Sam: There's A Spider! Quick!

Bucky, after a nightmare about his time at HYDRA: How are you still holding yourself together?

Y/N: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.

Peter: …Mood…

Y/N: If you had to choose between Steve and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose?

Bucky: That depends, how much money are we talking about?

Steve: Bucky!

Y/N: 63 cents.

Bucky: …I’ll take the money.

Steve: BUCKY!!!

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-

Peter: No returns.

Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad...

Loki: What’s your biggest fear?

Steve: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone.

Stephan: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.

Peter: Zombies.

Steve: ...

Stephan: ...

Peter: BUT they can open doors.

Peter: It’s Christmas! Are you all in a Christmas mood?!

Ned: Merry crisis.

Y/N: Jingle bells, jingle bells, single all the way.

MJ: Hoe hoe hoe.

Peter: Guys, please.

Peter: Croissants: dropped

Bucky: Road: works ahead

Loki: BBQ sauce: on my titties

Y/N: Shavacado: fre

Steve:

Steve, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

Tony: Y/N, Peter, I’ve left a letter telling your guardians not to worry—

Y/N: They won’t.

Tony: That you’re safe—

Y/N: That’ll just depress them.

Tony: —and you’ll see them in a few weeks.

Peter: Do we have to?

Ned: Did you bring Y/N?

Shuri, gesturing to Peter: No, but I brought the next best thing.

Ned: Peter? The next best thing would be MJ.

Peter: I would be offended, but MJ is freakishly strong.

Stark!Reader: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it…

Tony: Just rip the bandage off.

Stark!Reader: It's Loki.

Tony: Put the bandage back on.

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*

MJ: Thanks fam!

Harley: Oh no.

Peter: *cries* I love you too.

Ned: Sounds fake, but okay.

Y/N: *A flustered mess*

Shuri: Can I get a refund?