Alexey Kondakov

STEM dark academia aesthetics

Lab coats with mysterious stains

Dissecting cadavers and studying bottled organs

Building a neural network that gains sentience and craves your affection and approval

Mouth pipetting

Mourning the mistreatment of Rosalind Franklin

Licking rocks

Doing maths with numbers that don't exist

Calculating the distance between stars

Brewing your own alcohol in the lab

Drinking coffee out of a beaker because the kitchen was out of clean mugs

Running medical experiments on unsuspecting undergrads with nothing to lose

Having a pet axalotl in the lab/office named Haeckel

p>0.05

sometimes i want to pull my hair out because i want to see just ONE female character i can relate to in terms of their romantic/sex life

i want to see a girl in her mid twenties who has never been kissed

i want to see a girl who is confused because she has literally no experience

a girl that has panic attacks when she thinks of sex and cant stop thinking about what kissing is like while also being terrified of it

a girl who cant figure out her sexuality because she’s never gotten to try

a girl who self destructs because shes terrified of how bigger her baggage gets with age

i’m sick of seeing woman in tv and movies who date and have sex and still have relationship hangups, not because that doesnt exist but because i cant relate to those women

i want to turn on the tv and see a 25 year old woman who has never been with anyone, was genuinely not looked at for a long time and has become terrified of attention, who’s anxiety cheats them out of dating, who greets every birthday with this feeling of dread in the pit of their stomach because they’re getting older and older and it feels weirder and more wrong with every passing year

i know i’m not the only woman like this, but with the way the media is, it’s maybe the most alienating baggage i carry. everywhere i look, it’s weird that this is my experience. i feel ashamed and i feel scared that i one day have to tell a person to their face that i’m am adult who has never had a first kiss. its terrifying and consuming and confusing and awful. you start to believe it isnt meant for you - not just sex, or intimacy, but fucking love itself. because you dont turn on the tv and see people like you. “unlucky in love” means slightly clumsy and loud on dates and fear of commitment. its a quirky girl who probably has had sex with multiple people and just ~cant figure it out~!!!!!

i want a girl who feels so alone because she literally always has been

that’s what i wanna see

Retail Gothic

There seems to be a new worker every week, but they rarely ever stay for more than a few shifts. What is driving them away? Do they know the truth?

"Come back when the manager is here." You tell them. You do not know who the manager is. You do not know when the manager will be here. You do not know what the manager is. It is better off that way.

There is a new product on display. You dont know what it is. Nobody knows what it is. Nobody knows where it came from. There is no record of it being shipped. You leave it on display. You know that if you take it down, it will return. You know the truth.

You feel like you have been working for hours and hours. Your feet feel like anchors and your soul begins to crumble into the void. You smile at a customer. It has only been 40 minutes.

Everytime you leave the store, you leave a piece of your soul behind. This is how they train you to be customer friendly. This is the truth.

"I'll go grab my supervisor." You say. You go to look for her but you cant find her. When you return, she is standing where you once were with a smile on her face. You dont remember what you needed her for. She is still smiling.

When your shift ends, it is dark out. It is noon. The cold wind blows and the snow begins to fall. It is summer. The store has stolen the final piece of your soul. You begin to crumble.

You do not know what time it is anymore. The clocks will not give you answers. They do not want you to know the truth.

A customer begins to tell you a story as you scan their items. The story takes place in 1982. It is 2020. They dont look as old as they should. Their eyes are so bright. Their teeth are so white and plentiful. Why are there so many teeth? What is the story about?

Your coworker starts to tell you a story one day but never gets to finish it. You ask her about it the next day. She says she wasnt here yesterday. You weren't there yesterday either.

You become lost in the aisles. No matter which direction you turn, you end up down another aisle. You turn left and end up in the back room. The store is now closed.

Theres another customer. Theres always another customer. You know better than to look them in the eyes. They can smell your fear. You hope they leave soon. The store is now closed.

You do not remember life before you worked here. You do not remember where you are. You do not remember your name. You look down at the name tag. It is not your name. You cannot tell them what you know.

"The store is now closed." You tell the customer. You can see the desperation in their eyes. You cannot tell what they want or what they are running from. You dont want to know.

The radio has played the same song four times now. You tell your coworker. They say there is no music playing. You know the truth. You know too much.

The store is now closed.

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There is something so beautiful about woman dressed in historical clothing that’s usually only worn by men.

Like, a man wearing historical fashion: eh, ok I guess, I mean it’s still cool cause- history! but still just ok…

But a woman: More beautiful than Aphrodite, a queen! I aspire to look like this. Woman, honestly, can pull of historical men’s historical fashion so well, and they all look like queens and badasses.

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Pale Fire

Things To Do During A Pandemic

We are all probably bored at this point. Wondering what we can do to keep busy if we are stuck at home. So, here’s a list:

- Learn to play that instrument.

- Start painting.

- Learn to knit.

- Get your family together and learn how to play poker or another card game.

(Only if you all live in the same house obviously! Don’t invite people over. Lock that door! lol)

- Learn to crochet.

- Make a zine or two or three and digitize them.

- Start a cyber study group.

- Learn a new language.

- Take a class or two online.

- Start or tend a garden.

- Learn to cook a new recipe or how to preserve food.

- Get a couple board games.

- Get a new video game or two.

- Start a blog.

- Write that novel.

