✨ The Ordeal of Being Known / 146k / When Auror Potter is anonymously cursed with silence by being forced to hide his own voice inside his mind, there's unfortunately only one person in the country with the qualifications to fix it: Certified and Licensed Healer Legilimens, Draco Malfoy, specialist in Mind Curses and Afflictions. It's obviously a terrible idea, a disaster waiting to happen, but Draco's never been able to back down from a challenge... especially from Potter.
Features fuzzy cartoon slippers, devious house elves, 90s music, and lots—LOTS—of memories. Ron is annoyingly hot, Hermione sees right through you, Harry is a powerful idiot, and Draco is a reclusive masochist that would buy an entire city if it would make a kid happy. (And Pansy is "5'2, I wanna dance with you, and I'm sophisticated fun.")
✨ A Wolfs Song / 52k / At 30, Draco Malfoy had worked hard to become a respectable citizen. He’d gotten his life together, however small it may be, and Draco was happy with its mundanity.
Except, that is, on Tuesdays.
On Tuesdays, Harry Potter visited his shop.
What begins as a budding friendship between an Auror and his healer turns into so much more after an attack changes the course of Harry’s life.
✨ Five Weddings and a Potions Accident / 19k / In which Harry thinks he’s a playboy, everyone else knows better, and Hermione will kill Seamus if Ron tries to collect on that bet.
✨ freely, as men strive for right / 17k / How can Harry love a man like Draco Malfoy?
If only Draco would let him count the ways.
(Sometimes, a happily-ever-after takes a bit longer than you expect.)
✨ The Four Doors / 48k / It’s been four months since Harry lost his memory. Four months of dead ends and no answers. With time running out until his memories are gone for good, Harry agrees to a course of Legilimency therapy with a renowned specialist: Mind Healer Draco Malfoy.
✨ And Back Again (Where You Belong) / 15k / He thought back on their previous handshakes, and smiled faintly at the fact they always seemed to mean so much more to him than they did to Potter.
✨ Tell Me the End at the Beginning / 36k / St Mungo’s is the last place anyone wants to spend the festive season. Harry finds himself there anyway.
Or: Harry's an Auror suspended from duty, Malfoy's wearing the hell out of three-piece suits, Hermione is entirely over everything, and Kreacher just wants to be left alone to decorate for Christmas.
A 25 Days of Draco and Harry story.
✨ If Memory Serves / 17k / What do you do when your schoolboy nemesis, who conveniently (or not) has no memory of the last two and a half decades of his life, is handed into your care?
You fall in love with him, of course.
✨ the space between (what you want and what you need) / 13k / As a specialist Healer in dark magic, Draco has had his fair share of difficult cases and awkward patients. Still, nothing has prepared him for a curse-paralysed Harry Potter.
✨ A Half Life, A Cursed Life / 48k / Harry Potter has decided to die. Draco Malfoy may be the only one who has noticed.
This is so so beautiful god 💕
Some Harry Potter stuff
insane ass tomarry book quotes we dont talk abt enough
Not Sirius and Crookshanks being besties in PoA lmao—
My girl has her loyalties straight.
✨ Aura Reader / 311k / Harry is in Sixth year. He has the Potions textbook formerly belonging to the 'Half-blood Prince.'
Within the pages of that notebook is a mysterious spell, one which gives Harry a new insight into the emotional state of those around him.
Naturally, when Harry finds Malfoy in a bathroom, crying, and in great distress... well, what can you expect of a person known for his 'saving people thing'?
✨ You look the way I feel / 108k / Draco returns for his eighth year at Hogwarts in an attempt to salvage whatever he can of his future. His plan:
sit as many N.E.W.T.s as possible, distance himself from the Malfoy name, and keep out of trouble. Of course, with his father on trial and at risk of unthinkable punishment, not to mention the anxiety-fueled "episodes" that have been plaguing him since summer, the school year doesn't go so smoothly.
Especially when Harry Potter keeps seeking him out.
✨ Predictable Little Curses / 14k / Two single fathers. One rather inconvenient bonding spell.
✨ The Trouble with Wanting / 60k / Draco Malfoy is cleared of all charges; this is what happens next.
✨ Sex and the Art of Castle Maintenance / 14k /
"Come on, boys," Zabini drawled. "You're only delaying the inevitable."
