Hate - Pietro Maximoff X Reader

i will not ask you why you were creeping (in some sad way i already know)

this is part three to this azriel and his best friend fic :)

azriel x reader

word count: 5.8k

warnings: mentions of bad family dynamics and childhood trauma, mentions of canon typical violence

summary: starfall has passed, but the revelations of the night keep her anxious and a little embarrassed. there's nothing like having a best friend to ease all your worries - until he goes on a mission, that is

a/n: here it is finally!! I hope you enjoy it and make sure to let me know what you think :) all feedback is welcome! if you want to be added to the taglist let me know here

“Oh, he did not say that!”

“I swear to the Mother, Az! And he looked so pompous too!” a rare laugh bubbled out of the shadowsinger’s lips. He was sitting up over the navy blue covers of his bed, almost doubled over, his stomach hurting from laughter.

“I cannot believe you kept this story from me for a full week” she giggled in response.

The pair of best friends were currently locked inside Azriel’s bedchambers, after she came running into his room about an hour earlier with one groaned out in exasperation explanation - “Cassian and Nesta,” she had practically growled out while throwing herself head first into his pillows “again! It’s the fifth time this week!”

The cause for her visit in his chambers may have been out of a need to escape the sounds that the mated pair made, but Azriel welcomed her with open arms and a big smile, as always. That was one thing about her best friend - there was always some form of smile on his face, each time he saw her.

It was special, that he reserved those moments for her only - and their other family members too - sweet, even.

“You got any other recent stories from your studio for me?” Azriel asked with a quirked eyebrow as he settled back against his bed, biting on one of the freshly baked cookies she had brought with her.

“Not really, you know. Starfall season is over so there’s not that many customers now” she had opened up a dressmaker studio a few decades earlier, despite Azriel’s insistence that she did not have to work, that Rhysand had enough money to support her.

But she had wanted to work.

She never had the chance to before and even though it initially came as another piece of defiance against her parents - she had a need for many of those when she first fled her hometown - it quickly became a great passion of hers.

Dresses were one of the few things from her old life that she did really love, despite how poorly she used to make them for the first few years. She’s pretty sure Rhysand had spent more money to keep it open than the shop actually made. He would never admit it to her though. Now, however, she was one of the most renowned dressmakers in Velaris.

She still pictured her parents' faces if they found out she was a working female now. This was one of the few things they couldn’t bring her down about.

Yes, it was outrageous that a highborn female like her chose to work - with her hands too - but she was successful at what she did. They could insult her about it all they liked, but they couldn’t take her skills away from her.

Sometimes it felt like a sole proof that she could do well in life without them, without their money and prospects and marriage and the golden cage she had spent her youth in.

Sometimes it felt like a lifeline to hold onto, when anxiety and guilt wrecked her guts.

She was still, so, so embarrassed about starfall. She woke up the morning after already dreading seeing Azriel again after he saw her fall apart like that.

Despite it not being the first time. Despite it likely not being the last time either.

But he acted as though nothing had happened - took her out to breakfast before helping her tidy up the studio for opening in a few days.

She knew that the good weeks now were like sunlight before the storm. She could feel the unease already brewing deep inside her. The two months mark would be here soon and- she didn’t even want to think about the mess that would follow.

Azriel knew. Of course he did.

He acted calmly, though, maybe so she could anchor herself to him, try and mirror his behaviour. He made sure she knew he was there for her, offering more long flights over the Velaris skyline than usual or bringing her new fruit flavoured pastries from a bakery down the street to her studio.

Only he could act like that and make it not feel like pity.

She didn’t know how to express gratitude, so she resolved to baking. Example: the cookies they were both currently snacking on.

She had just finished hers and now she lay flat on her stomach, playing with the shadows curling around her fingers.

“They’re so cute” Azriel visibly stopped in his tracks, the hand holding his cookie up to his mouth freezing

“Excuse me?” she glanced up at him

“Your shadows. They’re cute” her eyes momentarily gained focus after sensing Az’s startled reaction, a hint of sharp amusement awakening in them. He opened his mouth to argue, but before he could say anything, his shadows just about tripled in quantity. Curling and brushing around her whole body, twining around her fingers and lifting individual strands of her hair into the air.

Her eyes widened and she let out a giggle.

“Stop this. Right now.”

“I’m not even doing anything!”

“You know exactly what you’re doing” she burst out laughing at that, genuine joy shining off her eyes

“I’m not doing shit, it’s them!” and Azriel was shaking his head, nothing but fondness in his eyes as he looked at her, laying there in his sheets and blankets, catered to by his shadows. Something akin to a string pulled at his rib.

Eventually, Azriel spoke “Fine” he shrugged his shoulders and brought the cookie back up to his mouth to bite. t was intimate to see him so at ease. Laying in bed, posture and body fully relaxed shadows leisurely curling around the entirety of the room. It was vulnerable how safe they both were in each other’s presence.

“Fine?”

“You’re their favorite. Can’t argue with that” he said between chews.

She gasped, quirking up, legs bent and kicking in the air. “You really think so?” Azriel laughed softly.

“Of course I do”

She pursed her lips, and poked her cheek with her tongue in contemplation. Finally, she huffed “You’re making me blush so we’re changing the subject,” he was shaking his head again, smiling softly at her, arms bent behind his head, resting against the headboard.

“Any missions this week?”

“Yeah. One in the continent. Tomorrow” a bit of loaded silence followed, and then

“What? Really?” his eyes softened when he noticed how she visibly deflated. She stopped kicking her legs, the fingers playing with his shadows stilling their movement too.

“I just found out today, sweetheart. But it should only last one day”

“Yeah, okay then” she moved up the bed to sit next to him, moonlight reflecting against her nightgown “Promise you’ll be careful?”

Azriel could swear something even the Mother herself could not explain was happening to his heart.

His fingers clenched and unclenched as he fought the urge to do something. Gods, he was barely able to breathe when the sweet scent of her shampoo hit his nose and there she was kneeling next to him like it was nothing.

Green eyes wide, hopeful and waiting looking up at him and golden-brown curls cascading down her shoulders and over her breasts.

