What We Missed (End)

Band-Aids and Painkiller

Based on Anonymous Prompt: Bucky X Reader: so it’s Civil War alright, and Bucky and the Black Panther are fighting (like usual) and the reader is a civilian and she sees Bucky losing to T'Challa so she jumps inbetween them just as T'Challa slices at him and she gets hurt?

A/N: No Civil War spoilers because I haven’t seen it yet.  But guess who’s going to go see it…THIS GIRL!  TONIGHT!!!  I’ll prob post pics later, because I’m dressing up in my USO girl costume that I made for Halloween.  But yeah, no spoilers.  I’m going to try and write/post another one today, but the wi-fi at my school’s hella spotty and sometimes the filters block Tumblr.  But I’m going to my friend’s house after school, so maybe I can post from there…?  Anyway, hope you like this one.  Also, if I never post on here again, it’s because Civil War KILLED ME.

Oh, and tagging the lovely @pleasecallmecaptain and @mattymattymerduck, of course.  Love ya! 

-

You love standing on the roof of your office’s building.  You’re pretty sure you’re the only one who knows about it, because no one’s ever up there.  So whenever things get to be too much, you take a breather by coming up here.

You sigh, staring out over the vast expanse of the city.  Finally, some peace and quiet.

Apparently, someone didn’t get the memo about that.

You suddenly hear distant thuds and grunts coming from across the roof.  You assume the worst and walk cautiously over, ready to avert or shield your eyes if necessary.  Then you hear something metallic, like sharp pieces of metal scraping across a chalkboard.

You round the corner and stop, frozen.  In front of you is a man and…someone in a black, cat-like suit?

Your mind flashes with recognition and you quickly identify the man as Bucky Barnes, the subject of a massive man-hunt that’s taken place over the last few days.  You remember the news reports saying that he’s a dangerous fugitive from justice, a cold-blooded killer, but all you can think about right now is how he looks like he’s getting the shit beaten out of him.

“Hey!” you shout.  Both of them pause momentarily and look up at you.  “I don’t know what you two are doing…well, I mean, I’d guess you were fighting…but could you not?”

You could almost swear you catch a ghost of a smile on Bucky’s face.  No sounds from the cat guy.  

And then, just like that, they’re back to fighting again.  The cat guy clearly has the upper hand, and you start to notice the cuts and bruises that seem to litter Bucky’s face.  

And after that hint of a smile, you can’t help but think that maybe everyone has it wrong.  

Suddenly, your feet are moving you towards the fight and you certainly don’t remember telling them to do that.  Bucky takes a hit and falls to his knees.  He only barely dodges a punch from the other guy, and you don’t want to find out what happens when the next hit doesn’t miss.

And suddenly you’ve thrown yourself between the two of them.  It’s almost like time slows down.  You can hear the blood pounding in your ears, and you can see the cat guy’s arm inching toward you.  It seems like he tries to stop it, but the momentum’s already going.

It’s then that you realize that in addition to his cat-like appearance, the guy has little metal retractable claws.  And as stupid as it is, the only thing you can think before they reach you is, Wow, this guy must really like cats.

The claws slice down through your arm and suddenly everything’s back in real time.  And there is very real pain shooting through your arm.  You stare down at the claw marks in disbelief, still not 100% sure that this is actually happening to you.

The cat guy stops and retracts his claws, immediately grabbing your arm and inspecting it.  He removes his helmet and you recognize him as T’Challa, the king of Wakanda.

“Are you alright?” he asks and you nod.  “I’m-”  He looks past you and starts.  You turn to follow his gaze and realize that Bucky has escaped.  You try not to let your relief show on your face.  

Suddenly, T’Challa grabs your other arm and grips it in a vice-like hold.  You look up at him, shocked.

“Are you an ally of the Winter Soldier’s?” he asks.  

“What?” you ask.  “Who, that guy?  Bucky Barnes?”  You cower under the king’s fierce stare.  “No, I’m not an ally.  I’m just a normal person.”

“Then why did you help him?” he demands.

“I just…I don’t like violence,” you reply, blurting out the first thing that comes to mind.  T’Challa just shakes his head, dropping your arm.

“Do not get involved again,” he says.  “Or we will be forced to bring you in.  And I am sorry about your arm.”

“Wait, who’s we?” you ask, but he’s already gone.  You look down at your bleeding arm and suddenly feel nauseous.  You’ve lost a fair amount of blood.

Slowly, you stumble down the stairs and get someone to call you an ambulance.

-

It’s almost midnight when you finally get home.  

At first, you’d thought you’d just be able to go in, get stitched up, and leave.

But then various agents from different government organizations had shown up.  

And then a guy that you were pretty sure was the Falcon, wearing a baseball hat and sunglasses. 

And then the reporters.

Armed with bandages and painkiller, you throw the door to your apartment open.  You deposit everything on the floor and throw yourself down onto the couch.

Your eyes flutter closed and you know that you’re on the brink of sleep.  That is, until you hear a crash in your kitchen.  You drag yourself up from the couch, grabbing the nearest weapon you can find; in this case, a lamp.

You creep to the kitchen, half stealthy, half disgruntled.  Nothing prepares you for what you find.

On the floor of your kitchen is Bucky Barnes, the man from earlier.  You can see a dark brown stain through his red shirt.  Your heart drops when you realize it’s blood.  

“Hi, my name’s (Y/N),” you say and he looks up, his breathing labored and shallow.  “Welcome to my home.”

“Um…” he murmurs.  “I didn’t mean to barge in.  It’s just…you helped me earlier.  And I have nowhere to go.”

“You weren’t like, followed here, or anything right?” you ask, grabbing the first aid kit from one of your cabinets.  “I’m not gonna have to fight the cat dude?  Cuz we both know how that went for me last time.”  

Bucky emits a noise that you could almost describe as a laugh, but it quickly turns into a cough.  And then he coughs up blood onto your tiles.

“Okedoke,” you say.  “Well, I’m not a doctor, but that looks bad.  And I’m assuming that despite the fact that I’m not a doctor, you want me to do my best to clean you up.”

He doesn’t say anything, but you can see his eyes pleading for help.  You go back to the living room and get the bottle of painkillers that the doctors gave you.

-

Two hours later, you’ve mostly got everything handled with Bucky.  He walked you through stitching him up, and you almost puked twice.  But you didn’t.  

After that, you insisted on putting a band-aid on every cut you can find.  Bucky argues against it, at first, but eventually realizes it’s no use.  

But of course, you don’t have normal band-aids, so you’ve just covered the former Winter Soldier in Frozen and Disney Princess band-aids.

“You good?” you ask, as you help him down onto your couch.  “Not bleeding from anywhere else?”

“Not that I’m aware of,” Bucky says.  “This is some damn good painkiller though.”  You toss him the rest of the bottle. 

“Take it,” you say.  “I have a feeling that you’re going to need it more than I do.”  

“Does that hurt?” he asks, gesturing to your arm.  You look down at it and chuckle.

“After all the wounds I just sewed up for you, I don’t think I have the right to complain about my scratches,” you say, cleaning up the bloody towels.

“No, I don’t-” 

“They’re fine,” you reassure him.  “I’m on the same painkiller as you, remember?”

“You’re remarkably calm about this,” he comments as you continue to clean up the room.

“I’m sure I’ll freak out sometime,” you say.  “Just haven’t had the time to process everything.”  Bucky nods.

“Thank you,” he says quietly.  “For earlier.  And now.  I think you saved my life twice.”

“Yeah, well maybe when all this is over, you can take me out to dinner as a thank-you,” you quip drily.  Internally, you panic.  Where the hell did that come from?  

“You know, I think that’s the first time someone’s flirted with me in 70 years,” he replies, and you’re surprised by the teasing tone in his voice.  And even more disarmed by the gorgeous smile on his lips.

“I was not flirting,” you say defensively, avoiding his eyes.

“I mean, I know I’m from 1940s and all,” he smirks.  "But I don’t think the world is so changed that a girl asking a guy to dinner isn’t flirting.”

“Ok, that’s enough of that,” you say, picking up a blanket and tossing it at him.

“Hey!”  You walk over and pick up the blanket, spreading it over him.  He looks up at you, confused.  “What are you doing?”

“Well, I’m going to go to sleep,” you say.  “And as much as I like you, I’m not inviting some strange guy to share my bed.”

“Oh, I was just going to-”  He starts to get up, but you gently nudge him back down.

“Don’t even finish that sentence,” you say.  “There’s no way in hell you’re sleeping on the street.”  He tries to protest, but you cut him off with a look.

“Yes ma’am,” he mutters.  You nod and stand up.  You reach past him to turn off the light, and without even thinking, plant a kiss on his forehead.  

Your brain goes back into panic mode.  You see him visibly stiffen and mentally face-palm.

“I’m sorry,” you say.  “Stupid…force of habit.”

“No,” Bucky says quickly.  “That’s not…I wasn’t…That’s just…uh…”

“It’s fine,” you say.  “You don’t have to-”

“That was the first time anyone’s touched me…and not hurt me…since…” he trails off, gesturing to his metal arm.

You shake your head as you realize what that means.  You don’t know his whole history, but you can’t help but want to hug him and ki-

You cut your thoughts off before they have a chance to go any further.

