What Can I Say?

DID YOU KNOW THIS IN BRAZILIAN FOLKLORE?

There's a history in Brazilian Folklore called Zé Malandro, one of the histories compiled in the book "Contos de Enganar a Morte" (tales to deceive Death), a book that tells histories about People who tried to cheat on Death.

On the final of the book, there's the history of Zé Malandro, a man who is known of being a very smart and tricky bastard. In the history he is visited by Saint Peter, who wants to save his soul, so he gives to Zé 3 Wishes. Zé then spends the 3 Witches in 3 magical Itens:

1-A Mango Tree wich anyone who climb it will be stuck until he lets The person leaves;

2-A Bench wich anyone who Sit on it will be unable to get up until he lets The Person leaves;

3-A Bag big enough to trap 2 People inside of it, and anyone inside of it wont be able to get out until he lets The Person leaves.

So he lived his life normally, and Death arrived. So he asked for his last wish, wich was a mango from The tree in his Garden. When death climbed The Tree, she got stuck in there for days, until she promised to give to Zé Malandro more years of Life. And only then he let her go.

Years passed, Death decided not to come in fear of falling in another trick, so who she asked for help?

Exactly. The Devil. She asked The Devil to go talk to Zé Malandro and take him to Hell, but Zé Malandro asked for a last card game before going to hell. When The Devil sat on the bench to play The card game, he got stuck and stayed in there for months until he promised to let Zé Malandro Live for some more years. And only then Zé Malandro let him go. So when The Devil Went back to Hell, he met a very angry woman awaiting for him.

His WIFE.

She was angry not only that he left for months but also that he let a human get the best on him. So she said that now they both would get Zé Malandro and drag him to Hell.

However, Zé Malandro left a trap for them both: an open Window, where they Fell inside...

The BAG.

Both the Devil and his Wife got trapped inside The Bag and Zé Malandro beat them with a stick for days until they decided to leave him Alone. So when Zé Malandro opened The bag both The Devil and his wife fled to Hell running to Never came back.

One day then, Zé Malandro decided to die. But when he Went to heaven, Saint Peter kicked him out saying he rejected salvation and a place in heaven just for 3 magical itens. When he went to hell, The Devil closed The Door on his face and both him and his wife screamed:

FUCK OFF!

So with no place to go, Zé Malandro came back to Life and just spend his days with his 3 magical itens, playing cards, drinking booze and Making friends. Like an Immortal Grandpa.

I just love this history because its so fucking funny. An old dude beat both The devil family and death at the same time.

How would this go in Hazbin? I really wanna know.

mutuals. do any of you have the really long photo of qui gon jinn that says "is this guy bothering you queen" i need it

Wich character comes to mind?

Found this tierlist i made some months ago

Should i change it?

Jaune: *Panting*

Cinder: *running after him using her Flames like turbins*: GET BACK HERE JAUNE!

Jaune: Leave me alone! *Runs Into a building*

Cinder: JAUNE AAAARRRRCCC!!!! YOU CANT ESCAPE ME! *She gets on all fours and start climbing The building like a Spider in The wall* IM GONNA HUNT YOU UNTIL THE EDGES OF THE WORLD!

Jaune: *On top of The building* I think i escaped her- *Cinder Jumpscares him* OH SH-

My Ex lives here.

Jaune and Cinder are on a date (forced by Cinder) while walking down the street.

Jaune: *Stops* Hey, my ex lives there.

Cinder: *Stops to look* Darling, that's my house.

She turns to look at him, but Jaune was already running half a kilometer away from her.

Speaking of Sylvanas... The deal with her is that some sexist dickbag behind the story made her into black and white villain, but Lily didn't mind it until later it was pointed out her actions were immoral and they explained them by saying she was brainwashed, right? Sorry of you don't know yourself, I have no idea who else I could ask about it.

Now you got me there because i never played World of Warcraft lol

But from what i have heard, the reasons she disliked how Warcraft wrote Sylvanas is how they turned her into a villain and botchered the Horde.

Unfortunally im not a reliable source about that sorry for it.

