A Very Very Dumb Apothecary Diaries AU Where Lakan Checks In On Fengxian Before He Leaves Finds Out She's

Mc and Mephisto walking around RAD

Demon: Hey Mc thanks for helping me with the job the other day!!!

Mc: You're welcome! If you need help again let me know.

Demoness: Mc, the song you recommended was awesome, come by the club soon!!!

Mc: I'll drop by there sometime.

Mephisto: It never ceases to amaze me how well you've integrated into Devildom despite being a human.

Mc: Well I grew up hearing that I was going to hell for this or for that. So let's just say I had my mind made up *sticks thumbs up*

Mephisto: What-

Mc: What I didn't expect was that this moment would come so quickly :D.

Mephisto: *covering his mouth with worry* I don't have words to refute that… But good for you… I guess.

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My demons' periods cycles. By Mc

Note: these are purely my headcanons at the moment, they are based on animal ethology and behaviours that I think would suit each character depending on their personality and Lore. I would love to read your headcanon in case you have them.

Warning: Long text. Possible grammatical errors. It's written as if Mc was writing for themself.

Hey, it me Mc, the best human. Here is a compilation of the behaviours of my demons during their periods, cycles, for practical day to day use. It wasn't easy but I sat them down and got to talk to them, with a little effort I now know what they need. So now I am ready to assist them during these complicated times and be prepared in case I find a dead goat on the porch as a tribute.

Lucifer, Mammon & Levi || Satan, Asmo, & Beel || Belphie, Barbatos & Diavolo || Simeon & Raphael

Lucifer

Light does not bother him, but he rarely sleeps during its periods.

During his cycle his wings are filled with new feathers, to make them more noticeable and showy, many are small and iridescent.

His horns are also covered with iridescent scales.

He's constantly preening his wings, and they are always stretched to their fullest extent (Be prepared to be plucking feathers off your head for months)

The more feathers the better health (The stress of everyday life affects his plumage at this time so if at any time you see it scarce don't tell him :()

Unlike what you might think his nest is not in his bedroom but in secret rooms in the HOL.

Peacocks build their nests by making holes in the floor, Lucifer simulates that feeling by making a nest with high walls (good luck trying to get in and out) .

During his cycle he becomes very territorial and protective over his chicks (his siblings) and his mate (Interestingly Satan has woken up in the nest the most times over time, followed by Belphie)

He doesn't go outside his territory (the house), he feels a strong need to protect the fort (so all RAD paperwork falls on this sheep) .

Lucifer has a pre-heat period which is when he starts to grow new feathers, he eats a lot more and stores some food.

During the cycle he hardly eats, for that he has been accumulating energy ( you have to insist and feed him yourself so that he doesn't end up weakened after the cycle) .

He can talk normally, although when someone outside his family approaches a guttural sound comes out of his throat as a warning.

He produces very strong pheromones, but does not mark with them because there is no need (No one will dare steal what belongs to him)

Although physical contact soothes him, don't rub him if you don't see him relax, especially his wings. Let him initiate the contact.

He's always on guard since he does not sleep. But don't want that his brothers see him in his period.

His main way of courtship is to show off, so to get him to let you live, flatter him, tell him how beautiful his wings are or how majestic he is.

It's funny because sometimes he'll expect you to court him back (I don't have wings Luci, I can't do it) .

His senses are uniformly heightened. Nothing gets out of his control. (Good luck going to the toilet)

His body temperature rises (prepare light clothing, more than for him for you, you're going to need it)

Does he purr? Yes, although it's more like the sounds certain birds make before they sing. It is difficult to hear >:(.

During the cycle his anxiety is accentuated.

Normally demons end up exhausted after their cycle, but because he is so proud he doesn't let you take care of him, and he ends up much worse off.

Mc: So the nest is important?

Lucifer: Very important, yes.

Mc: Essential?

Lucifer: Yes

Mc: … *thoughtful* Are you going to let me leave the house?

Lucifer: No.

Mc: And from your nest?

Lucifer: No.

Mc: …. Let's buy cervical pillows then

Lucifer: *grinning*

Mc: So if I forced you, will you eat?

Lucifer: I think it's possible.

Mc: *grinning * And how do I do it with a spoon or mouth to mouth like the chicks?

Lucifer: *blushing * You… don't make me regret having told you all this

Mc: *half asleep* Everyone is sleeping.

