I'm At The Point In My Depressed State Where I'm Depriving Myself Of Friendship. All I Do Is Go On Ao3

I'm at the point in my depressed state where I'm depriving myself of friendship. All I do is go on ao3 to read Mha fanfic and go to the doctors

Like I'm Young, in my teens yk? But I'm like struggling so much right now why should I live longer? I have no motivation, no passion? The only reason I'm at least a little happy is because I'm overly obsessed with Mha and have been since August of 2021. I have been officially diagnosed with depression and I did take antidepressants for a bit but insurance dropped it and I have been seeking an ADHD diagnosis. I mean I always had accommodations in school (the school diagnosed me with "learning disability" but like they can't diagnose anything specific ig) and I also failed 2nd grade. but then I did like really good in school I think like I was always bad at writing specifically spelling but like with math and science I was great like I'm in 9th grade and I already did geometry, algebra 1, civics, pre AP world, biology like i Pass the test with all of them and what not. Like I feel like numb or just really really sad all the time normally I'm randomly crying in the middle of the night or like really bad anxiety chest squeezing shit. And like me being "smart" was always like a shock or like a pleasant delight in my family because my mother was in special ed her whole life and taught herself how to read after high School, my dad was okay.. he did a lot of fooling around ig my parents were in high School in the '90s so that says something I think

Any advice would be nice I just wanted a to vent ig sorry if I make no sense