- Work on fan fiction.

- Get through your TBR list.

- Download Hoopla from your library and take some of “The Great Courses”.

- Watch a symphony livestream.

- Learn the basics of Yoga, Tai Chi, or Qi Gong.

- Start a fitness program at home.

- Walk your dog.

- Go to the park.

- Go for a hike.

- Go for a picnic.

- BBQ anyone?

- Go foraging.

- Watch some livestreams.

- Start a livestream with your friends.

- Spring clean.

- Press flowers.

- Start a diy project you’ve been putting off.

- Write for a digital magazine or two (Brontide Journal and Optopia are accepting submissions).

- Start a journal.

- Practice photography.

- Learn calligraphy.

- Practice self care.

- Learn how to sew or mend.

- Old movie night. I suggest Vincent Price.

- Make a comic.

- Make pixel art.

- Make digital art or learn how to use an art program.

- Make some jewelry.

- Learn how to carve.

- Start a newsletter.

- Subscribe to a newsletter.

- Wood burning stuff.

- Ceramics.

- Write poetry.

- Write an essay.

- Video chat with friends or family.

- Chess.

- Write or act out a play with family or friends you’re staying with.

- Listen to podcasts.

- Curate some new playlists.

video essays i love and think about a lot (mainly in relation to pop culture):

aaliyah, britney & the apathy of lifetime “biopics”

baby phat enterprise:  how kimora lee simmons pioneered 2000’s fashion

whiplash vs. black swan — the anatomy of the obsessed artist

born sexy yesterday

parasite — the power of symbols

hilary duff, lizzie mcguire, and the teen idol pigonhole

why this font is everywhere

it’s time to talk about the r@cism in dan schneider’s shows

a legally blonde fashion analysis

ghost singing: jennifer lopez’s stolen vocals and songs

the late capitalism of kpop

jennifer’s body and the horror of bad marketing

let’s get sad: a last of us video essay

video vixens got paid like rappers

how midsommar brainwashes you

beyonce’s voice is changing (part one, part two, part three)

explained: smoking and the voice

here’s what we missed on glee

how one netflix movie broke the entire internet

naughty dog’s game design is outdated

jeffree star faked everything about… well, everything

how we failed megan fox

mariah carey’s voice

token black girl: how tyra banks vs. naomi campbell was orchestrated by the industry

colorism in your favorite black sitcoms

that 80s show and the limits of nostalgia

‘us’ and the american dream: what it means

unraveling the madness of kanye west

life is strange: the worst best friend

i’ve been doing my homework on how to break into a writing career and honestly. there’s a Lot that i didn’t know about thats critical to a writing career in this day and age, and on the one hand, its understandable because we’re experiencing a massive cultural shift, but on the other hand, writers who do not have formal training in school or don’t have the connections to learn more via social osmosis end up extremely out of loop and working at a disadvantage. 

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masterpost of horror lists

here are all my horror lists in one place to make it easier to find! enjoy!

sub-genres

action horror

analog horror

animated horror

anthology horror

aquatic horror

apocalyptic horror

backwoods horror

campy horror

cannibal horror

children’s horror

comedy horror

coming-of-age horror

corporate/work place horror

cult horror

dance horror

dark comedy horror

daylight horror

death games

domestic horror

ecological horror

erotic horror

experimental horror

fairytale horror

folk horror

found footage horror

giallo horror

gothic horror

grief horror

historical horror

holiday horror

home invasion horror

house horror

indie horror

isolation horror

lgbtqia+ horror

lovecraftian/cosmic horror

medical horror

meta horror

monster horror

musical horror

mythological horror

neo-monster horror

new french extremity horror

paranormal horror

political horror

psychedelic horror

psychological horror

religious horror

revenge horror

romantic horror

sad/dramatic horror (i think??)

science fiction horror

slasher

southern gothic horror

splatter/body horror

survival horror

techno-horror

vampire horror

virus horror

werewolf horror

western horror

witch horror

zombie horror

horror plots/settings

road trip horror

summer camp horror

cave horror

doll horror

cinema horror

cabin horror

plot devices

storm horror

from a child’s perspective

final girl/guy (this is slasher horror trope)

last guy/girl (this is different than final girl/guy)

reality-bending horror

slow burn horror

foreign horror or non-american horror

african horror

spanish horror

middle eastern horror

korean horror

japanese horror

british horror

german horror

indian horror

thai horror

irish horror

scottish horror

slavic horror (kinda combined a bunch of countries for this)

chinese horror

french horror

australian horror

decades

silent era

30s horror

40s horror

50s horror

60s horror

70s horror

80s horror

90s horror

2000s horror

2010s horror

2020s horror

companies/services

blumhouse horror

a24 horror

ghosthouse horror

shudder horror

other lists

horror literature to movies

techno-color horror movies

video game to horror movie adaption

video nasties

female directed horror

my 130 favorite horror movies

horror movies critics hated because they’re stupid

horror remakes/sequels that weren’t bad

female villains in horror

horror movies so bad they’re good

non-horror movies that feel like horror movies

directors + their favorite horror movies + directors in the notes

tumblr’s favorite horror movie (based off my poll)

horror movie plot twists

cult classic horror movies

essential underrated horror films

worst horror movie husbands

religious horror that isn’t christianity 

black horror movies

extreme horror (maybe use this as an avoid list)