Lucifer: *watching them in the dark with his eyes shining*

Mc: Everything is in order *trying to climb the nest*

Lucifer: *picking them up and lifting them to the nest* … *purring*

Mc: Now, now, let's try to sleep…*still half asleep* you are warm.

Lucifer: *covering them with his wings* Rests Mc.

Mammon

He can stand the light but doesn't like it, during these periods he has a reduced sleep schedule.

During his period he feathers, these feathers help him to be more aerodynamic.

He needs to groom them but as he normally doesn't have that many he is terrible at it (So be prepared to give him a hand) .

He nests, but like crows he does it high up, (make sure you prepare a hanging platform on the second floor of his room or he will end up nesting on the roof) .

Unlike Lucifer, he goes out almost every day, looking for small prey or presents. And don't care if his brothers see him in his period.

During his cycle his obsession for shiny things is accentuated, they don't have to be valuable, just shiny: stones, crystals, metals, floors or polished surfaces (thanks for the idea)…

He is a collector and will bring these objects to the nest.

Mammon is not overly territorial, he doesn't expect his parnert to be in the nest for 24 hours either, but when he comes back from his outings please be there or he will panic. Last time the house almost burned down.

He produces pheromones, and he will only use it on his mate.

He does not have a pre-heat, but you can identify that he's approaching his period by her lack of attention (more than usual).

Mammon eats throughout his cycle, more than usual, mostly meat, but also certain grains and seeds that his relatives collect for him.

He will want to feed you and you will want to feed him. You can't get away from that, you just can't.

His pupils dilate and constrict in an exaggerated manners. And his eyes shine in dark.

Although he talks, he prefers to communicate by squawking and growling.

However, when he is affectionate mood mainly with taps and caresses.

During the cycle he becomes very needy of physical touch, at sleeping, eating and grooming times he must always be skin to skin. Stroke him between the wings or plumage and he will start to purr.

He is happy for you to initiate contact, he doesn't mind if you do it whenever you want.

He sleeps curled up on his companion.

Does he purr? Yes, like his brother it's a similar sound to certain birds, but it's easy to make him purr (pretty much whenever you pay attention to him)

And you always have to pay attention to him.

His form of courtship is to bring you gifts, where did you get coins, pretty stones, luminescent flowers … you can not refuse these gifts or he'll cry (however give a stone or a coin and will not leave the nest in hours, he will think that you have reciprocated the courtship and will be happy)

His senses are sharpened especially his hearing and sight, he can see for miles, there is no threat that escapes him, that is why he is able to leave the territory so much.

He is more honest than usual, if he wants you to hug him he will tell you straight out.

Mammon: *trying that mc eat a leg of an unidentified animal*

Mc: No- NO!, youuuu stay baaaack

Mammon: *grunt*

Mc: *giving him part of their bread * take it

Mammon: *with pupils dilate* Oh *happy bird noises*

Mc: *holding back laughter*

Mammon: Farther to the left

Mc: Here?

Mammon: *stretching his wings higher*

Mc: Here?

Mammon: *purrs*

Mc: How the hell did you preen your feathers before?

Mammon: *curled next to Mc holding tightly a monopoly coin*

Mc: *smiling while stroking his feathers*

Mammon: Love you...

Mc: So your period makes you soft…I wish you were always as honest.

Levi

Nocturnal, light bothers him and can hurt his eyes.

During his period he sleeps more than usual (although he should sleep more often).

His scales cover his whole body and become more colorful. And his horns grow new branches.

He does not need as much grooming as other types of demons, but he needs constant humidity.

During his period the bathtub in his bedroom is full, but sometimes a humidifier is enough.

However during the final part of his period he needs to be totally submerged (so be prepared to go diving)

During this phase Lucifer puts a spell on him to track him. Because his envy can lead him to hide in the deepest pit of the ocean.

Some snakes nest, but most do not, so Levi's safe place during his period is under a pile of blankets, thin cloths and other things (like a burrow).

Since Levi is Levi, you have to make sure to give him wet towels every so often to moisten his body.

Levi is very territorial but he is more elusive and prefers to hide, his insecurity increases and there is no way to get him out of his burrow ( make sure he hydrates because it wouldn't be the first time he gets sick)

He doesn't eat much during his cycle, and if he does it has to be raw, but he has poor hunting skills, guess whose turn it is to take care of this?