She was in his bed, covered in his scent, shadows and blankets, clad in nothing but a nightgown after bringing him godsdamned cookies to eat.

How was he expected to function properly?

Her full lips parted when he brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Of course I promise, angel,” Azriel replied with a raspy voice. And with that, the night went on.

After a while, her movements started to become slower, sluggish even. Sleepy girl.

“Tired?” she only nodded.

He sometimes wondered whether the reason behind how often she became sleepy when next to him was because she felt safe.

Mother, he hoped it was.

The alternative was far more daunting and sent a spike of alarm through his mind - was she overworking herself at the studio? No, surely his shadows would have informed him of that.

“Want me to walk you to your room?” his heart clenched awaiting her response, before immediately warming up when she said:

“What, you won't let me sleep here? No sympathetic cuddle for your best friend?” her smile was sheepish as she already lowered herself onto the pillow he usually slept on.

Azriel chuckled, laying down next to her, bringing the covers and a wing to keep her ever chilly body warm.

“All the cuddles my best friend wants, she gets”

“Wake up,” there was a voice disturbing her sleep. Azriel’s voice. “Sweetheart. Wake up”

“Leave me alone”

A chuckle escaped Azriel’s lips as he crouched in front of his bed. He let her sleep in when he sneaked out of bed earlier to get ready for his mission.

Partially because he had wanted to let her sleep in, and partially because she turned into a demon whenever someone tried to wake her up.

“Come on, angel,” he brushed a hand down her hair. She was laying on her side, facing him, features relaxed.

A familiar feeling warmed his chest to see her like that. And he hated that he had to leave, that he couldn’t get under the covers next to her and-. He has work to do.

Azriel tried again in a soft, warm tone “Open your eyes”

The groan she let out was bordering on growling “Seriously Azriel if you don’t-”

“I have to go”

A bit of silence ensued, her brow furrowed and then she was groaning again, turning onto her back. “Your mission wouldn’t get ruined if you slept for an extra hour, for Mother’s sake”

He didn’t say anything, waiting for her to open her eyes.

After a few seconds she scooted closer to him, but stayed on the bed. She draped her arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder, barely awake.

Sleepy, grumpy girl.

The movement made him sway and spread out his wings to balance himself. Absent-mindedly, he buried his nose in her hair.

“Be careful. And come back to me quickly, alright?”

“Alright. I promise”

She slowly raised herself up onto her elbows, eyes lidded, still half asleep, movements slow. “M’ sorry if I was mean”

“You were actually quite nice. For your standards”

“Hmph”

“Go back to sleep. I’ll be back for dinner” before his sentence was out, she had already laid back on the bed and snuggled her face into his pillow.

“M-” she yawned, eyes drifting close “Mkay”

After sparing one lengthy glance at her soundly sleeping form in his sheets, Azriel was out the door to meet Rhysand who would give him some final instructions.

He would also give him shit for making him wait for the extra fifteen minutes that the spymaster spent trying to coax his best friend awake.

He wouldn’t pay it any mind.

The day at the studio was incredibly boring, as she had expected. The post-starfall lull came every year without fail.

At one point she had considered closing shop for the day, but working seemed to be good on her mind.

Working meant she didn’t worry about her parents, and about Azriel. Who hadn’t even told her what his mission was about. Or where exactly it was.

Was it because she had talked over him so much that he hadn’t even had the chance? Gods, she hoped not. And she hoped he wasn’t offended she fell asleep on him mid-conversation, again.

It kept happening and she wanted to stay awake for longer to spend more time with him, the Mother knew she did, but her eyes always closed on their own accord. Which was especially strange considering that for most of her youth, she had huge trouble with sleep.

Whether it was waking up in terror in the dead of night, or being unable to fall asleep at all - she had dreaded almost every nightfall back in her family estate. Even though it was the only time she could ever really be herself - unjudged and unguarded.

She shook her head - those years were well past her.

Well, she hoped so, at least.

The day passed quickly - she spent it starting up on some projects that she may or may not finish just in time for spring to arrive.

Except for when a few customers came in, the quiet of the shop had been filled with her soft humming. And a little bit of talking to herself.

Well, not entirely to herself. She spoke to the shadow that Azriel always left with her when he left on missions. Or the shadow stayed behind on its own whim, as her best friend never mentioned leaving it with her.

Either way, with Azriel away, it was the sole subject of her babbling. Up until afternoon, that is, when Elain Archeron came into the shop.

She was alerted with the presence of a new customer, courtesy of the bell hanging over the door.

“Just a second! I’ll be right there!” she squealed out from the backroom. She hadn’t expected any more customers today, especially so near closing.

“Oh, it’s alright!” came a soft voice from the main room of the shop “Take your time”

“Oh, hi Elain!” she said walking to greet her friend “What brings you here?”

“I was just running some errands and wanted to check up on you” if even Elain of all people resorted to this gentle handling and coddling her, then she didn’t even want to imagine what would go down on dinner tonight.

They all still talked about starfall, then.

She appreciated the worry, she really did, but frankly there was nothing for them to do. And she couldn’t ask a High Lord to send out a letter telling her father to frankly, fuck off. Even though he probably would, if it came to it. But she did not want to let someone else handle her life for her, ever again.

She would be fine. Even if dismissing the whole situation probably didn't prove that she could, in fact, fix all of her problems on her own.

The female must have noticed her lack of response and opened her mouth to say something, but she was quickly cut off “I’m fine, Elain, really” she told her friend with a tight lipped smile.

“Are you sure?” something about the look in the middle Archeron sister’s eyes told her she didn’t entirely believe her. Elain gripped both of her hands in hers and continued on “Because if you’re not-”

“I’m alright, really” she assured

“Well, if you say so” the female dipped her head sheepishly, words slow and unsure.

“Can we change the subject, please?” she walked toward the counter near the back of the studio “I have these new projects here, maybe you could take a look…”

The two females ended up taking more than just one look at the projects, as they were now, well over an hour later, sitting on the wooden floor of the shop, papers scattered around them.

Elain gasped as she looked at the time, saying she was supposed to meet with Lucien in a few minutes. She left quickly after complimenting her unfinished works.

