I Am So Fucking Tired Of Men

Linda in the background

Linda : bobby, do you need any help?

Bob trying his best: no linda, I got it!

Gene: Onward!! To the kitchen!!

Bob is trying to be a great dad and give his kids good childhood memories

okay so this guy i’m dating told me to write him a poem bc i did ONE assignment on poetry for my english degree and he thinks i’m a poet.

fast forward weeks later and i finally thought of something that doesn’t start with “roses are red, violets are blue”

anyways i’m posting it here. idk if it’s any good, i trust tumblr not to judge me. yes it is sickeningly cute, i apologise in advance. (there is no title yet)

although we’ve known each other less than a while

everyday you make me smile

and that makes it worth every mile

that’s between us across this silly isle

p.s. idk whether to add any other stanzas or if it’s fine as it is 🥹

they’re the reason that i’m waiting for the right person

the way he’s looking at her guts me

It applies to the situation, that the song is written about where, you know, you're updating a former lover on what your life is like now and trying to be positive about it. But it was also where I am creatively, where it's like, "I'm just saying yes. I'm just putting out an album in the worst time you could put one out. I'm just making stuff with someone who I've always wanted to make stuff with as long as I've been a fan of The National. and I'm just gonna say 'yes' to stuff." and it worked out.

- TAYLOR SWIFT in Folklore, The Long Pond Studio Sessions (2020)

How do you casually tell someone "holy fuck you are literally the hottest person I have ever seen in my life" and like not make it weird??

being electrocuted is a state of mind

At Jimmy Pesto’s Pizzeria, Trev puts up a “Closed Indefinitely “ sign up on the window. He then runs away crying.

Across the street, Linda and Teddy are watching the whole thing from inside the restaurant.

Linda: I can’t believe Jimmy Pesto got arrested. Serves the bastard right for helping organize that raid against the mayor’s office. Who hates the mayor? He’s great. Those bunch of freaks, hating the mayor.

Teddy looks to the kitchen window, hearing Bob whistle as he grills.

Teddy: Eh, I bet you’re happy, Bobby! With there being no more Jimmy Pesto and all.

Linda: Oh, don’t even get this guy started. They arrested Jimmy right across from us last night and I haven’t seen Bob happier since the kids were born.

Bob: Oh, come on, Lynn. I like to think that I had a quiet dignity to it.

Linda: You kidding? You and the kids went friggin nuts.

Flashback to last night. Jimmy is being led to a police car just as Bob sticks his head out of his home window.

Bob: Hey, Jimmy! How’s it feel knowing YOU will be out of business first?!

Jimmy just grunts, not acknowledging Bob.

Bob: What’s wrong?! No ZOOM?! Oh, that’s right! You’re too busy ZOOMING yourself to jail!

Louise pushes Bob out of the way.

Louise: Dad, please. Let a pro handle this.

She sticks her head out the window too.

Louise: Hey, Jimmy! If you’re lucky, you’ll be made the cafeteria cook! Your cooking should taste about the same as prison food!

Bob: Haha! THAT’S my little girl!

He scoops Louise up and kisses her cheek. She pretends to hate it.

Bob: I am so PROUD of you! You’re getting ice cream tonight!

Louise: Yes!

Gene: I want ice cream too!

He comes up to the window too.

Gene: Hey, Jimmy! Just a reminder that you got to poop in your jail cell! So get ready for people to see your Italian sausage!

Bob: Yes! Gene! I mean, DON’T ever say that again, but YEAH! You get ice cream too, pal!

Gene: Yeah!

Tina comes up to the window now.

Tina: Hey, Jimmy Pesto…You’re the worst!

Bob: Ha! He IS the worst!

Louise: And you’re a terrible father!

Gene: And LOVER! I assume!

Bob: Gene.

Tina: The best thing you made was Jimmy Jr!

Louise: And that’s not saying much!

Tina: Wait, what?

Bob: Oh, my god, I love my kids! You ALL get ice cream!

The kids: Yay!

Gene: Italian sausage!

Bob: Gene!

Flash forward back to the restaurant.

Bob: Okay, so I might have lost a bit more of my mind than I thought. But who cares? Lynn, it’s Jimmy Pesto! He’s gone for good! The nightmare’s over and we’ve WON!

Linda: Wha? What did we win?

Bob: We won at LIFE!

Linda: Oh, yeah.

Bob: WE’RE the ones with a successful—Well, GOOD business, a happy marriage, and great kids! Meanwhile, JIMMY is sitting his stupid butt in jail, his business is going to drizzle out of business—

Teddy, trying to match Bob’s energy: And his kids are going to be super traumatized!

Bob: What?

Linda: Oh god.

Teddy: Haha! Like, first their parents got divorced, which is a, uh, a thing that scares kids!

Bob: Teddy.

Teddy: And now their dad’s in jail! Never to see him in a normal environment again!

Linda: Aw…

Bob: Teddy, you just—

Teddy: What?

Bob: You’ve ruined the mood.

Teddy: What? No, I didn’t.

Bob: You did.

Linda: Yeah, you did, Hon.

Teddy: I was following your energy!

Bob: That wasn’t the energy.

Teddy: I was following your energy, Bob!

Bob: Celebrating traumatized kids isn’t the energy, Teddy!

Teddy: Bah!

Bob: YOU bah!

Linda: You DO gotta feel a LITTLE bad for the Pesto kids.

Bob: Well, yes, obviously. Because unlike TEDDY—

Teddy: YOUR energy, Bob.

Bob: I DON’T want kids to be traumatized. It’s not their fault that they’re Jimmy’s kids. But for Jimmy himself? SCREW him! It’s the end of an era! The JIMMY era! Now, it’s the start of the BOB era! And it starts with THIS!

He then runs outside.

Bob: Hey, everybody! In celebration of the greatest thing, EVER, Bob’s Burgers is now fifteen percent off of EVERYTHING!

Random Passerby: What’s Bob’s Burgers?

Bob: It’s—My restaurant. It’s right behind me!

Random Passerby: Oh, the across from Jimmy Pesto’s. Hey, do you know when HIS restaurant will open again?

Bob: Oh, my GOD!

if only we met sooner

if only we had met sooner

i might be really good at golf now

and although you’ve been practicing

you’re still losing at mario kart somehow

if only we had met before

we might have two cats (or four)

we might have been to turkey

and brought home several more

if only we had met earlier

i’d be joining you at the football matches

then we’d go back, have some dinner

then head to bed where i give you back scratches

if only we had met a two years ago

which is when you first saw me

you might be ready

and maybe i would be too

but i guess now we’ll never know

i love them

BRIDGERTON SEASON 3 BTS

WILL AND ALICE MONDRICH

What I'm gathering is that all the Kens love all the Barbies but this one Ken (Ryan's) really loves this one Barbie (Margot's) and I'm wondering if we could get a scene that's like "she's a barbie! there's millions like her!" "maybe, but to me there's only one" toy story style