I Sit. I Listen To My Number One Song From Spotify Wrapped 2023 Concorde By Black Country New Road. I

Art is not my friend right now

I am filled with so much jealousy for other’s art, I am unable to enjoy my own.

Art is not my friend right now.

I can’t come up with anything new. I miss the days where this wasn’t a chore. We aren’t friends right now because I want my art to be something it is not.

Art is not my friend right now. I can’t make my hands create what is in my head.

Art is not my friend right now.

But all I want is for our friendship to return. It may be selfish, I want her to bring me joy. She might be the only one that can. I want to bring her to life, so we can walk hand in hand amongst creation.

Art will be my friend again soon.

cannibalized by my own jealousy

Envy consumes like a starving fire, Devouring all that's in its ire, Ripping apart what's not its own, Gnashing teeth, breaking bone.

Claws reach out to grab and shred, Leaving nothing but crimson red, Territorial in its gruesome feast, Not a scrap left for even the beast.

Digesting every ounce of worth, Leaving only an empty dearth, Jealousy spares no part or limb, Tearing apart even the strongest vim.

A monster within, hungry and vile, Feasting on envy, keeping it on trial, Until it has destroyed all in its path, Leaving just a carcass, in aftermath.

Haiku #2

prince turns to pauper in the the dying sun's arms for all else is lost

our last summer on the river

The air smelled sweet, of growing green

And flowers bloomed, their beauty serene

Birds chirped, as if on cue

As we dived into waters blue

The water ran with ease and grace,

A world so still and full of place.

As we grew up, we came of age,

Our path ahead, a turning page.

Our hearts would race with each new thought,

The tides of life we'd brave and sought.

And as we witnessed the river flow,

We found ourselves with more to know.

Through twists and turns, our stories formed,

A tale of love and life adorned.

As dreams took shape and hearts were won,

The summer's light had just begun.

On that river's edge, we found our way,

Our lives transformed with each new day.

And though we'd soon be far apart,

The memories etched within our heart.

Our summer days, we'll treasure long,

For in its embrace, we grew strong,

And as we bid farewell to our youth,

We'll always know, our bond is the truth.

“my hair journey” what journey did you go on. “journey.” that’s no journey. you had shoulder length hair and you grew it out. the word you want is progression. do not bring frodo and odysseus into this discussion.

been feeling a lot like him lately

how am i going to get by how am i going to pay for so and so what am i going to do on my spare time so i can enjoy myself will i enjoy my life is it worth it to be alive is it worth it to go to work everyday

explode

I am afraid of so much.

Of getting older.

Of change.

Of moving on.

Of sleep.

Of school.

Of never finding love.

Of routine.

Of the fact that my friends probably don’t love me.

Of failure.

Of loss. 

Of me. 

My collection of fears has grown so large, that my brain has become a museum for them.

Stuffed to the brim.

But new fears continue to be added to my collection everyday. 

I wonder to myself, in a whisper of thought, “Will I have enough space?” 

Or will my brain overflow and explode. 

That is my greatest fear.

Explosion. 

“stop traumadumping to your friends tell this to your therapist” my god they paywalled human connection