“Well, the night’s still young,” you say, unable to resist joking.  “I might be a crazy serial killer.  There’s time for that.”  Bucky laughs and you get a warm feeling in your chest.

“Good night, Bucky,” you say.  

“Good night, (Y/N).”

-

When you wake up, you know he’s gone before you even walk out the door of your bedroom.

The couch pillows have been fluffed, the blanket neatly folded.  There’s no trace that Bucky Barnes was ever in your apartment.  Except…

You walk into your kitchen and are met with a bouquet of sunflowers, already in a vase.  You reach into the flowers and pull out the small slip of paper.  On it, in a feverish scrawl:

Don’t forget about our dinner date.  I’ll be back. 

And in spite of everything, you can’t help but smile.

Freaks

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x reader

Summary: Your abilities as a half Frost Giant terrify you, but you soon find out you’re not the only freak on Asgard.

A/N: I’ll hopefully get a couple more fics posted today, one will possibly be a second part to I Think We’re Gonna Like It Here. Also, thank you to @slutamores for requesting this, hope you like it :)

(Not my gif)

You stared down at your shaking hands, trying to stop the tears splashing into your open palms. You were a freak, a monster. Those were the only thoughts going through your distraught mind as you glared at your icy blue skin, willing it to fade back to its usual colour. Curiously, you reached out and touched a flower growing nearby. You gasped in horror as it froze and wilted before your eyes. This garden had always been a safe haven for you; when you couldn’t control your powers, you could hide away from the rest of Asgard until you were in control again. Your mother had never seen fit to tell you that you were half Frost Giant, apparently “it didn’t change who you were”. You snorted in disbelief as you recalled her words; in your opinion, if it turned your skin blue and your eyes fiery red, it definitely changed who you were. You froze in fear as you heard the gate to the garden creak open. You prayed that it was just the wind, but there was no wind. You made to pull the sleeves of your dress over your hands to hide your frosty blue complexion, but you were relieved to see that it had faded away. “(Y/N)?” came a familiar voice from round the corner. Taking a deep breath to steady yourself, you got to your feet and walked slowly to where you’d heard the voice calling from. “Loki,” you greeted your friend. “I didn’t know you were coming here.” The raven haired prince’s thin lips formed a frown as he studied your face. “I saw you running from the great hall. I was worried about you.” You twisted your fingers together nervously. “As you can see, I’m fine.” He chuckled quietly. “(Y/N), you can’t lie to me. You can’t beat me at my own game.” He reached out slowly and took your hand in his. You watched in horror, expecting your touch to hurt and freeze his pale skin. He tilted his head to the side curiously. “(Y/N), please tell me what troubles you,” he whispered. “I hate seeing you upset.” At his words, your mask crumbled. Tears welled in your eyes, and you snatched your hand from his grasp. “I’m a freak, a monster,” you whispered. “Look.” You held your palm up to face him, and concentrated with all your power to change your skin. You felt the familiar icy burn as your skin became rough and cold, your eyes stinging with tears as they turned blood red. You couldn’t bear to look at his face and see the fear, the disgust, in his eyes. Your eyes snapped up to lock on your hand as Loki placed his palm flat against yours. Your mouth hung half open in disbelief as you took in the blue swirls and ridges adorning his previously deathly pale skin. Slowly, your eyes moved up to look into his eyes. His ruby red eyes. “You’re not the only freak around here,” he said quietly. You watched, unable to from words, as he linked his fingers with yours carefully, still holding them up for you to see. “See? We’re the same.” You frowned slightly. “But if you’re a Frost Giant, that must mean-,” “I am not a son of Odin,” he finished, smiling sadly. “Unfortunate, isn’t it?” “How do you hide it?” you asked shyly. “I can’t control it, it feels like it controls me.” Pity flickered across his face, and you watched as his skin faded back to ivory. His clear blue eyes never left yours, which were still a glassy red. You felt hot tears welling in them; you didn’t feel so confident when it was just you looking like a monster. “It takes time,” he told you, squeezing your icy hand in his. You expected him to flinch, but his expression didn’t change. “I will help you as best I can.” You nodded, letting out a breath you didn’t realise you’d been holding. “I thought you would hate me,” you half-laughed. You couldn’t help it; you’d spent weeks terrified that he would turn his back on you. “I could never hate you,” Loki said gently. “How could I hate you, when you’ve made me realise I’m not alone?” As he said that, you felt your skin warming, and you nearly cried out in relief as it faded back to its normal tone. You were suddenly aware of the fact that Loki was still holding your hand, and you felt your cheeks burning red. It was just one extreme to the other with you today. “Next time this happens, call for me and I will help you,” he told you as you both moved to sit on a nearby marble bench. You smiled gratefully, running your thumb across his knuckles gently. “Thank you, Loki. For everything,” you said quietly. He lifted his free hand to cup your cheek carefully, turning your face gently to look into his eyes. “You are so beautiful. You are not, and never will be, a freak to me,” he whispered. You chuckled quietly. “Try saying that when my eyes look like blood, and my skin turns to ice.” Loki shook his head. “Your eyes are not blood to me, they are rubies. And do not forget that my skin is just as icy as yours, and you still find no fault in it.” You smiled softly. “I could never find fault in you.” He leaned in slowly, pressing his lips ever so gently to yours. You barely moved your lips against his, letting him lead. As quickly as it had begun, it was over. “You are no freak to me,” Loki whispered again, resting his forehead against yours.

As I lay dying Avengers x reader (slight bucky x reader)

