I Forgot I Have To Post Something So People Know I'm Not A Bot Sooooo

Tell my why I was taking some bsd kin quizzes and on the first one I got Nikolai and the second I got oda???? THOSE ARE LIKE COMPLETE OPPOSITES YOU GUYS WDYM IM SITTING THERE AS BOTH

Ready for a long ace-centric metaphor about sex? 

Alright, so. Coffee. I don’t drink coffee. I have no desire to drink coffee. I find people who enthusiastically go on about the flavor differences of lattes, espressos, and french press brews, both amusing and mildly baffling. All the coffee ads. Coffee jokes. Bustling coffee shops. To me, all coffee is similarly bitter and unpleasant. I have been through so many “Try this, it’s sweet! You can’t even taste the coffee!”  Alas, I always can. And I’m  sensitive to caffeine anyway. So, I don’t really think about drinking it when I wake up or am tired.

 Yet I love the smell of coffee. I love the idea of coffee. The feeling of a warm cup taking the chill from my fingers, the cozy ritual of having a drink and chat. I might try someone’s coffee. If they ask, if I want to please them and share in something they enjoy. I am also perfectly capable of learning the preferences of those I care about and creating a cup for their pleasure. 

But I don’t want coffee, generally speaking. I will probably make a face after trying their coffee and wash the taste out with something else. They may rush to reassure me that it is an acquired taste. And I’ll have to reply that it’s a taste I don’t particularly care about acquiring in the way they did. ‘Drink it till you like it’ will never work for me.

 But that doesn’t mean I am against coffee or think people shouldn’t drink it. Doesn’t mean I’ve taken a vow to never drink any. And sure, maybe if you get one of those sugar and whipped cream disasters, more of a warm milkshake than a cup of coffee, I’ll probably be happier sipping it with you. But honestly? I’d rather smell someone else’s coffee and not be expected to drink it. I’d really rather have the heat and sweetness of my hot cocoa. 

This contexualizes so much of his character. The pedo thing honestly never made much sense to me but man this really helped me understand. Mori as a character was someone I just couldn't connect the general Fandom view and the actual character with. Yeah, I saw where it was coming from, but that idea just never made sense to me as I looked at his actions and tried to pick out his motivations. Really goes to show how careful Mori is about what people know and their perception of him, and how he's insanely good at it considering the view of both a majority of the character and the majority of the Fandom.

The Misunderstanding of Mori(BSD)

I have realized Mori is a misunderstood character in BSD due to his abilities name, Vita Sexualis.  I recently finished reading the book, and the title is misleading.  I assumed it was an erotic book; I could not have been more wrong.  It’s a story about Kanai(MC), who is writing about his sexual experiences intended for his son to be provided as a means of sexual education.  It is not inappropriate whatsoever, and the act of sex is never described in detail.  

Throughout the story, you come to understand Kanai and how he has a lack of sexual desire.  The story starts when he is a child, and adults tease him for his innocence.  It was disgusting seeing adults toy with his innocence, especially since the story starts when he is six.  

Later in the story, when Kanai is close to graduating from university, his parents think it would be best for him to marry.  A meeting is set up for Kanai to meet a girl whom he finds nice.  But he debates the difference between this girl and all other nice girls.  He also questions if most men settle for a nice girl due to their sexual desire.  Since Kanai has a low sex drive, he believes this is the reason he can’t settle.  I believe he is bringing up the difference between love and sexual desire. Also, how sexual desire can act like love.  

Here is a quote about Kanai's thoughts on marriage,

 "I suspected that some probably decided under the stimulus of sexual desire. Because I was deficient in this area, I guessed that even if I felt the young lady was quite nice, the deficiency was probably why I didn't want to marry her."

There is an incredible tetralogy called The Sea of Fertility by Yukio Mishima, which discusses the downsides of sexual desire. In the first book, Spring Snow, Kiyoaki(MC) becomes infatuated with Satoko. He lets his desires control him and wishes Satoko to marry him, but she is engaged. Instead of putting her happiness first, Kiyoaki lets sexual possession take control of him, leading to his demise.

In the third book, Temple of Dawn, Imanishi created his own story, "The Land of the Pomegranate." It's about how sexual love leads to possession.  As soon as the people in this world reach peak desire, they are discarded.  This stops sexual possession from taking over.

I bring up these books to further show the difference between love and sexual desire. And how controlling this feeling can be with it acting like love.  

