Bring Me To My Knees (Pt. 3)

Bring Me To My Knees (Pt. 3)

Summary: Bucky accidentally demolishes your house. With nowhere else to go, you move in with him. 

Prologue [1] [2] 

Warnings: minor Civil War spoilers, a teeny bit of angst 

Word count: 2000 

 A/N: Let me know how this chapter is! It’s a lot more mellow than the other ones but I hope you guys like it the same ^^  Happy reading~

Tagging: @pleasecallmecaptain @waitingfortherightpartner @procrastinatingvirgo @soivebuiltupaworldofmagic @inhyoungchan @plzstoptalkingnow

He doesn’t know what he expected, but when Bucky woke up you weren’t in the fort beside him. And sure, he definitely hoped you would be (so he could squeeze a few extra minutes of you in his arms before he had to go on pretending like every sideways glance didn’t send his chest throbbing) but maybe it was better this way.

It was definitely better this way.

Bucky found you sitting on the kitchen counter, sifting through the folder he recognized from the day before.

“What’s that?” He nodded to the papers in your hands.

“Morning to you too.” You grumbled jokingly, to which Bucky rolled his eyes and walked over to the fridge to find some breakfast.

“It’s - well it’s gonna sound really weird if I tell you.” You closed the file and put it on the counter beside you, swinging your legs around to face Bucky.

“You’re not reading up on my 30’s days to try and see what type of girls I like, are you? ‘Cause I can promise you fit that profile just fine.” Again with the flirting; Bucky wanted to shudder.

“Definitely not.” You laughed, which, in hindsight, was worth his awful attempt at a pickup line.

“So then what? It can’t be that bad.” You shrugged, waiting for him to come out from behind the open fridge door. He pulled out a jar of marmalade and yanked a loaf of bread out from a cupboard smoothly, almost like a dance. It was nice seeing Bucky move like he was sure of himself, the only other time it happened was when he fought.

“Okay, fine.” You huffed, turning your eyes to the hem of your shirt and playing with it. “So you obviously know about my powers, the whole electromagnetic wave thing?” Bucky made a noise to say he did.

“Well I found out about it because of a fight with my family. One second I was furious and the next no one in the room remembered who I was.” You rubbed your arm awkwardly, a little too worried to glance up at Bucky.

“That’s when Fury found me, and I thought it would just be easier to let them live without me. But I don’t want to live without them, so I have Maria keep track of them from time to time. This is just the newest report.” You tapped on the thick beige paper and chanced a look at your roommate.

Bucky was frowning, not in an ‘I feel bad that you’re so weird’ way but in an 'I know exactly how that feels’ way. He knew what it was like to wake up one day and not have anyone to go to. He also knew what it was like having your memories erased, and he wished he could do something to help your family recover them.

“I’m sorry,” He placed his flesh hand on your thigh and rubbed comfortingly, thoughtlessly. “how are they doing?”

You gave him a small smile and flicked open the cover, sharing pictures and cliff notes on their lives with him. Bucky should’ve been looking at the file, he kept telling himself to just take your eyes off her, you can’t pull her into a hug. And he really wanted to hold you close and make sure you really were okay, because he’s seen sad eyes like those before and he hated when you were sad. If he could do anything to make you feel better - hug you, braid your hair, cook for you, force your family to remember you, hell he’d go back in time and stop it from happening if you’d asked him to - he’d do it all without hesitation.

“My sister’s pregnant!” You smiled wide but Bucky could see the tears building up. He thought that’s what he would be doing too, if he had news of his sisters back with Hydra. He squeezed your knee and smiled back; he couldn’t do much, but sometimes you said happiness was contagious, so maybe he could make you feel better with this.

“Congratulations.” He stopped his hand from reaching up to cup your cheek, swallowing the action down like Asgardian ale.

—-

“Tony you moron, I told you to go right!” You could hear Tony snicker into the comm, if he weren’t 400 feet above ground you’d be ready to punch him.

“You know, you’re really good at this directions thing Y/N, wanna voice my GPS too?” You nearly growled as you watched the monitor in front of you, seeing the little blip that was Tony turning around and making a right.

“A little help might be nice, if you two’re done bickering.” Nat called in, probably busy kicking more ass than Tony had all week.

“He’s on his way. Buck you’ve got incoming, the door to your 6.” You announced, following the small bundle of dots as they moved in on Bucky.

You worked the comms more often than not, only because your power wasn’t a pick and choose type thing. If you used your powers around your team mates they’d be out just as fast as the bad guys, so you either worked by yourself or took charge of behind the scene orders like you were now.

“Got 'em. Where to next?” He asked with a grunt.

“Northeast. There’s a room connected to the one you’re in now.” You watched him walk towards the sectioned off area on your blueprint.

“There’s no door, you sure this is it?”

“Yep, get in there soldier.” Someone on the line was snickering again. Tony.

There was a huge smash - Bucky’s fist through the wall - and he was in.

“What’s in there?” You asked, watching Bucky’s dot on the screen ping in the same place for a solid minute.