Okay, I’m really sorry you guys, this one is sad… So be prepared for feels. But after this I promise it’ll be back to happy, cuteness okay? @arfrona Warning: Reader death, sickness and cancer. Prologue: You were always the one person with the happy, carefree look at life, brightening any atmosphere with a smile and laughter. With Tony Stark as your older brother, you used your upbeat personality against his snarkiness and jokes, let’s not mention the sarcasm. Besides his hard to get along with others personality, you got along with your brother, for the most part, He knew enough to stay away when you were angry, it might result in a WW3, and he was touchy about his stuff. After the Avengers had come to live with them in the tower, You’d befriended all of them, you were easy to talk to and always cheered them when they had a bad day. It didn’t take long and they were treating you like their own sister. You were happy and carefree, never dreaming of trouble and heartache on the horizon. About 4 months after Loki’s attack on New York, You started feeling ill, and exhausted all the time. On a whim, you went to the doctor, and after many medical procedures, They told you had stage 2 lung cancer, and it was spreading. They set up appointments right there to start chemotherapy. You’d left in shock and tears, wondering how to tell everyone. In the end, you didn’t have to, five days after you been told you had cancer, you’d been retrieving something from the kitchen and had gone into a coughing and wheezing fit, and in a state of panic, your world began to spin and you weren’t prepared for the bout of dizziness, falling to the floor, still coughing and wheezing, spitting up blood from your harsh coughs. Tony immediately took you down to one of the Shield doctors on hand, where they told you what you already knew. Tony had been devastated, hugging you and trying not to cry, it was one of the few times you’d seen him so emotional and caring. He called the rest of the Avengers into the medical bay where you were resting and told them the news, and then there was more crying and hugging, and after that, your whole world changed. 3 years later… You’d been through hell and back, staying strong through all the chemotherapy, which made you even more sick and your beautiful hair fall out. You didn’t like wigs, they were itchy and made you depressed about your missing hair, so you wore a bandana instead. Through all of it the Avengers had been there with you, taking to to chemotherapy sessions, taking care of you when you were sick, making sure you could breathe, there’d been several scares where you couldn’t breathe or stopped breathing. Because of this, a tank of oxygen and a breathing tube became your best friends. After 2 years, you went into remission from it, and though you still had the oxygen tank and breathing tube, along with some of the original symptoms, you didn’t have to take chemotherapy, much to your relief. You stayed at Avengers Tower and your hair grew back, now a short, sort of pixie style, until it grew out fully. Now, after the big fight with Ultron, everyone was at the new Avenger base, in Upstate New York. You stayed there during the week and stayed at Avengers Tower on the weekends with Tony, who still fussed over you like a mother hen. Life was good, and you intended to enjoy it. Your P.O.V. It’d been a long day for you, helping Natasha out with the new recruits, you couldn’t fight, but something was better than sitting around being useless all day, and you did simple exercises and physical therapy. You’d lost a lot of weight and been so sick and you wanted to try and get back into shape. You felt tired and your coughs were stronger than usual, you figured they were just from exercising so much so you brushed it off and went to bed. About the middle of the night, your breathing became heavier and your coughs got worse. You curled up in your bed, pushing away the sheets as you try to breathe, You take deep breathes trying to alert Friday, whom Tony had installed at the base, to get help. “Friday… *gasp* g-get… help” You say, coughing as you taste blood. You close your eyes, “please, oh please don’t let this be a relapse” you think as you hear your door being opened and footsteps running towards you. “(Y/n)…” Steve said immediately picking you up and rushing you down the hall, down to the Shield medical ward. Natasha and the others met up with you and followed you there. As You began to drift in and out of consciousness, you could hear Steve shouting at the doctors and nurses and you left warm arms and were set on a gurney, there was more shouting and commotion, You breathes got heavier and the world around you was spinning and muffled, you couldn’t understand what was going on. An oxygen mask was placed over your face, somewhere far away someone called your name and then the world went black. When you woke up, Natasha was sitting next to you, and as you tried to sit up, She pushed you gently back onto the hospital bed. “Whoa there, take it easy” Natasha said “Nat… What happened? Did I relapse?” You ask, your voice hoarse from not being used. Natasha sighed and didn’t say anything, brushing a piece of hair out of your face. “I’m sorry (Y/n), the doctors…” She was interrupted by the sound of your brother’s voice. “Where is she? Where’s (Y/n)?” His panicked voice floated down the hall, and the door opened and Tony was at your side in an instant. “(Y/n), I’m so sorry I wasn’t here, I got here as soon as I heard” Tony said fussing over you. “Tony, stop…” You say pulling his hand away as you cough harshly.  “(Y/n)? What’s the matter?” He asked looking between you and Natasha “Did I miss something?” He asks as a doctor enters the room carrying a clipboard. “Mr.Stark, I would sit down” She said, he gave her an odd look but did so. “(Y/n), I regret to inform you, but your cancer has returned, and it’s stronger and spreading  faster, it’s at stage 3” She said and then you broke down into tears, it hurt to hear it. Tony was holding you hand and choking back tears, it was happening all over again, only worse this time. You sat there and cried for a while before Nat left to tell the others. Tony turned to you, “(Y/n), you’re going to get through this, everything’s going to be okay” Tony said and you nod, but deep inside you knew you wouldn’t. After you were released from Shield medical bay, you were kept close tabs on by Friday, as well as the other Avengers when Tony wasn’t around and had to stay on the communal or your own floors to minimize your stress level, You could go outside or into the city but someone had to go with you. The week after you found out, you began chemotherapy again, shaving your head not long after your first treatment, donning a bandana to cover your bare head. The dose was stronger this time and it made you even more sick. You slept a lot and didn’t do much, even just walking up or down the stairs was exhausting. On top of that, you were constantly coughing and wheezing, along with a fever, more weight loss, and a constant chest pain that left you feeling worse for wear. About two months in, Sam and Steve found Bucky Barnes, Steve’s long lost best friend. He’d been brought to the base and put in rehabilitation and therapy, He had frequent nightmares and You woken up every so often by his screams. Tony had warned You to stay away, he didn’t want you to get hurt by Bucky, and had a talking to with Steve about him keeping Bucky away from you. One day, after you’d returned from a chemotherapy session, You’d thrown up several times and were laid out on the couch in the living room, a bucket and a glass of water beside you, along with your oxygen tank and Your body was covered in a thick, warm blanket. You were alone for the rest of the day, everyone was called out for a mission, but Maria, Jane, Darcy and if all else failed, Nick Fury himself were on call if you needed it. You lay there resting until you heard someone come in. Confused, you opened your eyes to find Bucky standing there, looking at you. You look up at him and decide to ignore your brother’s warnings, He looked tired and worn out. Not at all like an assassin. “Hi” You say waving your fingers at him, your hand felt too heavy to lift. “Hey…” He mumbled in reply and looked like he was about to leave when a wave of nausea hit you and you quickly grabbed the bucket next to you and hurled what was left in your stomach, which wasn’t much, and sat there dry heaving in front of Bucky. When it was finally over, You shakily stood up, pushing your sweaty hair out your face. You surprised to be gently pushed back and looked up to find Bucky kneeling next to you. “Let me” He said taking the bucket from your shaking hands and was gone before you could protest. He returned not long after with a clean bucket and two wet washrags. He wiped your face with one and placing the other on your feverish forehead, you supposed his instincts from taking care of Steve were kicking in. “Thank you” you whisper, grasping the glass of water and taking small sips as he nods. “I was going to watch a movie, would you like to join me?” You ask and he nods again. You pat the space next to you in the couch, and he sits, still tense and wary, though tiredness shown in his eyes. You decide on Tarzan and settle into the couch, your eyes glancing over to Bucky every so often. He was watching the movie with great interest and almost intensity like he can’t look away and he needs to remember every single bit of it. After the movie is over, You decide to try something. You sit up with some difficulty and scoot over to Bucky who was tapping his foot to the end credits music. You take his metal hand and he looks up, almost startled, but you continue, keeping eye contact with him as You slowly open his fist with your fingers and spread your hands together, palms flat, like Tarzan and Jane did in the movie. Bucky looks from you and your connected hands and gives the faintest of smiles. After that moment, every time everyone was gone whether on a mission or something else, You and Bucky would watch Disney movies together, swearing Friday to secrecy. About a month after this had been happening, all the Avengers were out on another mission and you’d been feeling especially sick, You and Bucky decided to watch The Fox and the Hound snuggled up on the couch. Since the first movie, you’d developed a special, delicate bond, using the Jane and Tarzan hands as greeting and farewell. Currently, You sat snuggled up on the couch, Your head on his shoulder, legs draped over his lap. You were exhausted and felt especially sick, and a movie with Bucky always helped. You laughed and smiled at the cute movie, watching sadly as the Widow Tweed said goodbye to Tod and the two friends were torn apart. Bucky seemed to be especially emotional, watching with sad eyes and remorse as they promise to be friends forever, no matter what and when Copper defends Tod from his owner Slade. You hugged him, understanding that it was hard for him, with Steve and his mixed up memories. After the movie ended, You fell asleep together on the couch, too tired to remember to keep it a secret. You woke up to the sound of Tony’s angry voice and Steve’s calm and reassuring one, Bucky’s arms pulled your body close to him and you snuggle into him, breathing in his scent. Opening your eyes, You found Tony and Steve in front of you, Tony looked angry and Steve looked confused and trying to keep the peace. “(Y/n), what are you doing? I thought I told you to stay away from him!” Tony said obviously angered that you’d disobeyed. “Tony, leave her alone, Bucky hasn’t done anything wrong” Steve tried to reason. They started to argue. You looked up at Bucky, who was still holding you close, a look of fear and protectiveness on his face. You give him a small reassuring smile, tucking back a piece of hair that fell out of his ponytail before turning to your brother and Steve. “Stop it, both of you, this was my choice, it makes me feel a little better, especially when I feel sick, in the past month-” “Month?!” Tony practically shrieked “Shush, let me finish, in the past month, Bucky has taken care of me when I was sick when everyone was gone, he watched movies with me and cheered me up. No harm has come to me, in fact, I think watching Disney movies calms him down. He needs a break too, he barely gets any sleep from his nightmares. When he’s with me, he usually falls asleep after and not once has he had a nightmare” You explain, taking a deep breath, talking a lot winded you. “But why are you in his lap? And why him?” Tony asked still obviously ticked off. “Because, I need and want comfort Tony, I’m sick if you haven’t noticed, I want comfort after I’ve been puking and running a fever, You wouldn’t know, You’re never around anymore! I’m with Bucky because he’s the only one around that seems to understand my pain and that I’m sick and need to be cared for. I don’t see you around when I’m throwing up after chemotherapy, which, by the way, is worse than the first time” You say taking a deep breath after your rant, obviously still winded and stressed. “(Y/n), I’m Iron Man, and Tony Stark, I can’t spend all my time with you, I’m busy” He replied trying to make a point, but You just shake your head at him, turning away. “Tony, you need to spend more time with your sister, she needs you” Steve said “Oh, like you know anything” Tony retorted and they started bickering again. You lay your head tiredly on Bucky’s shoulder, it was no use, your brother would never understand. Bucky stroked your cheek with his hand, and you looked up at him, flashing a small smile, he was still here for you at least. As you listen to the two argue, you feel a tightening in your chest, and it becomes harder for you to breath. You grip Bucky’s shirt, as your vision swims from dizziness. “Bucky, something’s wrong” You whisper and a look of worry, almost fear, crosses his features and He stands up abruptly, starting into a run as Your breaths become more labored. You can hear Tony and Steve behind you, yelling, footsteps pounding in your ears. Your world fades in and out as Bucky enters the medical bay, shouting for help, and You’re laid out on a gurney. In your dizziness, You reach for Bucky’s metal hand, spreading your hands flat, against each other before You’re taken away and your world fades to black again. This time when you woke up, You were hooked up to a lot of machines, needles poked into your body. You had oxygen tubes still, and you felt too weak to even push yourself up from the bed. Everything hurt, you’d never felt more sick in your life. The door opened and your doctor entered, slowly approaching you. “(Y/n), I’m regret to tell you this, but You’re at stage four, it’s spread at such an alarming pace, faster than we anticipated. There’s too much cancer, and no amount of radiation or chemotherapy will help. You have very little time left, the best we can do is make you comfortable as possible” She told you and You nodded slowly, too numb to react. She left and Tony entered not soon after, carrying flowers. “(Y/n)… I’m sorry… for everything” Tony said setting down the flowers and hugging you close. “It’s okay Tony… It’s not your fault” You say coughing as He lets go. He pulls up a chair next to you, taking your hand a sad look on his face. “Hey, it’ll be okay” You say quietly giving him a small smile, and He smiled back. You spent the rest of the day with Tony, talking and remembering, keeping your minds off of what was close at hand.   Over the next couple days, everyone came in and visited, all the Avengers, Maria and Fury, Pepper and Happy, everyone, except Bucky. Tony wouldn’t let him in, and when you heard you made a big fuss. “Tony, let him in, I don’t care if you don’t like him, I do, he’s my friend, now let him in or so help me I will pull out all my needles and walk out there and see him” You threaten as much as a deathly sick cancer patient could muster. “But (Y/n)…” Tony protested “Let. Him. In.” You say as you attempt to push yourself off the bed. “Okay, okay, I’ll go get him” Tony said with a huff of annoyance. You smile, You’d won the battle. Bucky entered soon after, he looked exhausted and there were dark bags under his eyes. He looked nervous and stood at the edge of your bed, avoiding eye contact, You supposed he was wary, You looked and felt more sick than ever. “Tony, can you leave us alone?” You ask and He looks like he’s about to protest but you stop him, “Please Tony?” “Fine, but no funny business” He said before leaving. You ignore him and turn to Bucky. “C’mere” You say and He walks over to you sitting down in the chair next to your bed. You take your hand and press it against his metal one, spreading them until they were flat against one another. “You’re going to die?” He asked and You nod, clasping your fingers with his. “I don’t want to leave you, but I have to go, it’s a part of life” You say and He nods. “I won’t be sick anymore, and I’ve been sick for awhile” You said looking up at the ceiling with a sigh. “I wish you could get better” Bucky said sadly, and you take his hand and kiss it gently. “Promise me, when I’m gone, You’ll keep watching movies, have Steve watch them with you… I’m sure he’d like that, I know it won’t be the same, but you’re not alone” You tell him, brushing a piece of hair out of his face. “Okay, I will, I promise” He said “Good, now, do you want to watch Tarzan with me one last time?” You ask and he nods eagerly. So you spend your last day together watching Tarzan and relaxing, Bucky looked like he hadn’t slept in days.  As the movie ends, You’re both drowsy, so Bucky flattens his hand on yours, metal against skin, spreading your hands in goodbye before kissing your cheek gently and leaving the room. As you drift off to sleep, you’re surrounded by darkness, then a light appears and You’re pulled into it, and then the pain and sickness is gone. Epilogue: You died that night, in your sleep after a long, painful battle with cancer. You’d fought the good fight and now you were no longer in pain or suffering. Your funeral was held on a beautiful spring day, not a cloud in the sky. You were buried next to Your deceased parents, with an overwhelming amount of flowers on your grave. There wasn’t a dry eye during the service or at the cemetery. True to his promise, Bucky began watching movies with Steve, or anyone who was willing. Tony had a memorial wall built in your honor with pictures and videos. The Avengers as a whole started a Cancer foundation to help families who couldn’t afford to pay for chemotherapy and hospital expenses. Their lives went on without you, but they carried you in their hearts, memories of all the good and bad times together, you’d always be there with them. You were physically gone, but you lived on the hearts of those who love you.                              In loving memory of Carol G.