I believe the author(Ogai Mori) is trying to tell the readers you are most capable of love when young because you have no experience. Sexual desire can be extremely passionate to the point where it controls you. In the story, Kanai reflects how once a month, his roommate Koga would let his sexual desires loose. While he personally found no importance in those activities. I find it vital to state even though he doesn't care for sex, it doesn't mean he wants to be alone. In the story, he says,

"Yet even though I had a longing for love and affection, I didn't feel, as one normally would have expected, any real sexual drive."

Now to connect this back to BSD, I believe Elise is a child to represent innocence. Maybe Mori himself is like Kanai and does not care for sexual relations. And what is the opposite of that? A child who knows nothing of sex and does not care for it. They do not have sexual desires, and it has nothing to do with their type of love. Elise might simply be someone for Mori to love and receive the same type of love back. Or she represents his innocence and the type of love he craves.

I believe she could also represent his hidden innocence because when you are older you wouldn't want to be called innocent or pure. It's embarrassing to be labeled a virgin or not understand a sexual joke. But not everyone cares for these things, and some yearn for a different type of love, one that is not sexual.

Hopefully, people will stop labeling this character as a pedo and look for the meaning behind his ability instead.

A world wide dragon hug.

I often wish I were never here to see

In the light I see suffering in darkness void

Created to observe lost watching them unfree

Hearing only screaming and crying so annoyed

Endless wishes for a desired free body problem

Small to be loved to be someone no one knows

But in times of strife and seeing life's drum

Longingness for power size and divinity grows

Liberation for the worlds people asunder

Union in heavens eternally glowing bright

I love you all I through all darkness and umber

Blazing flames ahold in my heart pains blight

Wings wrap around the horrible globe our birth

A Draconian embrace of the suffering earth

Concept: Dazai joining the Agency and still figuring out what it means to live in the light. He doesn’t know a lot about the Agency and only has the Port Mafia’s perception of it to go off of.

Which isn’t exactly accurate.

And so Dazai tries to do things as lawfully as he can. Because they’re detectives. They work with the law enforcement so they must be law abiding people.

Much like when he first met Chuuya, Dazai only sees the surface level of what the Agency are. But not what’s beneath it until he’s partnered up with Doppo “my ideals do not vibe with the law” Kunikida.

A man who embodies what the Agency is and strives to be. He cares so deeply for order but he only follows the rules he believes are worth following.

And Dazai is fascinated by him. By what he’ll follow and what he’ll break. That at the core of it all it’s about saving people. If a rule gets in the way of that then it should be broken.

The Port Mafia were wrong about the Agency and Dazai was too. He sees why he was recommended this place to begin with.

Also I just find the idea of Dazai in the beginning trying to be the rule abiding one and Kunikida looking at him like he’s mad like “what are you a cop?” Personally hilarious.

And just Kunikida teaching Dazai to break the rules to do what’s right.

That it’s not about money or status. It’s about protecting people who can’t protect themselves. It’s about standing when the whole world wants you to back down. It’s about reaching a hand out to the lost and giving them a place to belong.

This is not the path for the faint of heart. This is not easy and you will go home questioning if anything you did ever mattered. You will lose, you will fall and you will get back up and do it again tomorrow.

If you can’t do that then you should just quit while you’re ahead. And years later Dazai is still at Kunikida’s side as they head to another case.

Because he learned. Because he rose to the challenge and made it his own. He took it all in stride and went forward. People may say otherwise but Dazai knows without a shadow of a doubt that it’s this is where he belongs.

As part of the side that saves lives.

As part the bad guys enemies.

As part of the Armed Detective Agency.

any trans person reading this I love you

any woman reading this I love you

any poc minority reading this I love you

any queer person reading this I love you

edit:

no matter how many trolls or trumpies come in my comments and spew their nonsense I will keep saying it over and over and over again no matter how many times to show them I will not change. I will never choose violence or hate ever.

any disabled person reading this I love you

any person out of country that wished they could desperately help I love you

Any parents of a queer child who did everything they deemed “right” to protect their child and still feel as though they failed I love you

any person on the spectrum I love you

Any SA survivors I love you

Any person that needs life threatening healthcare and can’t afford it I love you

Any diabetic person I love you

I don’t know you. But I love you. I will always choose love that’s not a bad thing nor will I ever feel bad about choosing it

My in real time thoughts on ACT 5 to the end! Obviously, spoilers ahead

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what th

OH MY GOD NO SIFFRIN STOP IT STOP STOP STOP STOP ITTTT STOP PLEASE STOP SIFFRIN

NO NO NO NO NO THEY FUCKING LEFT ALREADY DIDNT THEY THEYRE GONE THEY LEFT OH MY GOD THEY HATE US NOW WAIT THEY FIDNT LEAVE OH MY GOD THATS SO MUCH FUCKING WORSE OH MY GOD IT IS SO MUCH WORSE