She stood up from the floor, wiping her hands on the skirts of her dress. She had a bit of time for a general clean up before Cassian came to fly her to the house for family dinner.

She sighed out through her nose and fixed the ribbon holding half of her hair up. If she was perfectly honest with herself, she would say that she’d much rather hide in her bedroom all night than deal with more coddling from her family.

Maybe it was some long-ago built in shame for expressing vulnerability. She was supposed to sit pretty, quiet and pliant. What was scary was how sometimes, when she fell apart or was especially exhausted - that was a form she craved taking.

But she was alright now and it was ridiculous for her to require this much attention from the people around her.

As she went on with tidying up the studio, her mind wandered over to Azriel. She worried for him, as she always did, but she knew how experienced and seasoned he was. The mission wasn’t anything for him to even bat an eye over, she was sure.

And anyway, he was probably already on his way home.

Azriel did not yet appear to be on his way home. Her stomach churned as she squirmed in Cassian’s arms.

“What do you mean ‘he hasn’t reported to Rhys yet?’” she looked up at him, and wide eyes demanding explanation

“I’m sure he’s alright, seriously. I did not mean to worry you” Cassian replied with a light voice as he soared over the city. When she didn’t reply he looked down to find her still staring at him sternly, jaw clenched and eyes squinted. Uneasy in his arms. “If I knew this would be how you’d react, I’d never would have told you”

“Well that’s comforting, Cassian.” he bristled a bit, eyes softening at her worry.

“He probably just got held up somewhere. This has happened before, remember?” Cassian tried to reason “He usually comes home late”

“But he always reports it, no?”

Cassian sighed, adjusting his grip on her.

“I’m just worried, Cass”

“I know. But he’s fine, I’m sure of it”

Her worry had not eased one bit in the next half hour.

After immediately taking notice of Azriel’s absence at dinner, unease started to creep up her chest. It was possibly a bit unreasonable to get overly worried, this soon. This wasn’t the first time he was late from a mission.

But why hasn’t he reported back?

Everyone else at the table seemed to think exactly the same way Cassian did - that everything was fine. But she had a bad feeling about this.

She swore she could feel worry and anxiety in her chest as though someone had tied a string to her rib and actively pulled it. But with some more convincing from the inner circle, she chose to dismiss the worry for a little while.

If he didn’t get back when they were done eating, that’s when she would seriously start worrying.

“So, I heard you and Azriel are going on a trip to Summer Court soon?” Feyre asked in a light tone, a fair try at deflecting the conversation.

“What? Summer?” Cassian gasped at hearing the question. He looked at her, eyes wide with betrayal. “You guys know I can’t go!”

Nesta chuckled, patting her mate’s arm.

“You’ll live, big guy”

“Well,” she looked at Cassian, and smiled sheepishly “that’s because Az and I were planning on going alone”

Cassian just sat there, mouth hanging open, staring at her in disbelief. Nesta was fighting her smirk; Feyre, Elain and their respective mates were chuckling, while Mor was outright laughing in Cassian’s face.

“And you all knew about this?”

Silence, broken by a few giggles, engulfed the dining room of the House of Wind.

“Traitors” Cassian huffed, slumping back in his chair with his arms crossed.

And for a moment, a comforting lightness came over her. Her friends were all laughing, the evening was peaceful and Azriel surely would be home safe and sound soon.

That feeling lasted all but about ten seconds before a sharp voice cut through it like a knife.

“Well, it’s good to know you and Azriel will be gallivanting around another court while we will be left to deal with your family, once they come here” Amren spoke smoothly from her chair at the other end of the table, eyes sharp and focused.

The room was casted in a heavy silence.

Before she could open her mouth to say something, Rhysand was already shaking his head in disapproval. Violet eyes held warning in them as he spoke to the female. “I think that’s enough, Amren”

She scoffed. “What, you make a show of breaking down over this on Starfall and now Azriel is taking you away to have a vacation just when things will get dirty here?”

“I-” she stammered. A doe closed into a corner. “We haven’t decided on when we’re going-”

“Like that’s the issue here” there was a hint of disdain in Amren’s voice as she replied, before bringing her wine glass to her lips.

She looked down at her like she was a bug under her shoe.

This was strange, even for Amren - yes, they were never close friends, but their relationship was also never outright hostile like this. “What exactly is it that you’re planning to do when your father does come here, eventually?”

She didn’t say anything. Shame, so distinct that she could actually feel it cutting into her chest, burned her as she looked around the room.

Wide eyes confused the glances the rest of the inner circles were exchanging as hostile against her, when in reality they were meant against Amren. She felt her breathing become shallow, and more shame licked at her.

Stupid, foolish girl.

“That’s enough.” Rhysand said with finality, at which Amren smirked but sat back and looked away. Nesta glared at her.

She should be fine. She shouldn’t need this defense, all this coddling. She hated that about the matter of her parents so much - the subject left her feeling so defenseless.

Any thought of them was like twisting a knife that had been stabbed through her for her whole life.

The worst thing was that deep down, she knew Amren was right.

She had no plan, no idea what to do, and did in fact hope that her summer court vacation would overlap with her family’s visit. If you could even call it a visit.

The word invasion crossed her mind.

Gods, what a mess this was. She was.

And most of all, she felt stupid for wishing Azriel was here. She shouldn’t need anyone. She usually didn’t need anyone.

She shook her head, not wanting to ruin the evening for herself more. There were things to worry about, now that they were halfway through eating and Azriel was still not here.

With a picked up heart rate and shaky hands, she went on eating her meal. She didn’t look up from her plate once, so she didn’t see the worried glances her friends were exchanging.

Not like it would’ve been better on her mind if she had.

She has been pacing her best friend’s bedroom for half an hour now.

He should be here. Something is wrong, for sure.

More and more nightmarish scenarios passed through her mind as she ran her hands through her hair for the thousandth time.

Just when she was about to step out of the room to find Rhys or Cassian and Nesta, the door opened.

She stopped dead in her tracks as she watched the shadowsinger stumble into his bedroom. Her eyes zeroed in on the hand he was clutching at his stomach. Red stained his fingers.