Captain’s Mischiefs

Request: Bucky is having a hard time and the reader suggests he gets a service dog, which they name ‘Captain.’ 

Word Count: 1, 678

Contains: Endless fluff.

A/N: Loved writing this! Hope you all enjoy!

Three days. It had been three days since Bucky had emerged from his room. He didn’t even come out for food. No matter how much you bribed him with promises of pizza and hamburgers, he remained entrenched in his bedroom. He vehemently refused to speak to anyone, even you.

You tried to ignore how much this hurt you. You had thought that Bucky had trusted you enough to let you in his life, to let you see the parts of him that not even Steve had seen. But you were wrong. Once Bucky let his emotions and traumas take over, you would lose him for days on an end. If it was hard for you to see him like this, you couldn’t even begin imagining what Bucky was going through.

Steve sat next to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulders comfortingly. “He’ll come around, Y/N.”

Keep reading

Cold Feet (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

fluff. fluff. fluff

loosely based off an episode of how i met your mother bc i’ve binge watched it and its aMAZING 

this has female pronouns bc that’s how it worked out but pls bear in mind that most my work is gender neutral  

-Jazz

Prompt /song; none

Request; my own idea for once lol

Other characters featured; none 

KEY

Y/N - Your name

Y/L/N - Your Last Name

Warnings; language 

Word count; 847

felix is also a totally fictional guy that I just came up with 

–

(this gif actually kills me.)

You stood in front of the mirror, staring at your reflection. Your white dress seemed to be the most eye catching thing on you right now. Your hair was done beautifully, your eye makeup made you feel like a model and the huge diamond on your ring finger was almost show stopping.

You wanted to get married. You wanted to find someone to spend your life with and have that special connection that seems almost extinct. 

But like all weddings, there was one minor detail the bride didn’t like. Usually it was the colour of the details on the cake, or the font of the name cards on the tables. 

It was only the groom that you didn’t like. Nothing horribly major, right? 

‘Shit.’ You murmured. ‘Shitty, shittity shit!’

‘Y/N?’ Your best friend called from outside the bathroom. ‘Are you getting cold feet?’ 

‘Nope! I’m good. It’s perfect!’ You over-enthusiastically replied.

You would have been over the moon to have a wedding like this.

If you were marrying Bucky..

You’d broken up with him nine months previous. But, due to your work and who you hung out with, you saw him most days and had become really good friends, despite the fact you’d dated for a year and a half.

You’d still been crazily in love with him when Felix asked you out. And when he asked you to be his girlfriend. And finally, when he proposed. And when he asked you to move to London with him. But you were as stubborn as they came, and didn’t think of leaving London and leaving Felix for Bucky until - Well, until he’d confessed his love for you.

At six this morning, after he’d flown from Brooklyn, may I add.

Let’s rewind.

You’d gone for a walk to clear your head - You knew wedding jitters were normal, but these weren’t jitters. These were urges to pack your bags and fly the fuck back to New York. Back home, to where your best friends were.

Instead, you were in Chelsea, London. A place where the subway was called the ‘tubes’, a place where it rained far too much and a place where Bucky wasn’t. 

You clenched your fists and marched down the street, under the dim brightness of the fading out street lights, as the rain slashed again your hair, sending chills down your shaking body.

‘Y/N!’ A familiar voice yelled.

You were imagining it. It wasn’t him.

‘Y/N!’ 

You hadn’t slept very well. It was your imagination, you told yourself.

However, when a cold, metal hand grabbed yours and pulled you back, you gasped.

‘Bucky?’ You spluttered, staring at the guy in front of you. His brown hair was disheveled from running, he looked exhausted. He’d come all the way from Brooklyn. ‘What are you doing-’

‘I love you, Y/N. I can’t let you marry him. You just have to come home-’

You stared at him in disbelief. He’d got on a plane, at 1am in New York time, to fly to London, and tell you he loved you. But the wedding was planned, Felix would be waiting and everyone was expecting you to be at the aisle in three hours.

‘Buck.’ You murmured. ‘I can’t. This has been planned. I can’t leave. I’m sorry. I love Felix.’

You didn’t want him to look so heart broken. You had to resist the urge to kiss him, and tell him you would get on the next flight home. To arrive in Brooklyn and hug your friends, and to just spend time with Bucky. Because you loved him. So why didn’t you say so?

‘I get it.’ Bucky murmured. ‘It was a long shot. But, at least I have an answer, right? It’s better than not coming and living the rest of my life not knowing what you would have said-’

‘Please don’t speak like that.’ You muttered, your voice breaking. ‘I have to get back to get my hair done. The wedding is at nine am, and I’m kind of shitting myself.’ You tried to laugh.

‘Good luck, Y/N. Felix is a lucky guy.’

–

As it turns out, you will get some strange looks whilst walking through London Gatwick Airport in a huge wedding dress. And by some, I mean literally every person.

You didn’t remember much from the past hour. You had a brief memory of running, getting in a cab. The cab driver gave you a strange look, but you got to the airport with Felix’s stolen credit card. But you clearly remembered leaving your ring and a note behind.

‘Felix,

I can’t marry you. It wouldn’t be fair on you, or me. I can’t apologize, because I can’t be sorry for falling in love with someone  else when it’s not within my control. 

Good luck, 

Y/N.’

And now, you were dragging yourself through the airport, towards the flight desk. The the elderly hostess gave you an odd look, but then a sympathetic smile. ‘Can I help you, dear?’

‘Hi, yes. I’d like a standard ticket for the next flight that leaves for Brooklyn, please.’

–

part two?

‘

Of Oblivious Minds (4)

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Summary: You're positive Azriel is in love with Elain. It seems so obvious. But Cassian is laughing at you and suddenly nothing makes quite so much sense anymore.

Word count: 3k

Warnings: Angst

a/n: Thank you for reading and sorry for the wait!! I hope you enjoy :) Let me know what you think ❤️

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

~~

You were leaving today, and suddenly—with your bags at your feet and the air around you filled with stagnant silence—a few days seemed so juvenile. So… inconsequential in the grand scheme. 

You would leave, and when you returned everything would be the same. Azriel would still love another and you would still be left with the bleak realization that you had spent the last few centuries denying a love that you knew to be fruitless. 

Nothing would change if you were to be gone only a few measly days. 

But if you were to be gone a month? A year, even? 

