Scrunching My Face Real Hard Rn

I’d be a better spouse than Demetrius ever would on god

this isnt funny. they stick you in a town full of milfs and you cant even fuck them. its sick

Khajiit has wares...

“This pupper has 0% athletic skills, but he’s still 100% good boy”

(via)

I love Columbo because there’s all these rich white guys who are like “I’m better and smarter and more special than everyone, I deserve to do a free murder! And get away with it too!” So they do some murder, and then this guy shows up

And he looks like a pile of dirty laundry, and he wanders in off the street holding the saddest cup of coffee you’ve ever seen and goes “Hey, sorry to bother you, but I knew it was you who did the murder by shaking your hand. What a lovely home by the way, unbelievable, absolutely gorgeous. Oh and sorry, but I did also trick you into hand delivering damning evidence to me, hope you understand :/ Got a light by the way? Anyone got a light around here, a match er something?”

And then he runs off because his car is getting towed or whatever. It’s great, I fucking love it, and I’d happily watch 10000 episodes of this exact formula :)

Sounds like he's already hit his limit of white powder lol

Also - being from the south myself - I TOO forget how to function like a normal human being when trying to drive if there's even a DUSTING of snow. Flash floods? Tornadoes? No problem! A light dusting of snow on the ground?!?! Real Shit

last one is a direct quote from my cousin. thanks for dropping that one me the other day, blue.

the best parts of columbo are the bits in each episode where the villains like 5 seconds from snapping at columbo, but they can’t without being suspicious so they just make This Face

Y’ever read something and have understanding that has eluded you interminably suddenly stop, curl up, and snuggle neatly into a fold in your brain because a new way way opened to it?