Her breathing went in and out in short gasps and she didn’t notice the surprise on Azriel’s face when he saw her there.

Her presence alone was enough reason for happiness for Azriel to forget the pain shooting through his abdomen.

The sight of her, however, was not.

Her usually composed hairstyle was a mess, and when she moved to stabilize him when he stumbled in her direction, he noticed the bit through the skin on her fingertips. The look on her face didn’t help either.

She was scared. Worried.

“Are you alright?”

She stopped dead in her tracks, again, and then with a furrowed brow looked down at his abdomen, and then back to his face.

“You’re hurt” her voice was strained, heavy

“I’ll be fine” he went to go inside his room, and she caught him when he almost fell “Just need to-” he gasped “Lay down”

“No, Az, you need help,” she directed him into the bathroom instead and led him to sit on the closed toilet lid. “Here, I’ll get Rhys to call Madja”

“No”

She gave him a stern look. Sweet, caring girl. “Azriel.”

“I can patch myself up,” he laid back against the wall “No healers. And I’ll be fine s’long as you’re here, angel. Been thinking about you all day” he said with closed eyes.

Gods, he must be delirious from the bloodlost, she thought.

If he won’t see Madja she’ll have to heal him herself. A bunch of shadows handed her a medic kit.

Time was a blur as she set everything out and went to start stopping the bleeding and healing the cut. She knelt before Azriel, movements quick, but precise. Her brow was furrowed with concentration, but worry, too.

Why hadn’t he let anyone know that he was hurt? What has happened?

Azriel hissed in pain as she disinfected the already healing wound. He would be fine, she exhaled in relief.

“Sorry,” she grimaced, looking up at him. “I’m almost done”

Azriel looked down at her through lidded eyes, a small smile donning his lips.

After a moment, when he still wouldn’t look away, she continued on her work with pink-tinted cheeks. Azriel’s stupid smile widened.

He could get stabbed everyday if it meant she would take care of him.

Soon, she was done and helped him to bed.

With assistance from his shadows, she had managed to change him into sleeping clothes. The wound was almost healed already, but she still bandaged it up, just in case.

She exhaled for what felt like the first time in hours. Gods, she knew something was wrong. Still, something inside her eased at having him back at her side, even if hurt. At least this way she could personally make sure he would be taken care of.

And she had to admit to herself, as selfish as it was, she was eternally glad to have him here after that cauldron damned dinner. A feeling of safety came back to her chest like a puzzle piece being set in place.

Now that he wasn’t actively losing blood, Azriel could think a little straighter. He sat against his pillows as she fluffed them up for him, brow still furrowed with worry. He lifted a finger to smooth the lines of her forehead.

“You should be better soon, Az. How do you feel?” she gripped his forearm in her hand. Her wide eyes bored into his hazel ones.

“I’m alright”

She let out a sigh in relief that he was at least feeling better. “I’ll tell Cassian that you won’t come to training and I’ll go to Madja for some tonics for you first thing in the morning. I also read somewhere that-”

“Sweetheart” he interrupted her gently “I’m alright, really. No need to do any of those things”

“No, Az, you’re not training tomorrow morning. No way” he straightened up a little when he saw the seriousness in her eyes. The worry, the stress. Gods, she must have really worked herself up over this.

“Alright, okay. I’m not training tomorrow” he murmured gently, reaching up to tuck away a strand of her hair that fell out of the meddled up hairstyle.

She breathed out, nodding.

Sweet girl.

There was an aspect of vulnerability to their relationship that made it quite different from any other ones in their lives.

For example, Azriel was the only one who knew the true details of her past. Of why she acted the way she did when the subject came up, and he knew how to handle her when she got soft and sensitive about it too. And she let him. Only him.

It went the other way around as well.

She knew everything about his childhood and why now so often he kept to the corners and the shadows.

Why he sometimes felt as if he should not touch her with his bare hands. And she knew how to coax out his soft side, too. In fact, after a while it started coming out around her against his own will. And after a while, he started to love it, how safe he felt around her.

But there were corners of his mind that Azriel was still too wary to let even her into. Corners that he visited in his nightmares and in his darkest moments, but ones that somehow felt all too powerful over him.

That’s why when a heavy silence encapsulated Azriel’s darkened bedroom, when the air became heavy and both their breathing shallow, when the pair realized just how close they are to each other and she looked at him wide eyed, so expectantly, as if something groundbreaking were about to happen, lips already opening for him- He pulled away.

That was why he started some meaningless conversation, trying to ignore the way her face fell when he sat back, further away from her.

That was why he hated himself a little more than on his worst days as he told her minor details of the beginning of his mission, eyes not missing the water lining her eyes.

He swore, his shadows had never scolded him as much in his entire life as in that moment. And they were right to.

The conversation went on until Azriel succumbed to the tiredness of being wounded and fell asleep. She watched his breathing even out, and then stared at him for a little while more.

Then, she debated going back to her room to sleep, but quickly rejected that idea. What if something happened to his wound while he was asleep? No, she should stay. But it also felt wrong to lay next to him after he-

No, she must have misinterpreted the situation. Azriel would never try to-

Right?

She tried to dismiss the thoughts from her mind.

Gods, what was wrong with her?

She laid down in an armchair she had dragged to the side of his bed. Her best friend was hurt, and here she was thinking about kissing him. About how she wanted to but-. This is not the time and place.

Sleep wouldn’t claim her for a long time, so she resorted to sitting there and counting her best friend’s breaths. After a while, their steady rhythm pulled her eyelids to close.

The room was still dark when Azriel opened his eyes. Moonlight streamed in through the opened curtains.

Azriel hissed as he turned around. A sharp pain pulled at this stomach and he looked down to see bandages wrapped around his torso. The wound must not have fully healed yet.

His eyes took in his surroundings and the first thing he noticed was that the armchair pulled up to his bedside.

And the person in it.

With a furrowed brow Azriel took in his best friend, still dressed in her work dress, curled in the chair in a position that must have been uncomfortable to fall asleep in.