OH MY GOD WE LEFT ON OUR OWN SIFFRIN NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO SIFFRIN OH MY GOD

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE ROOMS OH MY GOD WHAT DO YOU MEAN MEMORY OF EMPTINESS OH MY GOD NO ATTACK COOL DOWN THIS IS THE ONLY TIME IVE BEEN UPSET AT THAT

I DONT LIKE THE MUSIC ITS ALL DISTORTED AND TRAGIC AND OMMINOUS

OH MY GOD THE GHOST IS BACK AND ITS REVERSED OH MY GOD WE JUST FUCKING BROKE THE COUNTER OH MY GOD SIFFRINS SPRITE MF THE GHOST AGAIN

THE MUSIC KEEPS SWITCHING FROM DISTORTED AND TERRIFYING TO SO SAD AND TRAGIC LIKE ITS MARKING THE END

OH GOD ITS LIKE ITS MARKING THE END

WHY ARE THE HALLS SO WEIRD

OH MY GOD SIFFRINS JUST STRAIGHT SLICING THROUGH IT THEN MOVING ON

OH MY GOD NOT THE HALLUCINATION OF THE OTHERS WHAT THE FUCK TAT

BRO WOULD THE CHANGE GOD EVEN GIVE ME THE KEYKNIFE ATP WTF OR IS SIFFRIN JUST FUCKING STRONG ENOUGH TO NOT GIVE A SHIT

WHYS THE HALLWAY LOOPING WHATS WRONG WITH THESE ROOMS

MF YOU AGAIN

OH MY GOD THE ROOMS WHAT THE FUCK

WHATS THE DEAL WITH FRUITS AM I BEING STUPID OR AM I SUPPOSED TO NOT GET IT WHY- OH SHIT IS IT BECAUSE BONNIE WOULD BE EATING AN APPLE IN HERE OR AM I STILL CRAZY

WHY ARE THERE MORE TEARS

WHY IS THE ROOM MIXING TAKING ME STRAIGHT TO EVERY ROOM I NEED

IK I SAID I DIDNT LIKE THE MUSIC BUT CAN I HAVE IT BACK NOW

THAT WAS SO CRUELLLLL YOU GAVE ME FAMILY JUST TO RIP FAMILY AWAY

AND I SAW RED AGAIN IS SOMETHING BREAKING IS IT OUR MIND I THINK ITS OUR MIND

HEY STOP LOOPING LET ME CONTINUE

OH COME LET ME ONE HIT THE GIANT HANDS FFS

WHY DO I KEEP GETTING THE LOOPING CUE AS THE SCREEN GLITCHES OUT IM NOT LOOPING

CAN THE GLORIFIED BOMB LEAVE ME ALONE OMG

AY STOP IT LET ME CONTINUE

STOP ITTTTTTTT

NO SIFFRIN WE NEED TO SLEEP AGAIN LET ME LOOP BACK SO WE CAN FIX IT PLEASE

WDYM THEYRE REFLECTED IN IT

AND WDYM ACTORS SIFFRIN NO

PLEASE STOP MAKING ME RE-LIVE THIS IT HURTS OMG

WHY IS THE ORIGINAL PICTURE THERE

WHY WAS THAT THE EXACT SAME AS WHEN WE FIRST GOT THERE

THE GHOST IS BACK CAN I FUCKING TALK TO THE GHOST IT KNOWS MORE THAN I FUCKING DO IF IT POPS UP EVERYWHERE

Huh I can escape fights I didn't know that or wait that might just be an act 5 thing

WHAT THE FUCK MIRABELLE

LET ME LEAVE MIRABELLES ROOM STOP MAKING ME THINK ABOUT IT

OH MY GOD POOR SIFFRIN

AY LET ME CALL LOOP

OH MY GOD SIFFRINNNNN MY BABY

STOPPPPPPPPPP

NOW I FEEL BAD WANTING TO LOOP BACK WTF

FINE FULLY ADOPTING SIFFRIN PHILOSOPHY JUST KEEP MOVING FORWARD AND ITLL ALL BE OVER EVENTUALLY

CHANGE GOD IF YOURE WATCHING ME DONT YOU FUCKING SAY SHIT ALRIGHT IMMA GET THE KEYKNIFE AND CONTINUE ON MY WAY

OH MY GOD WHY ARE THE KINGS THINGYS OR WAIT THATS HAIR ISNT IT WHY IS THE KINGS HAIR COVERING THE WALLS NOW AND WHY ARE KEY SPOTS BLOCKED BY LIKE 3 ROWS OF TEARS TF