Although the final phase of the period (Underwater) Lotan often takes care of finding nutritious prey for him.

When sleeping he wraps his tail around your body, first because you are a source of warmth and second because you are you.

Levi becomes partially non-verbal, he uses a lot of hisses and grunts. After two days they can be easily identified.

He likes physical contact, but he is the one who has to initiate it. (Touch him without his permission and be prepared to search for him in the depths of the Devildom water bodies).

Levi's courtship occurs underwater.

First he shows off, where all his scales glow many colors, this is indicative of health (as Levi does not have a very healthy diet or routine, his color could be better, but we won't tell him that)

And in the second instance it gives a single stone of sea crystals.

The sense that develops the most is the sense of touch and hearing. His skin becomes super sensitive so he can only wear certain types of clothing. And excessive friction hurts him.

His body temperature decreases a lot, more and more as the period progresses because he can not thermoregulate ( that's why he needs to be submerged and that's why you will wake up underwater)

Does Levi purr? Of course, when you talk to him or when he is embarrassed.

After his cycle he will need several days to look you in the eye again.

Levi: *sad hiss*

Mc: I'm telling you that your scales are very pretty.

Levi: *self-deprecating hiss*

Mc: No, I'm not just saying this... but if it really makes you feel bad, starting tomorrow you're going to eat more protein.

Levi: *hiss of indignation* >:0

Mc: Levi, I bring you the food!! Levi?

Mc: *looking for him in the burrow* Levi?

Levi: *poking his head over the bath water*

Mc: There you are… Ah! The humidifier has turned off!!

Levi: *grabbing their sleeve*

Mc: *sighing* we have to be more attentive…. *getting into the bathtub* but now you have to eat.

Underwater

Mc: Who had said that automating a spell would save my life.

Levi: *snuggled next to them with his tail wrapped around their body*

Mc: Are you confortable Levi?

Levi: *nodding*

Mc: Good, love u.

If you have made it this far, thank you very much 🩷

Mc: Remember when I told you about my period?

The brothers: ...

Mc: And how it was recommended that for those days there should always be chocolate and hot water bags because it helped me and gave me comfort?

Satan: Yes, we remember it...

Mc: And remember that I told you so you would not be caught off guard?

Belphie: Yeah...

Mc: Well *taking a breath*, it's time for us to talk about YOUR periods.

Mammon: We do not have periods!!!

Mc: *slamming the table* Periods, heats, mating time…. Call it what you want but it's time to talk about it!!!!

Levi: *very flushed* But...

Mc: But nothing!! I'm tired of waking up in nests in random places in the house time to time!!!! It's not nice to wake up with feathers in my mouth!!!!!

Lucifer:*blushing*...

Mc: I would also like to be prepared in case I find any animal corpses at the foot of the bed!!! I appreciate the thought but I am human!!!! I don't need you to show me that you can get resources!!!! That's what supermarkets are for!!

Satan: *dodging the gaze*

Mc: And it would really be nice to know when you produce pheromones, that would have avoided me a lot of problems in RAD.

Asmo: Ha, ha *nervous laughter*

Mc: Or to know when to prepare myself to wake up in a cave dug in the garden or underwater.

Beel: ...

Levi: ...

Mc: And it would not be bad to know that during your period you are showing your demonic forms, I almost had four heart attacks the first time I saw your eyes glowing in the dark Mammon!!!

Mammon: That was an accident...

Mc: *enumerating with their fingers* Or that your sleep schedule changes, or that you don't sleep at all, or that your temperature changes, or that some of you become non-verbal, or that your wings produce a specific sound as a call…

Lucifer: Enough *massaging his temples while blushing* It has become clear.

Mc: You didn't think that, as a human living with seven demons, I should know these things???

Mammon: We didn't think you would notice...

Mc: *looking at him exceptionally* Mammon, my dear, last time you brought me a cocatrix egg because it glowed.

The brothers: ...

Mc: This is my last warning! Either we talk and set schedules or I take Solomon and Luke and go live somewhere else.

The brothers: !!!!

Satan: *whispering* Why only Solomon and Luke?

Asmo: *also whispering* Mc has given this same talk to Lord Diavolo, Barbatos and Simeon….

Mc: *taking out a notebook* So stop behaving like a pubescent teenager and tell me how your periods are going and if I can help you in any way.

Lucifer: Okay, you win…but this is not like your period.