What was she doing? Why hadn’t she laid down next to him? Possibilities passed through his mind, and finally he landed on the most probable one - that she wanted to watch him while he slept without disturbing him.

He shook his head as he started getting up. Selfless girl.

Too selfless for her own good, if it meant she would have to deal with back or neck pain in the morning.

But her care was a sweet feeling that even after decades of knowing her felt strange to Azriel. Any other member of his family would’ve known he could patch himself up and not worry themselves into madness about one singular stab wound that was nothing new for him.

Because he would’ve been fine. He had no doubt that if something actually life threatening were to happen to him, his family would take care of him.

It was a sweet, strange feeling that she would care over things he discarded as insignificant. That anyone would ever enjoy taking care of him, and willingly take time out of their day to do so.

He breathed out through his nose as he reached down to scoop her into his arms.

He hoped she wouldn’t wake, if only because she would scold him from carrying her when wounded.

And as he laid her on his bed, he thought about how there was one part of her he would probably never understand.

That unfiltered, unprecedented care she had for him. He knew he reciprocated it, that it went both ways, but somehow her care towards him seemed greater.

Maybe it was because he was harder to love. There were many more ugly sides to him that she frankly lacked.

Maybe because sometimes when he touched her he could feel that ugliness actually seep into her skin.

By the Mother, if he were any less of a selfish male he would’ve stopped this a long time ago. But neither did he have the honour to make her aware of his darkness, as cheap as that may sound, nor did he have the guts to make her his fully.

He couldn’t bear to taint her. Not as he looked at her face pressed into his pillow. Not as he thought about how soft her skin was under his fingertips. And certainly not as he thought about the endless streams of tears she let out as she seeked comfort and safety in him because of how badly she was treated by the people meant to love her.

She entrusted herself to him and he was to ruin her with himself, now?

He ran a hand through her hair as he felt his own hatred for himself run deeper and deeper.

Sometimes, in his worst nightmares, he saw something horrible happening to her. Such a tragic incident would make her his match. In his worst nightmares, she always knew that it was all his fault, and still decided to stay. Putting herself on a clear path to destruction, for him.

And, truth be told, he didn’t know what to make of it. What to do. This was one of the only areas in his life, where Azriel felt stuck.

He was hers, for eternity and he has known that for a very long time. But there was a part of him that couldn’t let her do that to herself. That couldn’t let her accept the curse of loving him.

Could he protect her from himself? Did he want to?

He used to think that he could accept this, whatever they had. Whatever form of friendship or relationship she would offer, he would grab handfuls of.

Now, however, he knew there was a problem that made his chest tighten, heart rate pick up and scarred hands clench and unclench when in close distance to her.

The impatience that grew simmering hot in Azriel, waiting to spill over.

taglist: @blonde-bansheee @k-homosapien @azysmate @brekkershadowsinger

if you want to be added, let me know here

i saw this:

and thought it would be fun to actually work that out. so

^^^ every doctor who episode in chronological order

(pls let me know if theres any mistakes! i got most of the info from the tardis wiki so idk if its 100% accurate)

btw!!! the episodes are ordered by where they go FIRST in the episode :) (PLEASE STOP TELLING ME TO PUT UNEARTHLY CHILD FIRST THEYRE IN 1963 FIRS TPLEASEEEEEYEGEHFEHFYUFHGEUYS)

Raindrops ||Steve Rogers/Reader||

Summary: Steve is in love with you. Always was. But he keeps avoiding you for weeks. Will it be too late for him to tell you?

Genre:Angst

Fandom: Captain America, Marvel

Disclaimer: This is an oneshot(maybe)

A/N: Is it called self-harm when you’re writing Stories that make you cry for hours?

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Steve wasn’t an open character when it came to love. Someone else would make it obvious by looking at this one person for hours smiling but Steve didn’t. Steve was hopelessly in love. Only Natasha knew what was happening with him. She knew men. But Steve’s situation was unnatural. He didn’t looked at the one he loved with blushes or cute smiles. He was just leaving the room without saying anything. He walked away. Natasha of course didn’t tell anything. Steve wasn’t trying to make a move. He was scared and lost. Afraid that he might end up hurting you.

Steve saw you walking in to the room and made his way out, but you cut him by grabbing his arm. He stopped studying your face. Trying to memorize everything about you. He could draw you later or sleep and dream about you.

“Why are you avoiding me?” He didn’t speak. He left.He walked away. You stood to the room alone looking at the wall. You didn’t realize the tears falling down your face. “Steve!” You shout waiting for his reply. “Steve! Come over here!” He just stood in the living room in the couch of the famous Avengers Tower watching the news. Today the news were talking again about the refugees in the Mediterranean Sea. Small, innocent kids and their parents losing their homes everyday cause of the war. Some of them losing family members, even themselves. “Steve we need to talk.” He walked away.

****

“Y/n Y/l/n, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff and Tony Stark. Please get ready for your mission. Five minutes.” The director of s.h.i.e.l.d spoke.

“Steve. Can we talk?” He just looked at you and then continued looking at his clock.

“Four minutes y/l/n.” You locked eyes and raised an eyebrow.

“That’s the longest talk we had in weeks.” Silence. “Did I do something wrong?” You asked and he shook his head. “Just say something to me! We haven’t talk in weeks and all you do is pretend that everything’s ok!” He walked away. You sighed and looked down shaking your head.

****

“Just talk to her. Avoiding her for weeks doesn’t make things worse.” Natasha told to her blond friend. “Do it before it’s too late. Do it before you regret why you didn’t.”

“You don’t understand. Everything I touch gets hurted. I don’t want to hurt her. If I just enter her life like that I will ruin it.” The redhead woman gave him a sad smile.

“Steve I’m sure, you’ll make your both lives better. Can’t you see? You’re in love with each other.” He nodded. His blue eyes looking at you now.

“I will do it after the mission. I promise.”