Much of your work for Rhysand could be done from afar, especially with the library in Day Court. Helion wouldn’t mind; he’d asked you to consider an extended stay in the past. And maybe there could even be something there, something to take your mind off of your true home. 

The home that wasn’t Velaris. 

You saw him every time you closed your eyes. His rare smiles, his even rarer laughs; you saw the way his watchful eyes skated across every room you entered and reminisced on each twitch of his hands—the way you could feel it against your fingers when you grabbed for him in the busy streets of Velaris. 

Azriel was inescapable, even when you battled against your vision and attempted to drift to sleep. 

He was everywhere, everything. 

But he wouldn’t be in Day Court, and although that wouldn't stop your thoughts, it would be something. It would be distance. 

With a flick of your wrist, you sent your bags away to Day Court and heaved in an uncomfortably large breath. You knew he would do little to deny you, but you still needed to ask Rhys. He was your High Lord and employer, above all your friend, and you knew it would take a little persuading. 

Maybe tears. Yes, tears were very moving and equally as conjurable at the moment.

It only took one step before the knock on your door left you still. Your shoes made a dent in the carpet and you could hear him breathing on the other side of the ornately carved wood. You could always tell when it was Azriel. 

You shifted your weight from one knee to the next, gripping your skirts at the thigh. Azriel knocked again, this time in a faster pattern—more rushed. 

You bit into your lip. You hadn’t planned to see him again, not before you left. You would deal with the repercussions of such an act later on, but not now. Not when you had finally gotten your emotions under control for long enough to have a conversation with Rhys. 

It made sense to you now why you had repressed this for so long. 

The sound of your voice was startling. “Come in.” 

The door creaked, but the sound was overpowered by Azriel’s boot clicking against shining marble. The shadowsinger entered before his shadows, but the wisps followed close behind, quickly abandoning their master in favor of darting toward you. They twisted up your legs and elbows, rolling into your hair and dancing along your fingertips. 

Something like fear, love, crushing defeat tugged and tugged at your chest. 

“Azriel,” you greeted, aiming for a surprised tone and failing. “Have you come to see me off?” 

The spymaster didn’t smile. “Rhys sent me. He said you might have a message for him.” 

That cauldron-damned meddler. Of course he somehow knew about your reservations. You doubted he knew exactly what you had to say, but you had been dragging your feet all morning and were currently about an hour late for your own departure. 

And of course he had sent Azriel of all people. 

“Oh! Well, I suppose I could go and—” 

“Why is half of your vanity gone?” 

You blinked, startled by the words. If Azriel was anything, he was polite and never one to cut someone off. You went to search Azriel’s expression but found him zeroed in on the table pushed into the corner of your room. 

“What?” It was all you could think to formulate. 

But Azriel was quick to respond. “Almost all of your things are gone. Your perfumes and the pots of cream you keep on the side. You’ve only left the items you don’t use anymore.” 

“How do you know—” you cut yourself off this time, ignoring the glaring question that tried to blind you. “Azriel, I’m going away… to Day Court. You know this.”

But Azriel only shook his head, stalking over to the table and yanking the drawer open so harshly it shook the mirror. When he didn’t find what he was looking for, he went to your closet, throwing open the door, shoulders rising and falling with more effort. 

“Azriel—” 

“You’ve packed too much.” He turned to you, some of his shadows returning to wind around his chest. “You’ve taken most of your clothes.” 

“You know I always overpack,” you laughed, but the laugh sounded fake, painful. 

You fought the urge to cower under Azriel’s scrutinizing gaze. It was as if he was on fire, as if he was aflame and filled with something that had been pent up for far too long. If someone, anyone, were to look inside of you, they would see the same thing. 

Which is why you needed to get far, far away from this situation. Away from him.

But the longer you looked back at him—the longer you tried to slap that easygoing smile on your face—the longer he stared back with the same steady intensity. 

“Is something the matter?” you tried. 

Azriel’s hand twitched. 

That feeling crept along the edges of your ribs once again. 

“Is something the matter?” he parroted, jaw so impossibly tight the words came out pinched. 

You finally looked away, playing with your fingers. “Yes?” 

He started laughing. But it wasn’t the kind of laugh that made you feel light. It didn’t fill you with pride for eliciting such a sound from him, nor did it make you want to laugh in return. It made you feel dark; as Azriel laughed, you wanted to heave the sound back within the depths it flowed from. 

“There are several things that are the matter, y/n, but I’d say the most pressing is that you have been avoiding me for weeks. That every moment I’ve tried to spend with you has been promptly evaded and now you’re leaving and you had no intention of saying goodbye.” 

“I was going to—” 

“Please,” he pleaded, eyes soft yet so achingly desperate. “Don’t lie to me. Not right now.” 

The indent in the carpet was becoming permanent; you couldn’t seem to move. 

“I’ve been… I’ve been going through a hard time. Leaving seemed like it was the best for me. Just for a little while. Just until I could sort a few things out.” 

“For how long?” he asked, voice cracking along the precipice of the last word. 

You paused then, staring hard into his eyes. “A while.”

A shaky breath left the shadowsinger, his chest reflecting the sound. He ran a hand into his hair and tugged at the roots, an action you hadn’t seen him do in years. A sickening sort of pity ran through you—a sort of responsibility. 

Because Azriel was your friend, and he was going through something, too. You had no idea if his mate reciprocated his feelings. You found it hard to believe that anyone wouldn’t love Azriel, but the conversation you’d overheard last week gave nothing away. 

Maybe Azriel hadn’t told her yet because she didn’t love him. And maybe you were being a bad friend by not being there for him. 

Tossing your hurt to the side, you took a step forward. Azriel watched the movement, eyes flickering behind you to catch the previous imprint of your feet on the carpet. 

“I’m sorry,” you began, resolute. “I’m sorry that you felt you couldn’t tell me. And that you’ve been… having a hard time. I know I’m not leaving at the most opportune time, but you can write to me and I can help you.” 

Some of the brokenness on Azriel’s face morphed into confusion. “Help me?” 

“With your mate.” 

And it was as if Azriel had been shot. He physically recoiled, his right foot coming down to catch him as he fixed his imbalance. 

“I know you wanted to keep it private, but I overheard. Azriel—” You swallowed. Hard. “—It’s so wonderful that you’ve found your mate.” 

Something was set in motion, and Azriel was shaking his head. His gaze was fixed on you and his eyebrows were pushed together in a painful expression and he just kept shaking his head as your chest caved and it became hard to breathe. Something pulled from within and it felt like your heart was unraveling. 

Couldn’t he see how hard this was? How much it took from you just to acknowledge that he was destined for someone else? 

The shadowsinger seemed unaware of your inner turmoil, instead taking long steps across the room until he reached you. He leaned down, brought his hands up to your face, and he broke another piece of you as his forehead touched yours. 

He was whispering something, words so low even your fae ears couldn’t catch them, but you knew they were fast. Fast and incoherent and you weren’t even able to find their meaning in his expression because his eyes were squeezed so tightly. 

“Please, just notice. See it, angel, it’s there.” 

Your jaw quivered. He was so close to you. The few words you were able to make out were confusing. 

“My oblivious girl. Please.” 

“Azriel—” 

When he opened his eyes, the world fell off its axis. The fear in your chest—the feeling that had been unraveling you and leaving you weak—alighted. It pulled and pulled but this time it didn’t hurt. It no longer left splinters embedded in your ribs or took the breath from your lungs. 

As you looked up at Azriel, it was only soothing and warm and—

Mate. Azriel was your mate. 

You pushed back from him, stumbling and catching on the rug as you went toppling down to the floor. There was no pain from the fall; a numbness overtook your body where the warmth once flowed. 

“You’re my—Azriel, you—” 

There were no endings to the sentences you began. Azriel tried reaching a hand down, but when you wouldn’t take it he joined you on the floor. He sat with you between his legs, bringing you forward until your knees curled against his chest. And then he wrapped you in his arms and then his wings, taking calming breaths as yours ran rampant. 

“I am your mate,” he finished for you, so much more soothing than you had ever heard him speak.

“But Elain,” you gasped out, finding solace against his chest. You leaned your forehead against him and relished in the heat. 

“What of Elain?” Azriel asked, bringing a hand up against the back of your head. 

“You love Elain.” 

“I do not love Elain.” 

“And Mor?” 

“I do not love Mor, either.” 

You nodded against him. This would take longer for you to come to terms with later, but only simple answers were getting through to you now. And the bond—the bond—sang as you touched Azriel. The bond didn’t care if you were confused or hurt or disbelieving.

Your mind swam as a new influx of emotions filled you, but there was a distinction to them and you knew they weren’t your own. At first, it was hard to pick through them all; there were so many that they all blended together. There was an obvious tender love, but also a crippling fear that mingled with a darkness you couldn’t place. There was adoration and hopefulness and a sense of peace that lay at the bottom of all else. 

But you could tell this peace was new. It wasn’t as deeply ingrained as the others. 

Azriel leaned back, craning his neck down to catch your gaze. “Do you feel that?” he asked. When you nodded, he continued. “Those feelings have always belonged to you. All of them. I know there is not a lot of proof of that, and I will spend the rest of my life making up for that, but they have always belonged to you.” 

