Had An Appointment With My Neurologist Today. Guess Who Went There With A Stupid Spark Of Hope To Be

i be checking my phone like someone cares about me lol

different than what I usually post but I'm mentally so so tired and in a ranting mood lol

able bodied people doing things that aren't ideal for their health is so normalized, but when disabled people do it it's wrong or worse somehow?? are disabled people not allowed to be human sometimes??? "isn't that bad for XYZ?" "didn't you say you shouldn't XYZ?" "i thought people with XYZ shouldn't-" I'M AWARE!! I DID NOT ASK!! im not a toddler that you have to remind to eat their veggies or not to stand too close to the tv, im a grown ass adult. ive been living with my disability and chronic illnesses as long as i can remember. sometimes i don't wear my braces when i should, or drink more alcohol than i should, or have caffeine, or do things that I KNOW could trigger flares or seizure or some other issue my body feels like being a bitch about. im fucking human. im allowed to do things that make me happy even if it's not the best for me, just like anyone else. let me live, christ.

One of the most dangerous things in the world is not being able to say no to people because you don’t want to upset them or dissapoint them. This will completely ruin your life in every way possible, at work, in your private life, your sex life and your friendships. It’s a way of removing your own consent in your own decisions and go against your wishes, it is always a crime against yourself. Let yourself have a say. Upsetting people is better than traumatizing yourself.

actually though medical trauma is often really glossed over in general discussions and depictions of disability. i always get the sense that fiction mis-attributes medical trauma to hating being disabled but like. even people who are perfectly fine with their disability can experience extensive and severe medical trauma. people who are diagnosed or undiagnosed. people who were born disabled or became disabled after birth. you have to submit yourself constantly to the whims of people with significant power over you! you're forced to consent to things that you might find invasive in order to access healthcare. if you're trying to access healthcare you have to expose your difficulties, sometimes pain, sometimes suffering up for someone else's dissection and perusal. and it feels like shit even when they don't dismiss you or berate you, or assault you, or gaslight you, or deny you healthcare. god help you if you're also trans or black or brown or can't speak the local language well or a number of other intersecting issues

shoutout to the people who desperately want to move out but can't because they have medium/high support needs, and their family is the only people they have to rely on. especially since autistic and disabled adults are much more likely to suffer from loneliness. i hope you get what you need soon.

Your friends and family with chronic pain aren't doing well.

Yes, even the ones that say they are.

Yes, especially the ones that are complaining and lashing out already.

Chances are high that however bad they will admit things are it's actually worse. By a lot.

We're conditioned to be "okay". If we're breaking down at non scheduled times we aren't coping well. I promise.

Your sibling/partner/bestie/parent who is breaking down without preamble on a Tuesday is suffering. Be kind. We're sorry.

People eventually get diagnosed BECAUSE they are already disabled and struggling. The symptoms don't appear AFTER the diagnosis. So don't expect everyone without a professional diagnosis to be basically fine. That makes no sense.