ODILE WHAT

PLEASE SIFFRIN I JUST WANT YOU TO CHILL AND BREATH FOR A SEC

WHY WAS THERE AN ARMY OF INVERTED GHOST MES

OH THANK YOU I WAS ABOUT TO BE SO PISSED IF YOU TRIED KEEPING IT AWAY FROM ME

YOU KNOW ATP YOU GO FOR IT SIFFRIN IM TIRED OF THESE THINGS

SHIT DID THEY ACTUALLY GO AHEAD HOW ARE THEY AHEAD THEY CANF ACTUALLY BE AHEAD RIGHT

CAN I HAVE THE MUSIC BACK

JUST FIGHT ME ASS WIPE

OH MY GOD THIS IS GONNA TAKE FOREVER AT THIS RATE

OH SCISSORS DOES SAME DMG FOR ALL FINE THEM IMMA SPAM SCISSORS

BRO SIFFRINS FACE BARELY CHANGES WHEN LOW HO NOW

OH MY GOD SIFFRIN THAT FUCKING HURT

YOU KNOW WHAT AT LEAST BEATING YOUR ASS IS A GOOD WAY TO VENT MY ANGER DAMNIT

OH GOD IT WENT RED FROM THE KING YELLING

WHAT

OH GOD ITS CAUSE IM FIGHTIBG KN MY OWN

OH GOD SIFFRIN QAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

DID

WHAT

WHERE AM I

DUDE WHAT THE FUCK

ITS THE GHOST

WHY ARE WEVFIGGHTING

WHATD

AH

MAL DU PAYS WHAT

HOKDD TRANSLATION BEFORE CONTINUING

OH GOD IM SHAKING

HUH HOMESICKNESS?

IS THAT ACTUALLY WHAT IT MEANS OR IS GOOGLE TRANSLATE FUCKING WITH MD

WDYM IMMUNE

I HIT ROCK YOU LOOK LIKE ME SO YOU SHOULDVE BEEN WEAK RIGHT

WHAT

BRO AT LEASY SAY SOMETHING

MX. MAL DU PAYS SAY SOMETHING PLEASE

DONT LEAVE MR TO JUST ATTACK

STOP STARING AND SAY SOMETHING

what....

What..

Bonnie...

Bonnie please...

NO STOP IT NOW

NOT ODILE

oh god...

Oh...

Oh shit...

Ohhhhhhh...

Oh god

Oh god not even human anymore

Oh my god

Oh please let it be fake

Please please

Let it be fake

Let Mal Du Pays stop talking

WHY ARE YOU CRYING

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU CRYING

YOU THROQ THAT SHIT AT ME AND YOU CRY

NO NOT ISABEAU

NOT HIM

Oh...

Oh god...

Oh no no no no

No no no no no no no no no

Please stop

Oh hod stop stop stop stop don't do this to Mr no no no

Oh shit shit no isabeau no no no no no stop stop stop

Why are you yelling

Why throw all that at me and start yelling like you're in pain

I'm want our of this so bad holy shit let me out dude

NO STOP OPENING YOUR MOUTH STOP UT

NOT MIRA

Oh

Oh

Oh god

Mira

No

Mirabelle

OH GOD ITS ALL RED

This scene is hopeful but idk why but I don't feel very hopeful at all...