“Have you always felt mine?” you asked, voice sounding unused. 

“Since I’ve felt the bond,” he nodded. 

“How long have you…” 

Azriel sighed, but it wasn’t out of irritation. The bond told you as much. “Months.” 

Tears burned at the back of your eyes. “Then why did you never—” 

Azriel shushed you as your voice cracked. He ran both hands behind your head and held you steady as his lips pressed to your forehead. 

“I didn’t want to lose you.” 

Throat still closed, words still choked, you replied, “That is idiotic.” 

This time, when Azriel laughed, you felt that pride spark up in your chest. “I know, angel. Gods, do I know that.” 

There was a brief pause, a respite to the revelations and emotions in the room. You counted your breaths as you pressed against Azriel, and he ran his hands up and down the length of your spine, chaste kisses pressed to your head as the minutes ticked by. 

“Don’t leave.” Azriel broke the silence. “Stay. Please.” 

When you didn’t answer, he kept talking. 

“You don’t have to love me. I know that is a lot to ask and there are still so many questions left unanswered. But, y/n, I have loved you for a long, long time. I couldn’t bear it if you left. It has been difficult to even function this past week with you avoiding me. If you were to leave—”

“I only avoided you because I thought it wasn’t me,” you interrupted, pulling back once again to meet his gaze. “I thought you didn’t love me and I couldn’t stand it, so I wanted to leave.”

A grim line set into Azriel’s mouth. The desperation returned to his eyes. “We have wasted so much time.” 

“I wouldn’t say wasted. Not when you were here. Not when I was still with you.” 

“Angel.” The word came out like a plea, and then his lips were on yours. His hands pressed you closer and his mouth was hot against yours and it was everything you’d spent three centuries ignoring. You loved him, gods did you love him, and in this kiss was every proof that he loved you. 

You tangled your fingers in his hair, musing the already displaced strands. His wings quivered as you kissed him more, the action sending little pools of light into the bubble he had created. They felt warm against your eyelids, and when you pulled away to see the cause, Azriel moved his attention to your jaw, your cheek, your neck. 

“You are my mate,” he affirmed against your skin, low and gravelly. “Mine.” 

You pulled his head away, leaning your forehead against his own. “And you are mine.” 

“I love you,” he said. 

And you couldn’t say it back, not yet. Azriel seemed unperturbed by this and accepted your small smile as a reply, reciprocating it tenfold. His smile shone in the pockets of light created by his wings and his eyes no longer looked sad. It made you want to say it back.

When that guilt flooded you and your mouth parted, there was a tug at the bond instead. You gasped at the feeling, blinking up at Azriel with owlish eyes. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for months,” he admitted, smile softening as he ran scarred fingers along your cheeks. “Every time I felt your doubt or fear. I figured I could startle it out of you.” 

You rubbed at your chest. “It feels warm. And…” You couldn’t find the words.

“It feels good, angel. This bond was cold and it hurt, but it—it feels good. Like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.” 

A breathy, awestruck laugh escaped you. “You know, I still have to go to Day for the weekend. It’s court-appointed.” 

Azriel groaned, burying his face in your neck. “Then I will come with you,” he grumbled, words muffled against your skin. 

“You cannot. But you can wait for me to return and I will come right back here.”

Unwavering Presence Chapter 12

Cassian X Archeron Sister (Reader)

Summary: Cassian and Y/N both have a nightmare and look for comfort within each other. Spending a week out in pure bliss of cooking, meeting with a sweet Illyrian girl and snuggling in bed the couple hit a snag in the road.

Content Warning: Nightmares that depict murder, Asphyxiation, mention of wing clipping and scars. Weaponizing trauma against a victim and cliffhanger

Word Count:4.6K words

Banner used by @saradika

A/N: the last few sneak peeks I posted about are not in here but will be in the next one, I'm so sorry this took so long I was in a funk I couldn't shake! Though I'm not sorry for the cliffhanger.

ACOTAR MASTERLST

My arms were pinned above my head with Xavier’s hand gripping both of my wrists tightly. I writhed under him as he pawed at me. “Dolls, don’t move this much.” With his free hand he gripped my neck and forced his tongue down my throat as he pressed his length against me. Tears warmed my cheeks as my moan of agony was swallowed up by his mouth. “Shhh. It’s alright, it’ll be over soon.” He whispered over my lips as he slanted them down over mine again and I began to squirm. Xavier released the grip of my neck, his leather clad finger touching down my naked body. Until he reached my clit, and I gasped causing him to slither his tongue into my locking me tightly into place as he began to play with me like a toy.

I kept my eyes open as his disheveled blond hair fell forward from his face and tickled my collarbone. He moaned in my mouth as he slid a digit inside me, and I tried kicking my legs. Only the sharp sting of his hand against my core caused me to pause. “Stay still or I will get the spreader bar.” His blue eyes bore into mine with a seriousness that chilled my blood. “Do you understand?”

I steadied a breath, “Yes sir.”

He smiled, kissing me again, the feeling of his mouth on mine made me feel dirty and made me want to shrink into myself. Having enough I bit down on his bottom lip hard. He released me and I rose to my feet and tried to flee. His hand gripped my hair and I screamed, “No!” As Xavier yanked me back and forced me to my knees. “Get off me!” I shrieked.

“Let’s fix that mouth of yours, shall we?” He pressed the tip of his cock against my lips, the precum coating them, He released my hair only to pinch my nose. It didn’t take very long for my lungs to cry out for air, and I opened my mouth. Before he could do anything, a growl emulated from the corner, “Do not touch her.” Cassian’s voice grounded out. His siphons were the only thing I could distinguish as my vision was beginning to go out of focus.

Cassian had come for me, and when I turned to see him, silver glimmered in the illumination of the moonlight, and I screamed but it was too late. Graysen had taken the steel and sliced Cassian’s wings. “Cassian!” I cried out as the assault to his beautiful wings continued. I reached out for him only for Xavier to loop his arm around my waist. “Cassian!” He groaned on the floor, blood pooling underneath him. As I made another attempt to reach out to him. To have my fingertips reach his. “Please wake up, please wake up, Cassian.” I sobbed.

Bolting awake sweat raced down my back and face as I took in my surroundings, realizing I was in my room in the cabin and not in human lands. A little voice in the back of my mind kept saying:

Find him. Find him. Find him.

Rising from my bed I padded my way to the door to go find the General of the Night Courts Armies.

Cassian’s POV

 Screams erupted all around me as my brothers and I raided the camp in search of my mother. Her screams flooded the camp, and I locked eyes with Rhysand and with a dip of his chin I bolted to the sound of her screams. My lungs were burning as I pushed myself to run faster thought my mother's screams were still so far from me. The night breeze pierced my skin as I pushed forward as the outline of the camp came into view.

As I entered the threshold of the camp another bloodcurdling scream rang through the camp, no one stirred, no one came to her aid. Weaving through the makeshift cabins the silhouette of male and a kneeling female caught the corner of my gaze. I changed course and headed in the direction where my mother’s beautiful face came into view. Terror consumed her features as tears ran down her face. “I’m sorry, my sweet boy.” Her voice cracked and Cassian collapsed to his knees. Mother pulled his face close to hers, “Look at how you’ve grown, Sweetheart. I’m so proud of you.” She connected her forehead to mine, and I shut my eyes and took in her scent of snow and wildflowers.

“Cassian.” The voice caused my eyes to shoot open, and no longer was my mother’s eyes looking back at me but the familiar hues of Y/N. “Cass.” Her voice was shaky, and her fear was palpable.

I felt arms loop around mine and angrily yanking me back from the youngest Archeron sister, “No! Get off me!”  I thrashed as the two Illyrians pulled me away and the male that was behind Y/N lifted his battle Axe. My siphons roared to life and red power blasted from my body. The two warriors release me and I bolt toward, Y/N as the Axe slices through her neck.

I fall to my knees as the assassin drops the axe, “Long live the queen.” The male murmured barely falling to my ears as the gruesome scene laid bare in front of me.

I could feel the presence of my brothers as they approached and my tears turned into sobs as I lifted the body close to mine, Ignoring the fact her head was not attached and sobbed.

I bolted awake, sweat coating my skin and along my hair line. Pulling my hair up in a bun I sat at the edge of my bed trying to catch my breath. It took a few minutes before I took in my surroundings and realized that I was in the Cabin. Y/N’s room was right next to mine and just needing her in my arms I stood up and headed to find her.

Opening my door, I stepped out to find Y/N emerging from her room. Her face met mine and I could see the tear-soaked cheeks and her gaze met mine. “Hey.” She said tucking her bottom lip between her lips.

“Hey, you.” I gave her a small smile; I rubbed the back of my neck. “I was actually coming to find you.

“Oh?” She gave me a small tilt of her lips upward. “I was coming to find you too.”

Something warmed my chest at her words, and I held out my hand, “Come on, Princess.”

Y/N hesitated, then in a flash she slapped my hand away and wrapped her arms around my waist. Pressing her face into my chest. I heard her release a soft sigh as I coiled my arms around her. “I had a terrible dream.” She murmured.

I pressed my chin to the top of her head taking the scent in. She was here, she was alive, she was in my arms. “Me too,” my hand slides up her back and runs through her hair.