Trouble always had a way of finding Harry, and eighth year was obviously going to be no exception.
✨ Oxytocin / 179k / Draco Malfoy cannot sleep. If he keeps going like this, he will go mad, or die, or both.
For some reason, though, he can sleep whenever Harry Potter is with him. And Harry Potter is nothing if not a helper to those in need.
✨ Knickers in a twist / 86k / Draco loses a bet to Pansy and Blaise which leaves him wearing a skirt for a whole week. Harry discovers something about himself.
✨ Passably Wrecked / 4k / "Potter," Malfoy says, sitting down next to him at breakfast. "I think we should have sex."
✨ move fast, keep quiet / 8k / Harry's good at his job. He likes his job.
He'd be pretty satisfied staying at his job for the rest of his life. Whether they'll allow him to stay in his job after punching his boss' nephew square in the face is another story.
Well, Harry figures that the bastard shouldn't have been spewing such filth about Malfoy, anyway. If he privately thinks the very same lewd things about his enemy-turned-awkward-acquaintance, well, that's completely and utterly irrelevant.
*
Or, Harry and Draco aren't very good at using their words. Eye contact works for a while, until hands and mouths work considerably better at getting their points across.
✨ The Darkness Before the Dawn / 55k / A mysterious creature is loose in London, stalking and killing people.
Auror Harry Potter requests the help of a liaison from the Beast Division and gets saddled with Draco Malfoy. Will they be able to stop the creature before it claims more lives?
✨ Intention / 6k / Harry really ought to listen to whatever
Ron is saying, but it becomes impossible to focus when a familiar figure across the pub curls his fingers around another man's tie. And when that man leans in with a wolfish smile, Harry sees red, and all he can think is mine.
✨ A tangled mess / 16k / Ron remembers those days after the war, when he felt nauseous with grief.
When all he wanted was to hide from it, but it was everywhere. In George's blank, still shocked face. In his mother's hands, folding Fred's laundry carefully, to put it back in a drawer where it wouldn't be touched anymore. In his father's tears, hidden in the shed amongst the things he was forever tinkering with.
And then, there was Harry.
✨ Prelude and Fugue / 16k / It took over an hour, from the time Harry arrived at work, for him to realise just how different today actually was.
✨Somnia / 17k / From the time they're eleven years old, Ron is always there to help him find his peace in those dark and lonely hours of the night. Turns out, Harry has helped Ron find his too.
✨ Four Gallons of Oblivious / 17k / Ron is head over heels in love with his best mate, but it's going to take more than a horrendous orange sofa, painted pornography, and opening a shop together for him to let Harry know.
Written for the prompt: Best friends since day one, they decided to share a flat after the war. Can I ask for oblivious idiot(s) and mutual pining?
✨Strings Attached / 26k / It's not always easy to be secretly in love with your best mate, but Harry manages it well enough. At least, he does until a product gone wrong binds him to Ron's side for the foreseeable future.
✨sea green, see blue / 30k / Harry looks at him-nothing more, nothing less, just looks, for a moment, features unreadable yet distinctly soft, like he's laying eyes on something worth cherishing. The kicker, really, is that Ron can recognize the look already; Harry's looked at him like this before, many times, really, at breakfast or in class or at Hagrid's, the Burrow, Hogsmeade-it's how he looks at Ron, most of the time. Yet Ron isn't sure he's ever seen it quite this close, close enough to really take in the depth of it and the way it's like Harry's green eyes fill to the brim with affection. No one-and Ron means no one, not his mother, his father, his siblings, nobody-has ever looked at him like this before.
Only Harry has. And Ron's only just now realizing it.
✨Wish Fullfilment / 57k / A canon retelling of the original series from Ron's POV, but with a twist - every witch or wizard has a soulmark that reflects their soulmate's deepest desire.
Ron gets his at just five years old, but the words aren't what anyone expects.
Welcome to my ballsy series where I will prove to you, dear reader, that J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series and resident Twitter TERF, is actually a very, very poor writer.
And when I say ‘poor writer,’ I’m talking about her prose, her sentence structure, and her scenes. I am not going to discuss anything about the HP world nor the overall plot of the books.
This is all about the nitty gritty in the craft of writing itself.