HOW TO NOT WRITE VILLAINS: THE SITH RESURGENCE EDITION

Note: The Post about The Fic resume is still on the oven. This is an extra about a thing i need to complain about on this damned fanfic.

Kylo Ren in this fanfic is more of a punching bag than a proper villain.

But lets start with a point.

A thing everyone who knows Lily Orchard knows is that she hates a certain group of characters. These characters are what she calls "The White favourites of fandom", and they all fall in the same archetype according to her:

1: They are male.

2: They happen to be White most of the time.

3: They usually start as villains or antagonists but get their redemptions at some point or are so loved by The fandom they are used in other media like references or even full participations that makes People change their vision on them.

Her list include characters like Hunter (The Owl House), N (Pokemon), Arthas (World of Warcraft), Silver (Pokémon), Laios (Dungeon Meshi) and a bunch of others, but there is one in the list that gets the crown of most hated one.

Kylo Ren.

Lily hates him A LOT. Like, when i say a lot, i mean that almost ALL HER VÍDEOS INCLUDE HIM AT SOME POINT. IN HER POKEMON REVIEW SHE NAMED SILVER KYLE RON JUST TO "Beat him without remorse", AND EVEN IN HER STAR WARS FANFIC HE IS THE WORST VERSION OF HIM.

Now, lets take one thing clear. Kylo ren is a trash character? Yes he is. He had a cool concept but got a bad execution, thats why in some fanfics People try to make him either a better villain or redeem him. However, in Lily's case, she made sure he is a pathetic punching bag for her main characters.

This is now a resume on how Kylo goes in this history and how to NOT write a villain.

1-Not a Real Threat

A thing Lily claims to love are "Low stakes histories", wich are normally histories focused on small things like personal problems. However, The Sith Resurgence is on the problem lots of histories fall that its called

The villain is not a real threat.

And still, Lily tries to sell the ideia on Kylo being a threat. Like, lets jump to chapter 2 of the fic.

The chapter introduces Kylo Ren as an explosive person, but while in the movies we see his first introduction as being more threatening and serious but with anger issues that make him a bad Darksider, in this fic he is literally a manchild with a Lightsaber. All his flaws are upped to 100%.

In fact, in chapter 2 he senses Aliana's presence and after she denies coming with him, they fight. However, Kylo gets stomped by Aliana and is forced to run back to his ship by her. After that, it becomes a snowball, because every single fight, argue or even a moment in the fic he SHOULD show his strenght...

It fucking falls on ground.

Not only he is extremely weak, Lily sells the ideia that he is actually extremely powerful but had a bad teacher and was a bad student.

A bad student i can excuse but luke a BAD TEACHER?

Go fuck yourself, Lily.

Anyways, right after this loss, Kylo Ren starts getting more and more disrespect, even from his own allies. He is bullied, disrespected and even threatened by his own companions. This makes him wanting more and more to defeat both Aliana and Rey so he could get his respect and pride back.

But

Every

SINGLE

TIME

HE GETS HIS ASS FOLDED BY THEM BOTH. ALL HIS FIGHTS, ALL THE MOMENTS HE COULD BE SELLED AS THE BIG BAD OF THIS FIC, THROWN IN THE GROUND FOR NOTHING EXCEPT MAKING HIM THE PUNCHING BAG OF THE MAIN CHARACTER AND HER WIFE!

Kylo Ren in this fic is not a real threat to any of them. He is just the punching bag. Why?

Because Lily hate him.

2-The Hate blinds a writer, so a cat on a blender.

Its not uncommon doing histories out of spite of things you dislike. But in case of lily, at least 90% of her histories (Iris and Kiera not included) are made because she spites things of a certain média. Pokemadhouse has lots of moments where Lily calls out things of pokemon world, like Pokeballs being the tools to enslave pokemon, and her Warcraft fantiction used to tackle a lot of both Blizzard and Wow mistakes. However, most of the problems came from The fandom itself.

And one the only things i can agree with her is that shippers can ruin a media or the reputation of it.

Yes.

Im talking about Reylo.

