the same exact words, hannibal doesn't see it as the genuine gesture will meant it to be. how could he? all he knows is that will lied to him about freddie, refused to run away with him and insisted on confronting jack, and is now calling hannibal to taunt him and see what he does. all of will's actions have been for his own amusement.

and oh boy, does hannibal put on a show. "you want to see what i'm capable of? fucking watch me."

It’s storming and the lights are flickering (and Hannibal detests/is afraid of the dark during bad weather). The lights flicker off the moment Will plunges the spoon into Hannibal’s mouth. Hannibal is shivering (while rooted to the floor) and his jaws instinctively clamp down around the spoon because at one point he believed it would be his last morsel of sustenance. It’s agonizing as it sticks to the roof of his mouth and spills across his tongue and seeps into his gum line. He ends up choking on a sob and a mouthful of ice cream as he wets himself because of the resurfacing trauma. Cue Will feeling guilty as hell when the lights come back on because Hannibal is standing/trembling in a puddle of urine and Hannibal won’t speak for the rest of the night or the next day.

Imagine eight year old Hannibal escaping from the cabin and he’s so starving that he eats a few handfuls of snow just so his stomach won’t feel so empty. Later in life he never eats vanilla ice cream (or any other flavor for that matter) because the texture and temperature is too similar to snow. Will only knows he always turns down an offering of ice cream and thinks it’s weird as fuck that Hannibal is so averse to it because everyone loves ice cream. One day Hannibal is in the middle of a tangent and Will shoves a spoonful into his mouth and it triggers his cryophobia.

hello coffeeintherain!!! i really love ur hannigram fics on ao3!!! they make my heart burst. do u take requests?

omg hi!! thank you so much <3 i absolutely do take requests!

"They also psychologically torture each other but it’s mainly just for enrichment in their cage. Will knows hannibal will go crazy and start eating the drywall if he’s bored even a second so he deliberately instigates shit and causes situations just so hannibal has a project."

LMFAO THAT IS SO TRUE

god, i loved everything you shared and touched on!!

"I do honestly think it’s touchy as hell right away too. On the cliff a dam is definitely broken and there is a kind of physical contact and intimacy there hasn’t been before, and I think once they start touching there’s no reigning that back in. I definitely think a first kiss would be initiated by will because funnily enough even though he doesn’t have it early on, by that point hannibal almost has a strange insecurity with him-he is deeply vulnerable to rejection from him and I think would be afraid of pushing especially now. That being said, I think it would happen very quickly, within the first day, and it’s as natural as breathing. They’re already in each others space, clinging to each other for warmth, survival, coming down from the high of everything, treating their wounds, at some point it goes from just breathing in each others air to being connected. They’ve begun to blur. I’m extremely soft about them showering together, sleeping intertwined, in the days after. There’s just such a peace after the hollow ache that has been there for both of them for so long. I do think it is an interesting stretch for will to spend with hannibal because he starts to see him in a much more vulnerable light. He starts to be more of just a man to him, a man that he loves, that wakes up from nightmares or has flashes of insecurity he starts to recognize, that has strange little fussy habits and preferences that make will feel fond."

WAILING MY BOOTY OFF BECAUSE SAME 😭🩵 Helping each other shower post-fall and Will seeing Hannibal in a new light (when he's feeling vulnerable or insecure or when Hannibal's severe touch starvation is made apparent) is my bread and butter <3 also i agree about the amount of murdering they would do, because it would be so fun for them to do together, but at the same time, their freedom and ability to be with each other would be more important. ALSO ALSO HANNIBAL BURNING FOOD BECAUSE HE'S DISTRACTED BY WILL IS SUCH A SCRUMPTIOUS HEADCANON!!!

i would love to hear more of your thoughts on Hannibal and Will's post-fall relationship (and maybe even Hannibal being more emotional in contrast to how most of fandom sees him, because i very much agree with you on that)!! honestly, feel free to ramble to your heart's content because i love all your takes on them <3

Yippie!! Wahoo!!

Okay on Hannibal being more emotionally driven than people think. The thing is I think he’s actually basically in emotional overload at all times. This is a man that feels everything INTENSELY at any given time. Art is life changing and euphoric to the point of sitting by it and recreating it every single day. Good music brings genuine tears of emotion. Love is akin to devotion for him, it transcends everything. He has very specific coping mechanisms and ways he has learned to be BECAUSE of this, the way people learn to mask the aspects of themselves that they feel are deficient.

So much of his hedonism is a combination of intense love of everything life has to offer and the fact that it’s a double edged sword. Feeling everything intensely equally makes it so he is unable to sit with unpleasant feelings or things. Having gone through the early years of his life with the constant of fear, pain, loss, hunger, cold, discomfort, magnified by 1000 in someone who everything is exceptionally intense for, there is a clawing hunger for only the best of everything, to not be having a bad time ever for even a second. He will not suffer boredom, humiliation, indignity, without a disproportionately volatile and impulsive response. He’s a ticking bomb easily set off, he’s just learned to hide it. Anyone truly apathetic wouldn’t care about the whole rude thing, it would fly completely over their head.

