One Of My Favorite Cold Opens

Streams and Blood Moons

i don’t know what to do

i can feel my bones cracking

my lifeless body clinging on to every little inch

of happiness, of breath,

of even the smallest movements i have

that remind me of you

because how could i ever forget

no matter what decision i try to make

no matter how much i try to fake

it just through the day

and i can taste what i ate this morning

and i can feel the tug on my back

and i can feel your pull on me from every side

i can feel you in my chest like i want to spit you up

and hold you so close at the same time

and i can’t sleep anymore

and sometimes i can’t even breathe

because you keep me there

in another world like i’m not really here

like i never have to sleep or breathe and

i can just be with you

growing like a rose

god, how could you let it be this close?

if you were really there why?

why would you give me this decision to make

to turn me into a murderer

make me into some torturer

of my own body and my own self care

just know you’ll always be a special one

you’ll always be my number one

my first, my always in debt

my knot around my finger so i never forget

but i can feel my body beneath me crumbling

i can feel my words fumbling

making the wrong things come out

making me scream and shout

when i don’t want to anymore

i don’t want to fight anymore

tumblr, meet Eden.

amazon.com

Your List

Your List

for shits and giggles, i guess.

Goodbyes

My parents told me when I moved out That this city is gonna kill me But I never listen to the ones that know better And I ran away with my sweater and a temper

I learned to live with smoky rooms and cheap perfume And the life left my eyes young and too soon I started spinning out at the steering wheel On your arm and around my head With whispers telling me I’m better off dead

I took lessons off the streets to these four walls I took your love for granted, but I took more than that And I started dipping my wrist but forgot to mention That there were never any bad intentions From the start but my insanity Got the best of me

Think I might have had one too many potions Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jack Ass took another shot at me But I blame myself for these crooked impulses

I wish instead of spitting this rhyme I could travel back in time I wish I could hold you one last time Kiss you again, stare into those deep, brown eyes

It’s clear that something’s gotta give But I’ll give everything to replace what I took And my last words to you just so you know I’ll always love you more than anything, and it’s clear I have to go

Written Feb. 16 2015

The Drinking Game

A wise friend once asked me Do you drink to remember, Or do you drink to forget? Me? I drink to sever and dismember All that fills my head with regret Those pieces in my mind that remind What I had in front of eyes so blind

I drink to forget my name It’s numbness takes away the constant pain Long enough to spark a bigger flame And watch another life blow up in smoke Right in my face And tether the tides Washed up in the storm on every side

I drink to forget it all Where I was this time last fall Where this beaten road says I’m going As long as I keep empty money flowing For all that’s about to start blowing My way in this Winter Wonderland of snow and ice Just gotta keep up with the price

I’m tripping all over my broken bottles And empty promises that started to rot On the inside, like my insides I drink to remember who I’m not

you severely underestimate my apathy - Wednesday Addams

I got drunk and took some selfies waiting for peanutbutterlung

Lights and Sounds

Feeling amped Let's take it back to camp I'll show you what's it's all about Hip bones jutting out Don't forget to scream and shout About it. Don't you know how I feel Because this is reality but it's not real You know I'm a big deal One day I'll go far See my name in lights like a shining star It's wearing off, I'm wearing thin Let's just hope I keep my real skin

Hippies welcome

The phone screen is the lamp… and we are all moths.