****

You ran to the field avoiding the bullets flying through you. You had a mission and you needed to finish it. Even though that meant getting injured. The three of the hostages you needed to save were now dead. You couldn’t risk another one to get killed of. Eleven. You heard from your comm and lost it. Eleven people got killed. Eleven people you couldn’t save. So concerned to the mission. So concerned about other people’s lives.You fell to the ground holding your wound. The world and the noise were becoming a faded picture in your ear. The only thing you felt was pain. The only thing you could hear was a scream. Raindrops were falling to your body.

*****

“Hey Y/N. I just want to tell you that I love you. I always did. But I never got the chance to tell you. Forgive me about everything I did. Alright darling?” Steve stood above your grave, the raindrops mixed with his own tears. “I should have told you.” Now he stood in one knee holding a ring, placing it next to the flowers he brought you earlier. “I love you.. Why did you leave me? Why did you not stay here with me? I need you y/n.” He realized that time passed. “Goodbye my lover”.

Spoilers for Stange New Worlds S02E01

I'm just wondering about Pike's reaction when someone told him what happend. You basically take 3 day's off to do some important shit and your crew steals your ship, (tbh he is probably not surprised about it) your first officer almost starts a war with Klingons (this seems to be a family trait for them), gets drunk, hires new chief science officer and hangover calls Admiral April in the meantime two of your subordinates who are essential personel take some green drug juice and almost freeze to death in space escaping Klingons and it's only on day one. I haven't written fanfiction since High school especially in English because it's not my first language but for this I may try 😅

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Reblog if you read/write fanfiction

Wattpad: lilith_the_spaz

Steve Rogers/Captain America Imagine

Title: When We Were Young Character: Steve X Fem!Reader Song to listen to (if any): When We Were Young by Adele Summary: After a shower, reader looks at all of the scars on her body from the war and remembers herself and Steve at that time. //

Y/N took a step out of the shower, quickly reaching for a towel as the cold, sharp air hit her naked body.

Drying herself off, she stared at the ugly, vulgar reminders of her time during the war, most of the scars on her body reflected everything she hated about herself. How many innocent lives she killed, how she always thought what she was doing was the right thing.

She let a small smile form on her face, remembering the first time she saw the star spangled man with a plan, it seemed like so long ago-when they were young.

She chuckled, how could she have been so blind to not realise the love she had for him the moment she saw him? How could she think that what she was doing was right?

‘You look like a movie You sound like a song My God, this reminds me Of when we were young’

She let a tear slip from her eye, something she had been doing a lot lately. Steve was so important to her, and she couldn’t believe how he had dismissed everything she had done-everything she once was.

'I was so scared to face my fears Nobody told me that you’d be here’

After she was put under the ice, she never dreamed of seeing him again-and then she met Tony Stark around 70 years later-heck, that was a crazy day.

Y/N and Steve soon reunited, she remembered that, too.

Y/N was so fortunate to have the Avengers in her life, the way Tony took her in, how Wanda treated her so kindly, how Clint watched out for her, how Natasha would take a bullet for her, how Buck would never let her go anywhere without protection.

She was most fortunate for Steve, how he loved her, and how she loved him.

She ran the soft towel over her rough skin and touched on one scar that she’d never forget about- the day her and Steve got married and someone just decided to blow something up. She grinned again, and let out a small, but loud laugh.

“Doll, are you okay?”, Y/N shot her head up at the sound of Steve’s voice rang through her ears.

“Yeah, I’m alright-be out in a second!”

She pulled the towel around herself tight and unlocked the door, meeting the eyes of her captain.

'You still look like a movie You still sound like a song My God, this reminds me Of when we were young’

//

This was my first little imagine that I’ve written, so if you so happen to be reading this, I hoped you enjoyed! I don’t write too much, but if you’d like to request or pop in an idea for any fandom whatsoever I’d be grateful! Cheers 😄 ~Alannah.

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. [ PETER PARKER x READER imagine ]

Peter Parker x Reader 

Prompt : [y/n] can’t sleep because of the noise from the party coming from the appartment above hers. She decided to go confront her new neighbor.

Warnings : Swearing [woops] , mention of fight, blood.

Be indulgent with me, it’s the first thing I write in TWO freaking YEARS, feedback is always appreciated

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The music was blasting in the whole residency. It was almost 1 A.M. when she was waken up by disturbance coming from the appartment above hers. “ Welcome to the Queens, “ she growled, putting her duvet on her face. It’s been two weeks only since she moved in this neighborhood with her father and she already regretted her father’s choice of career. First, she moved out of Maine, where she was borned and raised, then he decided to accept the promotion his job offered him, clearly the appartment was bigger than the last one, but he had a lot more hours to work. [y/n] has been busy all that time by getting the stuff out of the boxes, store all that business and by throwing out the box, discover the neighborhood a little.  She glanced at her room, cursing at the noise’s responsible. It was the last day of the holidays and even if she knew she couldn’t sleep well with the idea of passing her last high school year without her friends, surrounded by unknowns people, she would rather be in silence. She turned her back and try to get back to sleep. One hour later, music was still on. She sat up straight, ready to kill someone. She was a very calm person, but better not risk to piss her off. And she was, pissed off. She put off some sweetpants, an Iron Man sweatshirt, her sneakers and decided to go visit her so-lovely neighbor. She closed the door with her keys and she climb up the stairs two by two. In front of the door, she changed her mind, saying to herself that she better not start to argue with the neighbors, at least for her dad. She was about to turn her heels, when she heard a group of people, apparently drunk, shouting from the other side of the door. She fumed. “ Never mind, I’m probably not the only neighbor who is pissed off. “ she tried to reassure herself. She banged several times on the door before a boy opened it. He was quite young, probably the same age as her. The hair were messy, the eyes were browns, and there were a stupid grin on his face. She looked at him sternly, understanding that he was quite loaded. “ - You’re the one living here? She asked - Yes, Yes, that’s me, to whom have I-I the honor?” We could sense how concentrated he was to answer. “ - Me, your new neighbor from below. It’s more that 2 A.M. So do a favor to everyone living here and shut the music please “ she blurted. She astonished herself ; she kept her temper while saying everything she wanted to say. Well done, [y/n]. She looked at him fixedly until he react. He let out a curse and an apology and went into the meanders of his appartment full of people. After a few seconds, she heard the music being shut and people complaining at the host. He came back after a moment without failing falling on someone, before reappear in front of her. “ - Thank you neighbor, I- “ She was cut by people leaving his appartment, greating your neighbor, wishing him a good night. They shoved him a little and she took a step back, not wanting to know the same fate. He grumbled about the cleaning and put his attention on her “ - I don’t remember your name, new neighbor, he joked - It’s because I didn’t gave it to you, neighbor. By the way, nice buddies, very helpful for the cleaning. - That’s not really my “buddies”, they’re mostly high school colleagues, in fact. I had the appartment for myself so I thought “ well, I can have a party”, “ he muttered, looking at his feet. She sighed and start to go away. “ - Well, I have to go, neighbor, but remember that just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Good luck for cleaning this mess. “ She waved at him before go down the stairs. “ - Thanks! I’m Peter…. by the way “ he called before heading home. He scratched his head, admiring the terrible mess left by his “friends”. He started cleaning up, fearing her aunt’s coming home early. Spider-man would have trash to take out tommorow. 

