The Desire To Be Mysterious Is Such A Pothole... Like Wdym U Didn't Work On Shit At Home Bc U Didn't

aaaaaaaaaand then after ur emo break someone makes everything feel okay <3 i love my manager sometimes

so storytime. last august i met up with my cousin and his friend who had just moved up here, but tbh i didn't really have fun (probs has to do with the fact that they grew up in a Very different tax bracket and we thus have Very different views on life, politics, morals, etc....). so when he requested to follow me on instagram i ignored it for like. two months until i felt bad and accepted and followed him back. he then dm'd (just to clarify, he has a gf i think he's just lonely in a new city and would like a friend) and we dm'd a little until i decided to just ghost him bc i was so over it :D fast forward to last week i was feeling guiltier than usual about my past actions and decided to just dm him back feigning apologies. and now we're hanging out friday and he wants my number to determine the time? like why sir we r communicating just fine via instagram. i don't need another form of communication through which i must ghost you when neither of us have fun on friday. so anyways i hate myself

genuinely tweaking rn... probs because period is in a week? but why am i on the verge of tears like wtf i have to be back at work in less than thirty minutes...

okay so you know how last week i had a REALLY SUCCESSFUL WORK CRUSH INTERACTION (granted i did absolutely nothing to prompt it but i do think bc i looked Very Cute (see: hair was wavy and was wearing my uo shirt with my zara slacks) and this was like the one time we were working in the same shift wc decided to take initiative? a girl can dream)

now i rarely see wc- they always schedule us opposite and so today this was like the only time im gonna interact with him until next week and dude. i fumbled so hard....... well to be accurate, i guess to fumble you have to be playing the game. but i was so blech today mainly just really tired and hella out of it and i said hi first but i said it super blechhhhh and then later i saw wc on the line and i was tryna get bread and wc was like HEY WHATS GOOD (not psychotic but very energetic) and i was like 🥹👍 and scampered off bc of chaos. also bc i think the fact that my brain defaults to "no one Reallllly wants to talk to you" and i therefore treat everyone like that i come off super chajkakaoainwnsna like i hope wc doesn't think i hate them...... it's actually quite the opposite... also bc i felt super shitty today. udsghsnakakan i hope we have a shift together this week bc i think we'd really vibe...... ugh just broccoli things i guess rip

istg if i don't move out soon i'm buying a fkn vape i've tried so hard to fight it but sometimes a girl's gotta smoke a joint in the bathtub and she can't do that with her parents next door

idc if this sounds stupid but my newest favorite thing in the world that i just discovered on monday is the white chocolate bergamot mocha from the case study coffee roasters around the block from du's grill in portland

i miss my friends

i think this goes hand-in-hand with my post from yesterday... GET UR HEAD OUT OF UR ASS AND START LIVING RAH

okay am Heavily dreading hangout tmrw barf barf blech. am only happy bc will get to eat green curry for dinner. would be fine if he didn't text like a moron. already knew i hated when men say shit like "good girl," but did not realize how much i hate when men call me the following over text: "ma'am" and "miss [insert neighborhood i live in]." like wtf we barely know each other it's not even funny. also he only said "ma'am" i think bc i was taking most of the initiative in deciding shit for this hangout bc he's stupid. he's the one that texted to hangout first like grow a pair?!? he asks me what to eat. i ask asian or western. he says asian. i give several options. he picks one. i then suggest the time (i thought he would but it's only because i forgot he's stupid- i would also like to note he specifically asked for my number under the guise of determining a time for the hangout), to which he says "yes ma'am." like GOD FORBID A WOMAN TAKE INITIATIVE BC YOU'RE NOT DOING JACKSHIT. LIKE WHY AM I MA'AM ALL OF A SUDDEN. LIKE EW. WTF. i was gonna buy dinner to atone for ghosting last year but now im so traumatized i feel he owes me further compensation. please send help and thoughts and wishes and prayers and whatever tf because i'm gonna need to be severely liquored and/or drugged up to get to and survive tmrw night

why r men so gross like ew