It’s a through line in every version of media made about him that one key component of his character is that he is very capable of love and that it’s a driving force for him. I think he has a much greater depth of feeling for people than average, and those he does love and consider family are on the receiving end of absolute devotion and adoration, but again, it is a double edged sword. With the ability to love that deeply there is also the ability to feel intense disappointment, alienation, disgust, etc about people. His love is above and beyond the average persons, but his feelings of dislike and therefor apathy are disproportionate as well.

Many of his kills aren’t completely random or unfeeling- they are people that inspire negative emotions such as politicians that try to destroy the nature and beauty in the world, doctors that are cruel and derogatory to their patients, academics that are deliberately exclusionary and condescending, in general people that in his eyes actively make the world a worse place. He cannot stand ugliness because what is a minor inconvenience to the average person is blindingly unspeakably ugly to him.

This isn’t to say he doesn’t still kill people that don’t fit in this category- there’s very much two types. Those he kills because they make the world a worse place and in his eyes don’t deserve the beauty of life, and those that are just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I think the second category falls into a weird place in terms of his empathy- I’m just spewing thoughts here but I think he has this weird thing going on that he has suffered about as much as a person can and still finds life joyful and even feels that he’s better for it, is even excited and compelled by the idea of his own death, that he just genuinely doesn’t think what he’s doing is that bad. He’s the boomer parent going “well back in my day I walked 50 miles through the snow to school” except it’s back in my day this this this and this happened and I’ve seen the ugliest the world has to offer and I’m keenly aware of it, so getting your arm chopped off and being gaslight really isn’t that bad, maybe you’ll even be better for it and see the world through new eyes/become something more beautiful for it! Isn’t that exciting! He even thinks death is exciting and a beautiful change in its own way, so it doesn’t phase him. The smaller fish is eaten by the bigger fish and the bigger fish will someday get got by the shark and as the bigger fish he is perfectly capable of empathy for the smaller one, even does see himself in its shoes, but sees it just as a beautiful cycle of life that will happen to him someday too and it isn’t at all a bad thing to have experienced it and been a part of something. How wonderful, for it all to have meaning. But in general I don’t think he does anything he does without empathy-he just does it anyways. “Extreme acts of cruelty require a high degree of empathy.”

All this isn’t to say that he doesn’t have times that he does shut off his empathy at will, or behave deeply apathetically, but it’s very much a learned skill. There is a feral dog, a volatile child, an open wound of a person deep down but age and rigidly practiced self control have given him the ability to repress things and control his reactions in a way someone who does not struggle with that simply never would. In the way someone who struggles deeply socially might practice and overcompensate to the point of becoming excellent public speakers and social butterflies, he has crafted himself a person suit that is calm, always rational, collected and emotionless to serve him as he makes his way through the world. He’s almost a matryoshka of person suits. The first layer the world sees is the charming kind social butterfly that is perfectly normal. The second, the unfeeling sociopath, the monster. But that’s just another suit intentionally stitched to serve him. The third, further down, as I said, is the emotional burn victim whom every metaphorical breeze is a severe sensation. He is a master of repressing pain- whether it be no reaction to physical torture or violence, or over a decade of repressed memories, he takes pride in being able to control the volatile beast within and letting it out just enough. He actually is pretty successful with this for a long time! But of course will bursts his way into his life and breaks down those walls just enough that it’s like dominos and his grip on all of it starts to loosen.

SO. Pivoting onto post fall relationship.

I do think there’s a total acceptance of that vulnerability at that point. Some people see him as still having walls or even being resentful towards will but I really don’t think he is. I think he’s just genuinely euphoric that they are together and that there is family and peace and unconditional love at last. I think one of his biggest driving forces is a desire for genuine true all accepting-unconditional love. If I did the worst will you still love me. He’s definitely the bitch asking if you’d still love him if he was a worm. That was really the whole thing with Abigail in season 2-if you think I killed her will you still be able to love me and accept me. The tragedy of it is without Abigail will probably would have been able to forgive everything else but Hannibal needed to know even if he did the worst, that nothing would be enough to sever them. So now that he really does have that I see him as a deeply content cat purring and basking by wills side.

I do honestly think it’s touchy as hell right away too. On the cliff a dam is definitely broken and there is a kind of physical contact and intimacy there hasn’t been before, and I think once they start touching there’s no reigning that back in. I definitely think a first kiss would be initiated by will because funnily enough even though he doesn’t have it early on, by that point hannibal almost has a strange insecurity with him-he is deeply vulnerable to rejection from him and I think would be afraid of pushing especially now. That being said, I think it would happen very quickly, within the first day, and it’s as natural as breathing. They’re already in each others space, clinging to each other for warmth, survival, coming down from the high of everything, treating their wounds, at some point it goes from just breathing in each others air to being connected. They’ve begun to blur. I’m extremely soft about them showering together, sleeping intertwined, in the days after. There’s just such a peace after the hollow ache that has been there for both of them for so long.