She had the occasion to see him the next day. Happened that Peter Parker and her shared a few classes, in this new high school which was very much the same at her last. Peter was well different from the person she had met the day before. He was more of a loner and the people leaving his appartment yesterday , acted like they didn’t knew him. He had raised his head when she presented herself in class in the first period, recognizing the young woman he talked with the day before. She chatted with a few classmates and ate with them at midday. Even in Maine or here in New York, the schema was the same : sports guys’ table, cheerleaders’ table, geeks’s table, loners’ table, gothics’ table,etc.. She sighed, she wasn’t the type to girl to worry about thoses clichés, but she had to admit she felt lucky that she never been on the bottom of the social ladder. Even if she never had been of the top neither, thankfully. The idea of being the cliché girlfriend of a football player made her want to throw up. After lunch, she excused herself to go to the toilets. She put some fresh water on her face, to give her some courage for the rest of the day. While she was coming out of the toilet, she heard a thud from the other wall. She took a look before coming out, and saw a little crowd of football player in front of a locker. “ So Parker, you didn’t thanked me for bringing people to your party? Without me, I think you would have spend the night with your calculator! “ A player said, laughing, she remembered one of her classmate calling him Flash. She took a step aside , seeing Peter, blocked by Flash’s arm against one of the locker. Peter didn’t seemed to be bothered by the situation and kept the silence, which happened to anger the other. “ You seriously going to let me hit you without reacting? I’m more dissapointed by you that I already was Parker. “ he slipped in a surly tone.We could feel that his ego was touched, caused by the silence treatment Peter was giving him. Peter grinned, knowing he would pissed off the other and that he was going to get punched. He was waiting for the impact, but it didn’t come. Instead, a voice resonated behind Flash and his band. “ - Hey guys, can I get a high five? Because, attacking a personne and being four ? No, realy, what bravery, I applaud. “ [y/n] dropped, trying to be as cynic as possible. - Get away, newbie, you don’t want to have us on your back on your first day, do you ? Barked one of Flash’s sbire. - Oh yes, I’m going now, I’m impressed. Excuse my imprudence, she quipped, doing a little bow. Flash let go of Peter’s collar and came dangerously close from [y/n]. “ - Wanna play smart ass, but now, what are you’re gonna do? Saying, trying to get as close as he could from her, his hands in tight fists. - I let you the honnor to start, I’m not use to start fights. “  She felt her face going on the right side as she watched Flash fist moving, a smile on his face, obviously proud of himself. [y/n] smirked, touching her lip. She looked at her bloody thumb and smiled. He had managed to really pissed her off.  “ On the other hand, I’m used to finish them “ she slipped before catching her shoulder. As Flash reverted his attention to her, she made an arm lock and managed to get him strap up on the floor. She landed four well-placed punch, one at his cheekbone, one at his nose, another one at his jaw and the last one at his brow bone. She stood up normally, looking at the others. “ Who’s next “ she peered. The others apologized and get Flash back before leaving, under [y/n]’s smile. She then turned to Peter, still standing at the locker. She surprised herself by being afraid of his reaction, but been even more surprised when this one applause. “ - Well, I’m glad I turned down the music last night, he laughed - Instead of taking danse class, my father had me teached how to defend myself. Even if the danse classes I took after helped me to associate elasticity and defense. “ she chortled, realizing that she was telling her life to a complete stranger. But weirdly, she liked that Peter Parker, there were something mysterious about him that she enjoyed. He laughed and become serious again while looking at her face. “ But you should get some water on your lips because you’re bleeding well” He stuttered, not really knowing what to do. She carried her hand back to her lips, and laughed while whipping the blood, leaving Peter and going back to the toilets.She put some water on her lips and a few minutes later, the bleeding had stopped. She came out and was surprised to see Peter waiting for her.He scratched his head and as he was about to talk, the bell rang in the hallway, now full of people. They went silently to they classroom and take their places. The end of the day came quickly, Peter and [y/n] could admire Flash pushing everyone on his way. It was sure, his ego has took a big ass punch. [y/n] spend her way back home talking to Peter, they went along quite well. She talked to him about a movie, and she asked him if he wanted to come to her appartment so she could lend him the DVD and he accepted. Coming home, she was surprised to see the door unlocked but felt relieved when she saw her dad’s imposing stature in the kitchen. “ - Dad it’s me! I didn’t expected you this soon! she exclaimed, hugging her dad from behind.Peter took a look of the appartment living room and turned back when he heard [y/n]’s dad laughed. - You think I was going to miss your first day of class? He laughed but his smile dissapeared when he looked at his daughter. What happened? Did you get into a fight? - Yes.But nothing serious.You should see the other one’s face. You know I can take care of myself, she hinted trying to ease her dad. It was the case. - Just because you can doesn’t mean you should , he protested, ruffling her her. “ She groused before remembering her neighbor’s presence.  “ - By the way dad, this is Peter Parker, we have a few classes together and he lives on the apartment above us. Peter, this is my dad. “  She stepped aside and left the two men chat while looking for her DVD. “ - Nice to meet you kid, I’m mister Castle, but you can call me Franck. - Nice to meet you Sir “ he stummered, shaking his new neighbor’s massive hand. “ [y/n] reappeared giving Peter the DVD and they went to the door. “ - You’ll tell me your opinion! - No problem! See you tomorrow, warrior “ he joked before heading home. He was greeted by his aunt, who questionned him about how his day went. He answered quickly, claiming having a lot of homework. In his room, he thought about how crazy this day has been, mostly about the encounter with [y/n]. She exuted something special and her reflexes where on point. He laughed quietly, wondering if she could stand before Spiderman. After he was done with his light homework, and that he was sure her aunt was going out for her night shift, he put on his hero’s costume. As Peter Parker, he had time to think about his aunt, his studies, the bullies who thought they were scaring him, about [y/n]. But as Spiderman, he had to put thoses things aside. Especially since a few days, the human spider had found a new enemy. What was at first an urban legend just litteraly came alive. Coming back to the Queens, where he was born, the man was following no rules and allowed himself to kill a lot of people, from the mafia for sure, but people still. He was webbing from buildings to buildings and landed on a rooftop. It dominated the city, and he could listen to the police’s radio so he could find that man. He was easy to be identified, this man has been awarded the nickname ; the Punisher.

