The Justice League Playing Fuck, Marry, Kill, But You Can’t Play Fuck, Marry, Kill, Without Gothams

The Justice League playing fuck, marry, kill, but you can’t play fuck, marry, kill, without Gothams Most Eligible Bachelor coming up at least once, so someone mentions him and Batman decides he does not need to know what his colleagues would do to his civilian identity and he stands up to leave

But Flash (trying to joke around) says “What are you friends or something?” and Batman doesn’t pick up on the joke because he’s halfway between revealing his identity or never showing his face in front of the Justice League ever again and so he just says “Sure that… yeah friends! Friends is good.” and he walks out like he’s trying really hard not to run and picks up a bottle of whatever’s strongest and as Batman leaves and he starts drink it without even pausing to breathe.

So Flash says “Holy shit did Batman go through a bad breakup with Bruce Wayne?!?!” and everyone starts arguing over whether they’re still dating or if they broke up and no one pauses to think that maybe they were never dating in the first place so they accept Batman x Bruce Wayne as fact.

The next time Batman has to meet the Justice League he’s fully prepared to never acknowledge anything happened but now there are three sides, one side thinks that they’re still dating, one side thinks they broke up because of Bruce (for varying reasons though), and the other side thinks they broke up because of Batman (again for varying reasons).

And so every single hero is trying to get Batman to admit/tell everyone else that their side was right and he’s sitting here questioning his every choice as some of his closest friends are trying to get him to tell them he was/is in a relationship with himself and how it ended.

(It’s also not only trying to figure out what happened, they want to know why Batman did whatever caused them to break up, what Bruce Wayne did to Batman, or hows it’s like to be dating one of the richest men alive)

This ends in one of two ways, the short way and the long way. In the short way he just pulls off his mask in the middle of a meeting to reveal that he is Bruce Wayne, he’s about five more comments away from a breakdown.

In the long way he runs back to Gotham and goes out of his way to never EVER have to see another hero ever again and so Superman chews everybody out because they obviously made him uncomfortable and it was none of their business, and he keeps trying to find Batman and Batman uses every skill he’s ever learnt to hide from Superman.

The media is in shambles trying to figure out what caused this, has the Justice League gone rouge and Batman is the only sane member left? Is it because he doesn’t have powers? Is Superman on the Justice Leagues side or Batmans? Was there an attack that revealed a secret? The only up side to the speculation was that no one paused twice when Bruce Wayne jumped out of a window after an attack at Lex Luthors gala because Superman was coming.

Eventually the world is going to end or something if Batman doesn’t help and he swoops in just in the nick of time and the minute it’s over he runs like his life depends on it but someone catches him or he’s to injured to get far or whatever and everyone is only not bothering him because Superman is glaring at them, DARING them to mention it and upset Batman.

And Batman just sits there for a long seconds, and pulls off his mask.

It’s absolute chaos. Everyones minds are breaking, Batman looks like he’s about to cry, J’onn is laughing so hard he can’t stand, the noise is so loud and all the heroes are freaking out so much that any nearby civilians are wondering if they didn’t manage to save the world after all.

Throughout all of this J’onn (the mind reader) knows his identity and is both comforting Batman and trying not to start laughing at everyone else.