Mammon: It's not fair!!! It's not like we can avoid it

Levi: *covering his face* This is going to be worse than a public exhibition…

Asmo: Well, at least this way we won't have to hide it….

Satan: *sighing* Will it really do any good?

Beel: *worried* It won't be a problem for Mc?

Belphie: … Well, I do want them to spoil me on my period.

The brothers: Belphie!!!!

Mc: *holding back laughter* That's the spirit.

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I would like to write more extensive headcanons about it in the future 😊

Part 1 Part 2

MC: I'm going to be there for you forever!

Solomon: forever forever? That's a long time you know. You won't live that long.

MC: I said forever and I mean it death won't stop me. Nothing will.

Solomon: so what about if you end up in crippling debt and commit tax fraud?

MC: we'll run from the police together.

Solomon: okay, what if I murder someone?

MC: where we hiding the body?

Solomon: what about when you get old?

MC: I'LL BAKE YOU COOKIES.

Solomon: sounds good, what about when you die?

MC: boo bitch imma haunt you.

Solomon: okay and that concludes our survey. You have passed. Your reward is A FCKIN HUG C'MERE

YOU!!! YOU GET IT!!!

one random hypnos (hades game) thing i dont get is why people draw him as a tiny uwu twink, that guy is a lanky motherfucker that towers over zagreus and makes people uneasy/cloudy in the head when he looks at them too long like where did this come from

Random RAD student: How does it feel to be the most hated person at RAD

Mephesto smugly: Listen in a campus full of losers I wear as a fucking badge of honor

Thirteen in the background: What about the rumors that you kissed the human?

Mephesto: WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?!

Are fedoras really that bad?

YES YES THEY ARE

My demons' periods cycles. By Mc

Note: these are purely my headcanons at the moment, they are based on animal ethology and behaviours that I think would suit each character depending on their personality and Lore. I would love to read your headcanon in case you have them.

Warning: Long text. Possible grammatical errors. It's written as if Mc was writing for themself.

Hey, it me Mc, the best human. Here is a compilation of the behaviours of my demons during their periods, cycles, for practical day to day use. It wasn't easy but I sat them down and got to talk to them, with a little effort I now know what they need. So now I am ready to assist them during these complicated times and be prepared in case I find a dead goat on the porch as a tribute.

Lucifer, Mammon & Levi || Satan, Asmo, & Beel || Belphie, Barbatos & Diavolo || Simeon & Raphael

Simeon

He is totally diurnal, so when he's in the Devildom is always sleepy and a bit disoriented. But with the help of artificial light (what a nice trick magic is) he can regulate his schedule.

Under normal conditions, during his period he spends most of his time awake and alert. But in hell he sleeps much more.

During his period Simeon feathers himself, with new feathers on his wings and fluff covering on other parts of his body such as his chest or lower back, sometimes with different coloured shine (iridescence)

He does not usually show them, but if he is relaxed he reveals his halo and celestial formations equivalent to eyes (among others) Sometimes those eyes watch you while his real eyes are looking elsewhere.

Simeon grooms himself constantly and will groom you with the same intensity. But you don't have feathers so be careful, he can hurt you, you can avoid this by helping him preen so he'll be. distracted.

Simeon's nest is small, cosy and compact, he usually nests in his bedroom. He spends a lot of time indoors, even more in the Devildom.

You won't be able to help him nest because he wants to surprise you. How do I tell him that I don't usually live in nests?

He needs things that give him comfort and remind him of the Celestial Realm.

Bring him lots of flowers and things that are brightly coloured and warm but not poisonous or dangerous, those thing are for Asmo.

Simeon is not territorial. But in his period he have a highly developed protective and paternal instinct.

That's because in the Celestial Realm the younger angels are mentored by the older ones and Simeon plays an important role in this.

That's why Simeon feels anxious without having "his chicks" around, which is why Luke cannot be around during his cycles in the Devildam because he would overwhelm the young angel.

Due to this he cries a lot, so to comfort him you have to let him cuddle and coo at you. (He won't say directly that he wants more chicks but with you, I'm not ready for that Simeon ).

Simeon has a couple of days of pre-heat. Can you tell? Yes, when he starts to eat more protein, to hide blankets in the corners, and when he is more vigilant and follows Luke everywhere, the cycle is approaching.

Although he eats a lot before the heat, he hardly eats at all during it. But being in a different place than usual, with a little insistence he will do it.

