Can I Show You My Contender For Most Creature Ever?

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So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.

So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy

this is APPARENTLY a HOT FUCKING TAKE but

i would rather someone live out the rest of their life dependent on or addicted to a pain medication that helps with their pain, than suffer in pain that could be helped for the rest of their life just so self-righteous dicks can say "thank god they're not an addict"

anyone else uhh..... anyone else ummmm. anyone else. anyone else, anyone.. anyone, anyone. oh god anyone

keep scuttling on!

On lost love

Vita Sackville-West, Everything Everywhere All at Once, Lee Martens, ?, ?,?, Clementine von Radics

I was trying to express that bloodworms are neat because they independently evolved blood with haemoglobin, like vertebrates. What I said was, "Bloodworms are named that because they have human blood".

haha oh my god, I love this fuckin guy. there he goes…leaving all the bull shit behimd him.