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If you’re reading this THANK YOU SO MUCH. Feedbacks are always appreciated. Feel free to tell be what you think, if you want a part two. My request box is open, so if you have imagine / preferences ideas, submit! xx

Lakeside picnic

Note: Steve surprises you with a picnic by the lakeside. When you’ve eaten, Steve thinks it’s a good idea to go swimming, but you soon have to tell him you can’t because you don’t know how do swim.

“I could lie here forever with you,” Steve mumbled into the side of your neck.

You giggled as his breath tickled your skin, “Oh, I wish we could, Steve,” You rolled over onto your stomach and propped yourself up on your elbows, “But remember the last time we got home late? I am not sitting through another one of Sam’s lectures about being ‘safe’?”

Steve laughed as he stood “You’re right, sweetheart,” He reached out his hand to you, “But there’s one more thing I need to do before we go. Are your pockets empty?”

You raised your eyebrow, “Yes… Why?” You answered as you took his hand to get up. Instead of responding, Steve lifted you off the ground and threw you over his shoulder in one swift motion.

You screamed at the sudden movement, “Put me down Rogers!”

You felt Steve’s chest rumble as he laughed, “Relax, Y/N, I won’t drop you,” He said as he moved away from the picnic rug, “…Yet,” You could imagine the grin on his face as he said it.

Your eyes widened as you neared the lake and you realised what he was about to do, “No, Steve! I can’t–”

Before you could finish, you felt yourself and Steve tumbling into the water, making a loud splash.

You could feel as you separated from Steve under the water, reaching you arms out desperately to try and grab him while trying to push yourself up to the surface.

Steve’s arms finally found their way around your torso to lift you up above the water you were gasping for air.

“Y/N? Y/N, breathe,” Steve said, still holding onto you as you both floated in the water. He emphasised his breathing in hopes that you would follow along, and it started to work as you felt your heart rate slowing back to a normal pace.

You finally caught you breath back enough for you to speak, “I’m sorry, Steve, I’m just… Not comfortable in the water.”

Steve laughed, “I get it, going in fully clothed isn’t the comfiest thing to swim in, right?” He looked up at you, “Y/N?”

You lowered your head, shaking slightly as you began to sob. Steve gently stroked your cheek, beckoning you to look up at him. But you kept your gaze firmly planted downwards. He kept his hand securely on your arm the entire time, “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

You shook your head.

“You can tell me anything, Y/N. You know that.”

You finally looked up at him, “I… I can’t swim, Steve,” You said finally, feeling embarrassed, “I didn’t want you to think I was pathetic.”

Steve was silent for a moment before he lifted your chin and dried your tears away, “Come here,” He said, pulling you closer to him as he gently lead you both back to the grass.

He ran quickly to fetch a towel from the picnic basket and wrapped it around you before gesturing for you to sit on the grassy bank.

Steve draped his arm around your shoulder, “I’m sorry I dragged you into there, Y/N. If I knew how much danger I was putting you–”

“It’s not your fault, Steve. Really,” You said, “I just… I didn’t want you to think anything less of me for knowing that I can’t even swim.”

“Hey, it’s not easy,” He smiled, “And I would never think of you differently over something like that,” He waved his hand, “You’re still my best girl, Y/N,” He leaned down and kissed your forehead.

“I don’t think that towel is doing you much good though,” He observed. You looked down and saw you were still drenched.

“It’s fine, I’ll just have to air dry,” You smiled.

“Or we could go back in the water?” A playful grin appeared on his face.

“But Steve–”

“It’ll be fine, Y/N. I’ll give you a piggy back,” He winked as he took your hand and moved back towards the lake.

Doing this to prove a point to my mum

Reblog if you think you can have a fulfilling relationship without sex.

After All This Time Pt.2

Requested?: Yes.

 Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky and the reader dated in the 40′s, and after Bucky’s death she ends up getting iced with Cap, and becomes an Avenger. Bucky then finds out the reader is alive.

Warnings: Civil War spoilers (maybe??) Language.

Word count: 1,455

A/N: FINALLY. I’m so sorry this took forever. I promise I’ll try to update the next part sooner. I know this is nothing, but I think shit is gonna start to go down next chapter. Make sure to follow if you liked this and wanna know when I update. Also, gif isn’t mine, all credit goes to owner.

My Masterlist 

Feel free to request anything by sending an ask to my inbox! (Please check if requests are still open before requesting!)

Part 1

After All This Time

Ever since Bucky’s death sleep had become your worst enemy. It was as if your body didn’t want you to sleep, and even when it did, your mind tormented you with horrible nightmares, all about Bucky’s death.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y?” You called out into the darkness. On nights like this when you had no company you entertained yourself by talking to the computerized A.I.

“Yes, Ms. Y/N?” The robotic lady-like voice responded.

You closed your eyes, clutching the sheets to your chest. “Do you think I’ll ever see Bucky again?”

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