She sniffled and my body went rigid, “Graysen chopped your wings.” She whispered. She pulled back to look at them, her gaze was assessing, and I stilled as I realized she was checking for injuries.

I stroked my thumb against her cheek grabbing her attention, her eyes filled with worry.  “I’m okay, Princess, I flexed my wings so she can see they are uninjured. “My wings are perfectly fine.”

Y/N nodded, “What about you? You said you also had a nightmare,” Her voice a soft whisper and she gripped my hand, her soft fingers a stark contrast my calloused ones.

“I’m alright.” Her brows furrowed causing a little indent on her forehead. I leaned down pressing my lips where that crease resided and pulled away. Satisfaction bloomed in me as her face relaxed slightly, the wrinkles disappeared. I took her hand in my own and I quietly led her back to my room.

“Cassian What are you doing?” She questioned me as I opened my door.

“You have ruined my sleep schedule, Princess. If it’s alright with you, I would like you in my bed.”  Her cheeks tinted with the lightest shade of pink though panic enraptured her eyes, as if she was going back to a memory with Xavier. I tugged her hand lightly, “Hey no,” I leaned down to meet her eye level as my free hand gripped the back of her neck. “Come back to me, Sweetheart.” She blinked once… twice and there she was, my girl.  “I just want to hold you while we sleep.  Your presence comforts me.”  I chewed on the inside of my cheek at the admission.

Y/N gave me one of her toothy grins, one that could make me fall to my knees. “I’d like that. I sleep better when you’re close.”

I pressed my lips to hers for a moment and then kissed the tip of her nose, “Let’s get you to bed.” I adjusted my hands to hold her back and under her knees and picked her up and held her close to my chest. She gripped her arms around my neck and her Jasmine scent immediately calmed me.  “You died.” I whispered as I kicked the door shut behind me and continued and made strides to the bed. I placed her down at the edge of the bed.

Crawling in next to her, she laid her back, her kind warm eyes never leaving mine. “I what?”

Lying on my side and wrapping my arm around her stomach pulling her close. I nuzzled my face in her neck, peppering it with soft featherlight kisses moving up to her jaw and pressing my forehead to the side of her face, “In my nightmare.” I murmur against her skin. “I watched you get slaughtered in my dream. It started off with me looking for my mother and when I found her, she morphed into you.” I could hear her heart begin to race and I tried to rub soothing circles against her clothed side to calm her. “I watched you die. I just…” I paused and released a sigh, pulling away from her. Laying on my back fanning out my wings holding my hand out and felt her soft hand slip into mine and my fingers curled around hers. “I just needed a reminder that you were ok, that you were alive.”

“Darling,” Y/N whispered shifting on the bed and could feel her facing me. “Look at me.” I refused, she pulled her hand away from mine and her cool delicate fingers found my cheek and she lightly pushed my face to meet hers and her eyes held nothing, but warmth and comfort and I could feel a tug at my chest. She sat back, adjusting the pillows against the headboard as she sat back. Her hand still touching my face she lightly tugged, “Come here, Cassian.”

The tone of her voice made me move, and I braced my arms on both sides of her hips, a few loose strands falling from my bun. She swiped them out of my face and then she patted her chest, “Lie down,” My body obeyed her command instantly my arms slid around and gripped her back. My ear pressed against her breast where her heart held a steady strong beat. She was showing me that she was alive. She tugged the bun from my hair, and it cascaded down in every direction. As if she could sense my need for her touch, she began running her fingers through my hair. “Feyre would do this for me when I had a bad dream. Especially when I left Xavier. This was the best thing she could come up with to calm me.”

“Remind me to get her flowers before we go home?” I grumbled, snuggling my head deeper into her chest. “This is nice.”

Y/N kisses the top of my head and begins to hum a soft tune, after a few moments the hums turned into words, and she began to softly sing in my ear. A lullaby I was unfamiliar with. Though I can’t focus on the words as her soft melodic tone seeped into my bones and wrapped around my soul. Her beautiful voice, her fingers massaging my scalp and her strong pulse ringing in my ear my eyes grow heavy. Before slumber can pull me under, I could have sworn she whispered, “It belongs to you anyway.” Then sleep consumed me.

I stirred the next morning to find my head pressed against a pillow.  I lifted my head up blinking away the sleep and found the side of the bed cold. Pans collapsing and clanging on the ground in the kitchen followed by a slew of curses had me sliding out of bed, tying my hair back and following the sound. Making sure to quiet my footsteps I leaned against the door frame leading into the kitchen. Y/N was grumbling picking up the scattered cook wearing her hair in a braid that looked disheveled. Her cheeks were flushed, and I couldn’t help but admire her plump ass as she bent over to put things away, fighting the urge to collide my hand against it with a sharp slap. As she stood, and grabbed something off the counter, I made my presence known, “What’s going on in here?”

Y/N must not have noticed I was here because she jumped and in doing so the contents of the bowl she was holding flew in the air and landing all over her. She turned to look at me and pushed out her bottom lip, “You ruined my surprise.” She mumbled, shaking her head to get the flour out of her hair; a plume of flour swirls around her.

I pushed off the doorframe and approached her as I fought the laughter from escaping my lips. I looked at the contents on the table and my chest heaved. “You were trying to make breakfast?”

The youngest Archeron sighed in defeat, “You were upset last night because of your dream, and you made breakfast for me when I was upset. I was trying to do the same.” She looked at the mess in the kitchen, “Clearly, its not working out and I woke you up in the process. I’m sorry.”

This time I do laugh, and she tucks her head down in embarrassment. I lift her face and wipe some of the flour off her face. “My sweet, Princess. You’re cute. How about this. You go get cleaned off. I will clean up here and we can cook together.

Her face lit up, “Really?” I nodded and she smiled, “I’ll be right back.” She bolts out of the room and called out, “I’ll bring you down a shirt.”

I chuckled and began cleaning up.

The smell of eggs wafted through the kitchen as Y/N whisked the mixture for pancakes and I fried our eggs. She was swaying her hips dancing to whatever melody was in her head, “Do you always do that?”

She turned continuing her little dance moves as she poured the batter onto the pan, “Do what?” Pulling away when she gets a few perfect circles on the pan.

“Dance when you’re doing something?” She looked up and the dancing stopped as she thought about it.

“I guess I never noticed before.” She placed the bowl down, and held out her hand, “May I have this dance, General?” She wiggled her eyebrows her hair neatly put up a Violet bow in her hair wearing her leathers.

I flipped the eggs and glanced at her from my periphery and her eyes shifted from playful to soft and pleading her lips pushed out in a pout. Knowing that I could deny her nothing I tucked in my wings and gripped her hand in mine and my other around her waist as her hand rested on my bicep. I began to sway with her in the kitchen, flexing my bicep muscle every now and then. “We might burn the food.” I pointed her out as spun her around and pulled her back into my arms.

“We might,” She hummed. She smiled, “But we’ll at least have some fun.”  

I rolled my eyes and tapped her butt. “I don’t like wasting food, back to the pancakes, Princess.”

She grumbled and crossed her arms but made her way back to the pancakes and flipped them. Y/N proceeded to swish her hips and as we finished making breakfast, I found myself moving my hips along with her and getting swept up by the invisible beat she was dancing to.

When we finished eating our breakfast, I pressed my lips in a tight line watching as the sun gleamed on Y.N as if the mother was praising her handy work in how beautiful she made her. My lips turned upward as she furiously scratched words into her journal. She was focused and I rubbed at my chest trying to ease the tightness there. “I have a favor to ask of you.”

Y/N looked up from her journal and the sun glinted around her hair like a halo, “Sure. What’s up?”

“The other day when I had to leave because there was an incident that happened at the camp.” She tilted her head and I continued, “A little girl had her wings clipped. It’s a terrible tradition my people have when a girl has their first bleed. They take away their ability to fly, so they can focus on doing housework. It was one of the first thing that was banned when Rhys came into power, but the leaders of the camps still find work arounds.”

There was a tick in Y/N’s jaw, her eyes becoming glassy. She cleared her throat, “That’s horrific. We can discuss that later though, what’s the favor?” She shut the notebook and straightened her posture she reminded me of a solider waiting for orders.

“The little girl, Grace is her name, asked if I could bring you over to visit.” I smiled as her face shifted to one of shock. “She wanted to meet the human who saved her and her family.”

Y/N stood up and pressed a hand to her chest, “I would be honored. Can we go now?”

“Of course, Princess. Let’s get going.”

 We landed back into the camps and placed Y/N down and gripped her hand and walked her over to one of the cabins. She squeezed my hand and took a deep breath. Once we reached the front door Y/N knocked twice and waited as she shifted her weight from one leg to the other. “You, okay?”

She simply nodded and before she could speak the door opened and both of us had to look down to find Grace looking back up at us. “Hi Cassie! She ran up and hugged my legs. I pressed my hand on the back of her head, my grin growing wide.

“Hi, Little one.” I said and got down on a bended knee and held her tiny hands, “How are you feeling?”

Her eyes beamed, “I feel so strong, though my wings hurt when I stretch them. Will that ever go away?” I opened and shut my mouth unsure what to say but then Y/N cleared her throat and saw Grace realized there was another person with me. “It will pass, with time though every now and again it will throb. It will be more uncomfortable than painful.” She whispered and got down on her knee. “I’m Y/N, I heard your name is Grace.”