“Bucky?” No one made a sound. You couldn’t even hear him breathe, it was like someone hit pause.

Because he couldn’t move, couldn’t make a sound. His heart was hammering and pictures of everything were flashing like cameras on the red carpet.

“желание” It started, heavy boots echoing in his memories.

“ржаветь” He could taste the blood in his mouth, seeping from his tongue just after being wiped again.

“семнадцать” He flexed his fingers, made a tight fist, flexed again. The cryo made it hard to move, the cold breeze in the room wasn’t helping.

“рассвет” His breath was shaky, a product of his reluctance to lose control.

And then it was your voice, saying his name. Bucky, not Soldat, not Winter Soldier, and suddenly it was easier to shake off the flashbacks.

One blink and his superior was gone. Two and the straps hugging his wrists disappeared. On the third he was back in the Hydra Base with Nat, Tony, and most importantly, you.

“Ready to comply.” He growled lowly, tearing the red journal that started his trip down memory lane off of its pedestal and stuffing it into his pocket.

“Barnes what’s your status?” You were clearly on edge, worried that something happened to him and whatever it was hadn’t registered on your screen.

“We’re good to go.” His voice was strained, gruff, but he was trying to make it sound casual. Trying to pretend like he wasn’t a loaded gun ready to go off at the sound of a couple words. Trying not to think that whoever got a hold of the scarlett book in his pocket would also have a hold on him.

“What happened back there?” Nat met him in an empty hall on their way out of the building, having been sent by you to figure out what went wrong.

“Nothing, I took down the wall and grabbed the book.” Bucky shrugged, walking a little faster to try and avoid the conversation.

“It took you five minutes to break down some drywall?” She asked, not falling for the lie for a second.

“No, but my comm shorted and I didn’t wanna do anything stupid like wander around without eyes on the place.”

Natasha sighed, sure that he wasn’t telling her everything but knowing he wouldn’t speak to her unless he really wanted to. Bucky was more stubborn than a mule, surprisingly, he was more stubborn than she was.

Bucky kept his mouth shut for the remainder of the trip.

—-

It was late. Dark enough outside to need a flashlight if you wanted to stray from the streets. Bucky was almost 100 percent sure you were asleep, and he was more than 100 percent sure that he should be too, but he couldn’t.

Every time he closed his eyes all he saw was red; the leather of the notebook, the sticky liquid that used to drown his hands, the colour that clouded his vision when they handed him a rifle and told him the name of another target, another victim.

He guessed it really wasn’t much of a surprise that you were awake, because his pacing in the living room did seem a little louder than he would’ve cared to be under other circumstances. He didn’t even notice your head peaking out of the bedroom door until his name left your lips - soft and sweet and totally undeserving of that caring tone.

He stopped in his tracks, flicking his eyes to yours for a second before averting them right back to the couch. His jaw was clenched, but he forced out a smile.

“You’re up real early.” He joked, strained. You frowned and tiptoed out of the room, eyes watching him so softly he would’ve thought you were admiring a sleeping puppy. Your hand ran over his arm, rubbing some of his anxiety out with your touch.

“What’s going on Buck?” He swallowed, taking a second to appreciate how his thoughts were dissipating with your presence.

“What do you mean?” He was hardwired to avoid answering questions, he really couldn’t help it.

“You know what I mean.” You sighed, but looked up at him patiently all the same. “What happened today?”

Bucky clenched his jaw again, he didn’t want to think about the words or the book or the assholes who made him do all those things. He didn’t want to remember.

“All it takes is ten words for me to lose control. Ten little words and someone’s life is over. Ten words and I have another memory that I don’t want to live with.” You were tangling your fingers with his now, lightly pulling him to the kitchen behind you. You sat him down on the counter, your favourite seat, and pushed some of his hair behind his ear softly.

“We have the book now Buck, no one’s gonna use those words on you again.” You reassured, fingers lingering against his skin for added comfort.

“We don’t know that. SHIELD was compromised before, they might even do it themselves if there’s an enemy you can’t beat. I can’t trust anyone with those words Y/N, I don’t want anyone else to get hurt because of me.” He looked so broken, so worried and you couldn’t take it. Your hand cupped his cheek and pulled his forehead down so it leaned against yours. The intimacy seemed to help prove the dedication in your next sentence.

“I won’t let that happen. I promise Bucky, no one’ll ever use those words against you ever again.”

It was quiet for a while. Bucky couldn’t tell how long you stayed like that, eyes glinting with your stern promise and your nose just about touching his. All he knew was that when you pulled away he believed you.

“Now, how about some hot chocolate?” You twisted and pulled out a pot from under the stove. Bucky watched you with the hint of a smile, think about how much he lucked out with you. And God he loved you, more than he thought he’d ever love anything.

“Thank you.” It felt like he was thanking you for more than the hot mug you’d just placed in his hands. You smiled as warmly as the steaming milk in his cup and ruffled his hair.

“Anytime.”