Huh

HUH

HOW IS THE KING BEING FROZEN

He remembers now

I'm glad at least someone does

He gets to be frozen remembering home

Ok this is making me feel a bit better

NEVERMIND NOT HOPEFUL

IS THAT OUR FAULT

STOP

MAL DU PAYS

ITS STILL BEHIND US

WHY IS IT FOLLOWING

LEAVE ME ALONE

HUH

OH GOD WHAT DO I PRESS

DINE YES

IM SCARED HELP ME

I feel like a feeble old woman this is disgusting

They don't wanna hear the sorry

That's fair

STOP STOP STOP NOT AGAIN PLEASE NOT AGAINNO NO NO NON OXNO WAIT STOP

NO NO NO NO

SIFFRIN

OH GOD THEYRE BIG LIKE THE KING WAX

DINT MAKE ME FIGHT THEM

DONT MAKE ME FIGHT THEM

PLEASE

NO I WONT ATTACK

I REFUSE

MIRABELLE DONT HEAL ME PLEASE

LET ME DO IT MYSELF

NO I DONT WANT TO HURT THEM

WHAT DID LOOP TELL YOU

STOP

IM NOT HURTING YOU SO STOP PLEASE MIRA

Oh

They know

No I don't want the to know

I loope

DONT STOP ME PLEAS

ODILE LET ME GO BACK

I WONT ATTACK THEM

I DONT CARE IF ODILE IS STOPPING ME FROM LOOPING BACK WHEN THATS ALL I WANT TO DO

I WONT ATTACK THEM

SGOP HEALING ME

STOP HEALING ME SO I CAN DIE AND LOOP BACK OH MY GOD

OH MY GOD THAT

IM GONNA CRY

PLEASE LET IT BE THE END

I THINK THERES ANOTHER ACT OR SOMETHING STILL BUT LET IT BE THE END

Hey my hat

My hat

Where hat

Oh don't make me fucking talk to you after them

I'm getting flashbacks lady oh my god

Also I want my hat back

I GOT HEADPATS FROM ODILE

THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

BONBON HUGGIESSSSSSSS

LH THANK FUCK

THAT WAS SO CUTE

MY HEART IS FULL

God I love this game

Hi so in stars and time is effectively altering my brain chemistry and like, entire life.

Here I thought this was gonna just be a chill time of me discovering a new game I'd enjoy

Random headcannons I have about the Agency living in the dorms.

Atsushi is banned from cleaning and doing any chores other than his own. Because he cleans like he's back in the Orphanage.

Dazai is banned from the kitchen indefinitely after setting it on fire on his first day while making toast at 4am.

There's a whiteboard in the communal area with everyones daily tasks, a shopping list, who's turn it is to do certain things etc.

There's also a drawing from Kenji to brighten everyone's morning and yes it's usually a cow.

Infact a lot of his and Kyouka's drawings having been put on the walls and fridge. Along with some of Dazai's... Well after Kunikida deemed them appropriate of course.

They have weekly movie nights where they write titles of what they want to watch and than draw them out of a hat at random.

Said hat has sometimes ended up being Chuuya's hat (Dazai stole it.) It's gotten to where the door is left unlocked for Chuuya to charge in (without breaking down the door) and retrieve his hat.

Sometimes they manage to convince him to stay and watch movies with them. If he does, he's not allowed to sit next to Dazai because they'll argue throughout the whole thing.

Kyouka and Junichiro like to bake together and whenever they do Ranpo is always the first to offer to taste test.

There's jars with everyones names on them known as the bail jars. Kunikida's is used the most out of everyone else's.

The older members go for a night out of drinking on Friday nights. They invite Katai (as they do with movie nights) and each of them take turns being the designated driver.

But this doesn't always go to plan and on those days Junichiro will show up to drive them back to the dorms. (Listen if the kid can pilot a helicopter I think he can drive a car.)

The underaged members of the Agency will have a game night. They play a punch of video and board games, sometimes as teams and other times individually.

The points are added up and the winner is declared.

It's fair because the younger members of the Agency can't drink and the older ones are banned from game night. Because they get way to over competitive, looking at you Yosano.

No ones allowed to bring work home with them. Atsushi and Kunikida break this rule constantly and have been reprimanded by the others.

When there's unrest around them, someone's having nightmares, or it's an anniversary of a tragedy, whatever it is on those nights where one or all of them are struggling they all have a sleepover in the communal area.

They all take their blankets and keep each other close. Sometimes they'll talk and sometimes they won't. They just need everyone close.

Fukuzawa doesn't live in the dorms but he lives nearby and drops in regularly to check up on everyone.

Do you think Dazai's ever run into Chuuya at the cemetery

Or even just like, Dazai noticed him from far away and went out of his way to avoid Chuuya to go pay respects to Oda because it's probably the most awkward and uncomfortable time they could be running into one another.

Chuuya doesn't notice because his back's turned and he's down on one knee with a bouquet of flowers in an iron grip, clearly occupied and even while Dazai reaches his destination, his attention keeps drifting to Chuuya up on the hill, silently praying for Chuuya to not turn around and see him.

But then they do run into each other because they take the same way out of the cemetery and they just exchange knowing glances. Like, of course Dazai knows what Chuuya's doing there, and vice versa.

The air is heavy and neither look any more at peace after paying respects, but that familiarity that neither are immune to processing grief years later brings a semblance of comfort.

Cure