"I THOUGHT OF YOU." // CLOSE, BUT NOT CLOSE ENOUGH

"You held me the whole way through / But I couldn't say the words like you / I was scared, Indigo, but I wanted to / I was scared, Indigo, but I wanted to"

Film still from "Portrait of a Lady of Fire."
Héloïse (left) and Marianne (right) stand on the shore of a beach. Marianne holds Héloïse's face in her hands. Héloïse rests one hand on Marianne's chest and the other on her back. They press their foreheads together as they cry.
Héloïse has long, blonde hair tied into a bun. She wears an emerald green dress.
Marianne had shorter, brunette hair tied into a ponytail. She wears a dusty red dress.

"We make each other alive. Does it matter if it hurts?"

"-I miss you like a knife in my throat."

"I crush her against me. I want to be part of her. Not just inside her but all around her. I want our rib cages to crack open and our hearts to migrate and merge. I want our cells to braid together like living thread."

Film still from "Portrait of a Lady on Fire."
Marianne (left) stands slightly in front of Héloïse (right) in a dark room. Héloïse rests one of her hands on Marianne's chin. Marianne's eyes are closed. Héloïse watches her expression.
The caption reads: "Do all lovers feel like they're inventing something?"

"You're trying not to tell him you love him, and you're trying to choke down the feeling, and you're trembling, but he reaches over and touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you've discovered something you don't even have a name for."

"You'll never recover / from that kind of devotion."

Film still from "Portrait of a Lady on Fire."
Marianne (left) and Héloïse (right) stand side by side. Héloïse reaches back to hold Marianne's hand.

"5. 'Am I in love? - Yes, since I'm waiting.' The other never waits. Sometimes I want to play the part of the one who doesn't wait; I try to busy myself elsewhere, to arrive late; but I always lose at this game: whatever I do, I find myself there, with nothing to do, punctual, even ahead of time. The lover's identity is precisely: I am the one who waits."

"The seeds of love have taken hold, and if we won't burn together, I'll burn alone."

"1 / 'This homosexual dream of perfect metaphysical union is not so much a reflected heterosexual ideal as it is the compensation for having wept in the darkness.' / 2 / You were always born a crime."

Film still from "Portrait of a Lady on Fire."
Héloïse (left) and Marianne (right) lay side by side in a bed. They both lay on their hands as they face each other, smiling.

"I don't wanna talk about anyone / I don't wanna talk about anyone / I wanna sleep in your car while you're driving / Lay in your lap while I'm crying"

"the voice in my head said // LOVE IS THE DISTANCE / BETWEEN YOU AND WHAT YOU LOVE // WHAT YOU LOVE IS YOUR FATE"

Film still from "Portrait of a Lady on Fire."
A painting of Héloïse's hand. She holds a purple book and uses her index finger to pull the cover back just enough to expose the page number 28. She wears a white dress.

"Should I touch / you, I will suffer and you will suffer"

"I THOUGHT OF YOU." // CLOSE, BUT NOT CLOSE ENOUGH

Adrianne Lenker anything // Portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019) dir. Céline Sciamma // Ingmar Bergman from a letter to Liv Ullmann // Sonya Vatomsky Salt Is For Curing // Isaac Marion Warm Bodies // Portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019) dir. Céline Sciamma // Richard Siken Crush // Leah Horlick For Your Own Good // Portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019) dir. Céline Sciamma // Roland Barthes A Lover's Discourse: Fragments // Bret Easton Ellis The Rules of Attraction // Thomas E. Yingling "My Way Home is Through You," Hart Crane and the Homosexual Text: New Thresholds, New Anatomies // Portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019) dir. Céline Sciamma // Adrianne Lenker anything // Frank Bidart "Guilty of Dust," Half-light: Collected Poems 1965-2016 // Portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019) dir. Céline Sciamma // Yrsa Daley-Ward Bone

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