He thinks you can't eat without him, he has to make sure he provides for his mate.

Simeon is not non-verbal in his cycle, but prefers to communicate with cooing and chirping, after several days it is easy to identify them.

When he looks at you with his big eyes and makes a little chirp he has you in the bag, he is a master manipulator.

Simeon's pheromones are very strong, and harmful to low-ranking demons, but he only limits the marking to his mate and his nest. (Luke too but he usually goes with Barbatos or to the House of Lamentations)

During the cycle physical contact is a must, as he hardly ever leaves the nest, he is practically glued to you at all times.

Turtledoves are monogamous and spend many hours in pairs, Simeon is the same, he will treasure you as the most important thing in all three worlds.

Simeon's courtship consists of showing off, spreading his wings and puffing out his feathers, (angelic formations also play a part in this).

However, the most important part of his courtship is singing, cyclical melodies and with a wide vocal range ( you can't hear some notes with your human hearing range >:(), he can spend hours singing + make sure he is properly hydrated and rested.

Simeon's senses during his period are heightened, but especially his hearing, any sound will make him alert (soundproofing spells will be very helpful in calming him down).

Simeon's temperature rises. Snuggling next to him means instant warmth, especially in his chest (if he were a bird he would hatch his eggs with his chest, cero proof, cero doubt).

Simeon's purring is like continuous chirping (can it be called purring?), sometimes it produces no sound but you can feel the vibration in the chest and throat.

It is not common for him to purr, but he does it especially when you are about to sleep cuddled together he's so cute when he wraps you up in his wings

Simeon: *crying silently*

Mc: *worried * Hey what's wrong?

Simeon: *hugging them* Mc *sad chirp*

Mc: What's wrong Simeon?

Simeon: I miss the little ones...

Mc: *apprehensive* There, there, how can I make you feel better?

Simeon: *staring at them with tear-filled eyes* make a chick?

Mc: … *cheeks about to explode* maybe another time.

Simeon: *apparently sleeping while his angelic formations watch them*

Mc: … *waving their hand to see if they'll follow it*

Simeon: *the "eyes" follow Mc's movement*

Mc: Heh

Simeon: *smiling* If you're so entertained, I can show you my primal form….

Mc: … Sorry, *kissing his forehead' sweet dreams.

Mc: *wraps themself around Simeon's wings as they caresses them* I'm getting sleepy….

Simeon: *purring as he smiles* I'm going to take you to the Celestial realm.

Mc: *stunned* Won't that be a problem?

Simeon: *softly cooing at them* I don't think so.

Mc: *practically asleep* Hum?

Simeon: *hugging them with a big smile* No one will dare question the couple I've chosen.

Raphael

Raphael is also diurnal, but he tolerates the dark better than Simeon, and he sleeps much less than him, that doesn't mean that in Devildom he is not a little disoriented.

Like most angels, Raphael is feathered during his period, his wings acquire new feathers and parts of his body are filled with smaller feathers and fluff.

In his case he has no iridescence, his plumage blends in very well with his environment.

He lets his halo and celestial formations show normally (he also uses it as an intimidation technique) although he wasn't sure if he would continue to do so after seeing your first reaction to them. They're cool... but kind of disturbing.

He spends considerable time grooming, he is calm and independent, he won't need your help, but he likes you to be close by "as if you were grooming together".

He tries to hide it, but he constantly looks sideways at you to make sure you are still there.

Raphael nests high up, so in the Devildom he nests inside the roof of the purgatory hall (in the Celestial Realm he has several nests, to keep watch despite the period)

He doesn't expect you to be in the nest all the time, but when he rests he does like you to be together.

Raphael feels a bit guilty that you take care of him. Is that vulnerability?

He does not know how to express his feelings well and is very indipendent, although he worries that you'll think that you make he feel uncomfortable or that he does not like you to take care of him, he's kinda cute.

Always alert and vigilant. Raphael is very territorial, he has the perimeter constantly guarded, nothing and no one is allowed near the purgatory hall, several spears are seen around the building as a warning to demons passing by.

It is not sure if it can be considered pre-heat but... Raphael becomes elusive and leaves the house less, he hardly talks to other people outside his circle.

Rapahel, unlike other angels, hunts during his period. So he usually feeds on raw prey, often wanting to share it with you like a hawk. Occasionally an evil imp has crept in and you have quickly released it, demons are friends not food

Raphael is totally non-verbal, his communication consists of small grunts and warning cries.