Grace lit up at the sound of her name, “Cassie, you kept your promise!”

I placed a hand on my chest in mock offense, “I’m sorry as your General I always keep my promises.”

Grace moved from my embrace and walked toward Y/N grabbing her hand and leading her inside the cabin and I followed behind the two girls. I was greeted by Grace’s mother, her brown hair pinned up, her wings tucked tightly, and she pressed a hand on my arm, “Thank you, General. She hasn’t stopped talking about being brave for her Cassie. Your kindness has made this whole situation easier for both of us.”

I held her hand gently in mind and gave it a squeeze, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t there sooner. I wish I could have prevented it.”

Grace’s mother provided a small, “It may not have been preventable, General.”

“Please call me, Cassian.”  I smiled.

“Diana,” She returned, “Go on Gracie. hasn’t stopped talking about you bring Y/N here.”

I walked deeper into the cabin in the common living space to see Gracie drawing and Y/N coloring alongside her. “Y/N where you hurt like I was?”

I stilled and watched as Y/N’s posture stiffened though she gave a smile, “Yes, a bad man hurt me. I have scars on my back because of it. But we do share one thing in common with each other.”

Grace eyes grew wide, “We do?”

Y/N nodded her body relaxing once more, “Cassian came to help us, when we needed him most.” Gracie looked over to where I was standing. Y/N’s gaze was burning the side of my face and when I met her stare she smiled.  

“He is like a knight in shining armor saving the princess!” Gracie squealed. “We were the princess!”

I smiled and walked into the room, “You sure are!” Grace ran up to me and leapt into my arms and I was quick to catch her.  “Cassie, are you going to marry Y/N?”

Y/N coughed the air becoming tight with uncomfortable silence. I cleared my throat, “I have to know, curious girl, why would you ask that?” I tickled her sides, and she began to giggle.

“Well, you saved her from the bad man, and you were holding her hand when you walked in. You clearly love her.”

I looked at the woman in question her cheeks were flushed but she said, “Well, Cassian is a good male, he will always help someone in need. As for him holding my hand he is aware that I get nervous and fidget, he was trying to bring me comfort.”

Grace furrowed her brow, “But you two must get married. I know you love each other.”

Y/N smiled, “Tell you what we can revisit marriage when we come and visit again.”

Grace gasped, “You want to come visit again?”

I flicked the child’s nose, “Of course we’re coming back, I have to check the bravest female in windhaven.”

Grace puffed out her chest in pride. “I won’t let you down, Cassie.”

I nodded, “You never could!”

“Would you two like to stay for dinner?”

Grace smiled, “Yes they would,” there was no room for argument, and we stayed for dinner.

The next week, Y/N and I fell into a routine, meals together, she would go in the study and write as I went to the camps. We still had not heard from Rhys so I had to assume that they were still in the Summer Court. When I get back Y/N and I would make dinner together and then she would get into one of my shirts and I would hold her close to my chest and we would simply fall asleep.

One day I left for Windhaven to discuss some plans with Devlon and enforcing that the females are aloud to train.

Devlon crossed his arms, “They will train after their chores, Is that simply not good enough?”

I snarled, “They deserve to have the choice to not do the chores if they don’t want to.”

Devlon snorted, “Says the male who is parading human trash around, and she follows you around like a little pup.”

I bared my teeth at him, “Mind your place, Lord. She is under the protection of your High Lord. Your just mad she bruised your pride.”

Devlon lifted his chin the sign of pure arrogance, “I could care less of an opinion of someone beneath me as a human whore, who is sleeping with a bastard born brute.”

I clenched my fist as my jaw ticked, “I will not tolerate your tone, step out of line again, and I will be personally mandating all your men doing the chores while the girls will train.” I took a step closer to him, “I hear you say one more thing about Y/N Archeron, I will not hesitate to sink your teeth in. Are we in an understanding.”

Devlon walked around me and made sure to collide with my soldier, “The females will train. Get out of my Camp, General,” He drawled out my title and left the tent.

Frustration pent up I followed him out and took to the skies to head back to the Cabin.

Once I reached the Cabin, I noticed the fae lights still on, I was later than I anticipated, but I walked in and kicked the snow off my boot and slammed the door behind me. The anger stirring in my gut was festering and I didn’t want my princess to be subjected to that. I stomped up to my room and slammed the door. I sat on the bed and pressed my palm against my eyes to try to relieve the pressure that had started to bloom in my head.

There was a soft knock on my door. “Cass? Are you okay?”

“Go away, Princess.” I murmured and pressed my palm deeper into my eyes. As the door opened.

I heard her footsteps growing near her and I pulled my hands away from my face and leveled a glare at her. She paused and retreated a step, “I wanted to make sure you were okay.” She spoke quietly, my eyes glazed to her hands where she was picking at her nails, she was nervous. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m fine. I want to be alone.” I barked out. Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair.

When I looked back at her she looked stricken, as if I hit her.  She pressed “Cass, let me help.”

I snorted my rage boiling over as I rose to my feet, and she took an instinctive step back. I barely registered the fear in her eyes, “Tell me, Y/N, how could you help me. You can barely help yourself. Always hoping someone will save you; Rhys, Az, Feyre, are you that incompetent of taking care of yourself. That you resorted to sleeping with an abusive-“

I didn’t get the sentence out before her hand collided with my cheek. “You know I was coming to check if you were okay. I did not expect you to be a prick. I made dinner all by myself, so you came home to warm meal.” Guilt washed over me at her words, “Whenever you feel like acting like a grown adult; come join me.” She turned and headed for the door, “I don’t need a reminder about how low and insignificant I am.” She taps her head, “I hear those words repeatedly in my head, and yet Nesta had never failed to remind me of just how worthless, and beneath her I am.” Her voice cracked and it matched the ache in my heart, “I never thought you would stoop so low.”

Looking up at me I could see the hurt in her tender eyes. “Princess, Wait.” Her shutting the door; the solitary clicks of the door meeting its latch, was the only sound in the room.

For a moment I stared at the empty space where she had stood, then I crumpled to my knees. Tugging at my hair, my brain began to whirl, Hurt, Hurt, Hurt. You Hurt her. I had made her feel the same way she felt with Xavier and Nesta. “What. Have. I. Done?” I whispered as I curled in a ball my wings cocooning me, trying to block out the sobs I heard coming from the other room.

I am a monster.

To be continued...

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It had been a long day. Tony had been on the phone most of the day. His hands running thru his hair about every ten minutes. Making some lunch. You walked into Tony’s office and smiled at him. “I made lunch.” You said holding up the plates. Holding up his finger telling you he would be one minute. You can him a look that said lets eat. When that didn’t work. You gave him the puppy dog look. “Let me call you back. Y/N brought in lunch.” He said hanging up. “Thanks babe.” He said giving you a quick kiss. “You’re working to hard. Can’t you call it a day?” You said handing him his food. “I’ll be done soon.” He said taking a bite. “Tony come on. I haven’t seen you all day. You just got back. When do I get to see you. I’ve seen the mechanic more then I’ve seen you.” You said getting up and walking out of the office. Leaning back on the couch. He knew he had been ignoring you. He didn’t mean to. He just want to get this all done. The last thing he remembers is falling a sleep.

The house was quiet when Tony walked into the hallway. Wondering what happen to you. He started yelling out your name. “Y/N!” Tony screamed That’s when he heard your laugh. Your laugh was what he fell in love with first. Walking into the bedroom he saw who was making you laugh. It was the mechanic. “Run away with me Y/N. I’ll make all the time for you. You deserve all the attention.” “Let’s go.” You said grabbing his hand and running past Tony. “Y/N Y/N!” Tony started screaming.

Hearing your name you ran into the office to see Tony a sleep. He was having a bad dream and keep screaming your name. Straddling his lap. You tried to wake him up. “Tony, babe I’m here. Wake up.” You said touching his face. Tony slowly woke up. Surprised to see you. “You didn’t leave?” He said hugging you. “Of course I didn’t leave. Are you okay. You were having a bad dream.” You said hugging him back. “I dreamed you left me for the mechanic.” You started laughing. “It’s not funny.” “Tony, I’m never going to leave you. I just miss you. Beside our mechanic is like 80.” Tony gave you a look before he started chasing you to the bedroom.

Built by Patrick Romero

TLOU2 and the Stages of Grief

To begin, here’s a quick crash course into the 5 Stages of Grief. 

There are five stages of grief; Denial & Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Although these are the identified stages, they are not experienced the same for everyone. People experience them occurring in different orders, experience each stage to different degrees, and in some cases people don’t experience all of the stages. Often times people in real life experience these stages without full completion due to how quickly the world moves and the responsibilities that society has put on an individual. Throughout the whole process, our own feelings and thoughts of mortality is brought up. But there is a common thread in each of the stages and that is Hope. While you may have lost someone you are still alive and there is hope that you will continue to live, or in some cases just survive.

Now that we’ve covered some basics to the 5 Stages of Grief, let’s really get into it in regards to The Last of Us Part II. There will be spoilers ahead.

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