You see, Lily absolutely despises Disney Canon, the Star Wars fandom in General and Reylos. But her hatred moved her on this fic decisions, like the Curse on the Beniko Clan and the hatred the Force have for them. She claimed in one post from her now-deleted old account that she took inspiration on them for it, on People who dislike her fic, her vision on Sith not being evil or her critics about how star wars is handled by media. Wanna know the worst part about the Force hate in this fic?

In this fic, The Force is Reylo. Not exactly reylo, but you remember the Force Bond thing in The Last Jedi, where Rey and Kylo share minds and start talking with eachother then Snoke reveals that it was him who bonded them?

Well, it all falls to the ground because of this scene (TW: SA Mention below)

Where Lily compared the Mind Probe, a Dark Side Force technique to read minds.

To R4pe.

Yes. Mind reading counts as S3xu4l 4ssault somehow, and this is a Cat in a Blender situation on the fic.

Cat in a Blender is a term that is used to reference moments where the writers make certain characters do horrible things to excuse the main characters actions. In this fic, Kylo Ren actions are considered the worst of crimes, even when Aliana actions are literally pure evil most of time. She kills, and threatens and even uses mind tricks to get rid of all enemies in her way, and yet the punching bag of the fic is accused on SA just to excuse the "Punishment" he receives. The hate of this character is so big that his suffering extends for 46 of the 48 chapters of this fic. And not only that but ends with not only he losing again but in such painful and destructive way that makes it feel pointless.

The ideia of a villain being ruined because of the writer hating on the character is a reason why i took almost 2 months to finish this history. Because at some points, it was just Cat in a Blender situations all over again. And other points were just Lily using her fic to directly attack star wars and its fans over and over again. Hate can really blind a writer from its own mistakes.

3-The Hatred 4 years after the fic ended still remains.

We all need to grow up at some point, even if we keep disliking one thing. But the thing that lily cant stop doing is remembering People she hates certain characters and considers their existence like the coming of the anti-christ. Kylo Ren hate stopped being cool after the Rise of Skywalker, People moved on of it. But all the time she must remember People on her vídeos that Kylo Ren sucked, that his fans are thrash, that Reylos are thrash...

Girl, move on. Its a bad character and you made the character a punching bag for being bullied and tortured the entire fanfic where the Mary sues could do everything and him nothing. We get it.

But still, its been years the fic ended. Move on. You remember the warcraft reference you made on this scene.

"Its all NOTHING!"

I am too big for the fridge! I cant partake on the party!

We're putting Rat in one of these as time out.

Michael Morningstar from Ben 10

Fuck personality tests. Who comes to your mind when I say “Michael”

BRAZILIAN MAGICAL CREATURES YOU CAN USE ON YOUR HISTORIES

Are you in need of magical beings that are not from eurocentric or north american settings on your histories?

I can give you some ideias. Here, i listed some mythological brazilian creatures for who is interested. Check it out:

The first one on The list is Capelobo

Capelobo is a Werewolf-like monster, who is a man who in full moon nights turn into a monster with hooves on its feet and that have an Ant-Eater head. The creature attacks mainly humans, slashing them with its giant sharp claws and then using its massive tongue to pierce The human skull and feast on their Brains.

The Second One is Gorjala

Gorjala is a vengeful spirit that assumes The form of a Giant Black Man or a Cyclop who eats People who are in their way, as a form to try appeasing The Hunger of the thousands of Black Men and Women who died because of Hunger during slavery. It appears mainly at night.

And the last by now: Cupendiepe

The Cupendiepe is a tribe of Vampire Beings who apparently lived in Brazilian hills and caves before the colonization. They had sharp teeth, bat wings and slept like bats. According to natives, they all had axes made of Steel, wich they used to call it "Moon Scythes" because of their shape. Also according to natives, The Cupendiepes were hunted until they were all extinct, The last remnants being suffocated to death with smoke on their caves. There's a history that tells one boy from The tribe survived, but died of depression mixed with the fact of no native knowing how to raise him.

If you want to see more magical creatures from Brazil, send me a comment or an ask.