Ironically, he expresses a lot with his wings. It's funny because his wings make him much more expressive than when he's not on his period.

Raphael's pheromones are not as strong as Simeon's, but he marks much more, the whole Purgatory Hall is filled with his pheromones. Sometimes one of the brothers had been marked.

Raphael become more nervous than Simeon, he's less familiar with the Devildom, so to calm him down, cut off stimuli, cover his eyes while you talk to him and stroke his hair or wings.

Although he likes physical contact, you should always ask permission before doing so or he may become upset. He will do the same before cuddling next to you or stroking your hair.

Raphael's courtship is impressive, it involves Bridal Flights, which consist of acrobatic flights and all kinds of aerial pirouettes to get your attention. In an angel-angel situation the couple would accompany him in flight.

Then he also uses singing, (and it's true, Raphael's voice is out of this world) , you can't fly but you can sing so he'll expect you to reciprocate, if you hum along he'll be more than happy.

The sense that Raphael develops the most during his period is vision, he is able to see for miles this helps him not only to hunt but also to defend the fort.

His body temperature rises during his period this means that he is constantly ventilating the nest, so he wears warm clothes as a precaution.

Raphael's purring is deep and soft. It is impossible to catch him purring, he seems to wait until you are asleep to do it. But all in all it is an indicator that he is at ease and relaxed.

Raphael was the first one to talk to you about the periods of angels and demons, since he felt that as a human you would be the best person to help him in that kind of situation in a new place. Soooo unconsciously he is the one who clarified a lot of things for us... a lot of things, and the one who has triggered all this :D.

Raphael: *preening his wings*

Mc: *laying down next to him* This is rare…

Raphael: *watching them*

Mc: It's almost disturbing... so much independence, used to what I'm used to.

Raphael: *caressing their cheek with his own*

Mc: Thank you, I feel much better now.

Mc: Is it ok if I touch you?

Raphael: *blindfolded* … *nodding*

Mc: *caressing his back gently* You have to rest, as long as I'm here nothing dangerous will happen.

Raphael: *melting into the touch* …

Mc: Do you want me to keep talking? Or do you prefer to be silent?

Raphael: *cuddling up next to them*

Mc: *smiling* All right… today I went to the market…

Raphael: *singing as he stares at Mc*

Mc: *totally enraptured* Wow.

Raphael: *smiling in an angelic manner*

Mc: Damn, that's courtship and the rest is nonsense.

Raphael: *wrapping his wing around them and singing again*

Mc: *flustered* Wow....

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If you haveade it this far thanks you 🩷 the angel's part is a little longer but they are only two so...

Im just imagining the amazement on the boy's faces when they learn that humans can smell rain long before you even see a cloud -

MC: *sniff... sniiiifffff* It's gonna rain.

Solomon: *sniff* I agree.

They grab a jacket and an umbrella

The boys: What the fuck?

Some hours later, it's pouring cats and dogs, and the boys are soaked, but MC and Solomon are nice and dry.

The boys: what the fuck... 🤯

I fully believe that Solomon and MC just shout ""Wizard Spells"" at each other whenever they're bored. They shout shit like "I CAST MANUAL BLINKING" "I CAST MANUAL BREATHING" "I CAST EYELASH STUCK IN EYE" "I CAST TOTAL TOUNGE AWARENESS"

No real magic is used but a few demon brothers witnessed a "Wizard Duel" between MC and Solomon and got effected by "manual breathing" and fully believe that they are actually casting spells.

Lucifer: What in the devildom are you all up to now?

Mammon: SHH! MC and Solomon are having a wizard duel.

Belphie: I thought MC could only use our magic? Who's magic are they using?

Asmo: Their own!

Satan: They don't have magic.

Beel: Thats what we thought too but look.

-cut to MC and Solomon on opposite sides of the House of Lamentation's living room-

MC: I CAST INSTANT BRAZILLIAN WAX

Solomon: Oh you son of a bitch- I CAST ITCHY BONES!

MC: I CAST KIDNEY STONES!

Solomon: I CAST ENDOMETRIOSIS!

Lucifer: This is ridiculous. These aren't real spells.

MC: I CAST MANUAL BREATHING

Lucifer: *starts focusing on breathing* Wait what