I do think it is an interesting stretch for will to spend with hannibal because he starts to see him in a much more vulnerable light. He starts to be more of just a man to him, a man that he loves, that wakes up from nightmares or has flashes of insecurity he starts to recognize, that has strange little fussy habits and preferences that make will feel fond.

I was talking the other day that I feel like Will will sort of enjoy getting things for him but he’ll be so particular about how hannibal gets only the best. He’ll grumble all the way about it but go out of his way to get exactly the right coffee beans, tea leaves, flowers, etc for him. And it’s not even that hannibal cares, he would love anything from will! But it’s important to will that his beloved has exactly what he wants and likes. Of course will is ridiculously possessive, we know that, and it’s only amplified post fall. Hannibal is the most precious thing he has and of how he treats his dogs is any indication, he is VERY particular about what hannibal gets. I also think he’s spent so long wanting/trying to hurt him, there’s a particular delight in wanting to please him, to see him delighted and it’s because of HIM. Oh and if he gave something that hannibal could wear, the fucking power trip of that kind of claim on him.

I think they teach each other things a lot too. I love will teaching him fishing, and loving Hannibal’s undivided attention and how much hannibal wants to be involved in wills interests, and in turn will dabbles in cooking and music and such. They often cook together, although hannibal starts burning things more often than he ever has in his entire life because will gets very randy about him in the kitchen. And there’s absolutely nothing to unpack there, no sir!

Of course they do murder stuff, I mean. It’s them. But I think less and less as the life they’ve carved out together is too important to risk drawing attention, so it’s a special date night treat rather than Hannibal’s manic look at me come catch me flurry in Europe.

They also psychologically torture each other but it’s mainly just for enrichment in their cage. Will knows hannibal will go crazy and start eating the drywall if he’s bored even a second so he deliberately instigates shit and causes situations just so hannibal has a project. There’s a lot more honesty though when it really matters, the mind games and lying are mostly just a weird sex thing for them, they know where they’re at at the end of it. Hannibal also is running Pavlov-esque experiments on whatever dogs will gets just as something to do and will is begrudgingly okay with it as long as it’s harmless.

Hannibal’s social life is bad because will acts like a deranged lunatic going “you know other men????” Anytime he mentions like. The mailman. But he’s okay with it because will is all that he actually needs and the only person he actually cares to talk to-as long as will still goes with him to parties and operas because if he doesn’t get his little nights out on the town he will kill everyone and then himself. Relationships, it’s all about balance.

Imagine if Hannibal had to fight back tears in the aftermath of this moment because he’d never experienced a betrayal quite like this—because he hadn’t gotten this close to anyone since he was a child—and he had finally let Will see a part of himself he’d never imagined he could share with anyone. He believed he’d been accepted up until now. My headcanon is he was punished for not being able to speak at the orphanage: beaten when he would be forced to try and speak; but no words would come out; only a weak rasp. Imagine if he struggled to continue the conversation with Will because a lump was forming in his throat and it felt too much like the strain of trying to speak as a mute child.

So he panicked and all he could do was whimper as Will—

Imagine Hannibal going deaf when he's like 60 years-old. The world around him is always muffled and he can no longer hear Will's voice. Imagine Will noticing Hannibal is insecure about speaking now because it's difficult to articulate when he can't hear, especially since English is not his native language. Hannibal doesn't know it, but his accent thickens over time and Will finds it endearing because only he gets to hear it. Soon, he rarely speaks anymore and communicates via writing. One night, Hannibal wakes to a gun against his temple. It's cold. The captors are wearing night vision goggles and drag him and Will out of bed. Hannibal fights back and is shot in the stomach. He tries to call out for Will as he's dragged outside where it's pitch black. He knows his voice is probably slurred because he can't hear himself when he speaks and he's forgotten how many English words sound. He can't see anything. He can't hear anything. All he knows is he's bleeding and being dragged across their yard and Will is not here. Imagine Will hearing Hannibal's voice for the first time in ages, slurred and thick and trembling.

Hannibal brainrot is eternal.

Tell me why I was just listening to "love story" by Taylor Swift and when the bridge came on, my mind went straight to season 3 Hannibal waiting for Will in the BSHCI

I got tired of waiting, wonderin' if you were ever comin' around

My faith in you was fading...

Romeo, save me, I've been feeling so alone

I keep waiting for you, but you never come

Is this in my head? I don't know what to think

​

and that is the beauty of fanfiction 😌

if Hannibal isn't at least fighting back a sniffle in my fic then i have lost the plot

fic writers and fan artists be like