Part One Link.
Disclaimer for all readers of this series:
I’m going to sound very confident in my posts where I work under the assumption I’m a better writer than JKR; because I am. My apologies if this rubs you the wrong way. You’re simply witnessing the culmination of over two and half decades of experience with the intensity from a neurodivergent who is hyperfocused on her special interest. I didn’t just learn how to create stories; I learned the craft of writing to a minutia of details.
I’m not a perfect writer. No one is. I’m not a talented writer either. I’m experienced and skilled through years of study and practice.
I don’t care about J.K. Rowling. At all.
If you’re triggered by the concept and fact that JKR is a terrible crafter of writing, then you might want to take a step back and self reflect on that personal issue.
I still very much love and adore Harry Potter; you’re still allowed to love Harry Potter.
This is not a series to bitch or bash. This isn’t a shitpost. This isn’t an attack on JKR, no matter the disgusting bullshit she spews forth on Twitter. However, my hope is people awaken to the fact that JKR isn’t the goddess of writing we’ve all been led to believe.
This is a place of study and learning, where the purpose is to help students gain critical thinking skills and writing analysis tools to become better in their craft.
And, sorry, one more disclaimer for this specific post:
Fanfiction is written for fun and is posted for free. I put most of my effort into my main fanfic, Terrible, But Great. (Yes, I intend to update Moon Rite soon, too) However, I also have two fanfics that are cowritten with another author; thus, the style of Shall I Stay and Badger Prey are understandably different. I spend three to four times the hours to edit a chapter versus drafting it. My process for fanfiction: I draft. I do one expansion edit. I do one proofread edit. I post.
However, if I were to publish a novel where people are expected to drop money on said book, my work flow would be vastly more extensive. To be clear, I’d do all of the following myself. I would not outsource. My process for published novels: I would draft. I would do three to four expansion edits. I would do two to three cutting edits. I would do three proofread edits.
See the difference?
Because I don’t go through a cutting edit for my fanfiction, I’ll often come back later and see things I think are weak. I’m constantly seeing where I can tighten my work. There’s always room for improvement.
Remember: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is a paperback book that costs $10. My fanfics are free. If I, someone who writes for free and puts what she considers the bare minimum of effort into them, have a higher standard in the quality of my writing than a paid traditionally published novelist, there’s a problem here.
All right, with that nonsense out of the way, buckle up, my writing friends. Grab a snack. Hydrate. Remember to take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. Let’s begin.
Class is in session.
In this post, we’re going to discuss these five pages from HP5 and dissect one paragraph and a line from page 731. All dialogue is highlighted in blue.
(My favorite book in the series, btw. I fucking love fifth year the most. JKR did a damn good job with Umbridge.)
Since a certain anon lacked the skill to comprehend the difference between too much dialogue and stories driven by a high saturation of dialogue, let's go into further depth about dialogue.
What did I mean last week when I said: "Too much fucking dialogue!"
Today’s lesson will focus on the overall issue in JKR’s dialogue and in the prose surrounding those dialogue lines.
And since, apparently, I “lack the self awareness” to know most of my fics are “oversaturated with dialogue,” I’m going to use weaker examples of my own writing. Chapter 24 of TBG is heavily driven by dialogue with twenty-one named characters to juggle, something that's very difficult for me to manage. Though the chapter is lovely, I do feel it's some of my weaker work. In the end, I just didn’t have the energy to edit it a second time nor go through cutting edit.
Here are three different pages (some connected, some not) from Chapter 24 of Terrible, But Great. All dialogue is highlighted in blue.
You can already see the difference, I'm sure.
So, what’s the difference between a scene that has 'too much fucking dialogue' versus a scene that is highly saturated with dialogue?
Let's set the scene for HP5. In the middle of an OWL exam, Harry received a vision from Voldemort, showing him that Sirius has been captured. He's being tortured to get something from a shelf, but Sirius refuses. Harry believes the vision is real. He tells Ron and Hermione, then asks for their advice on how to rescue Sirius. Ron and Hermione are both like, pardon, wtf, sir? (As they should be.)
We have five pages of this fight between them. These five pages are mostly dialogue with very little else surrounding it.
Also, note the final page where it has the worst sins of adverb usage. That page is what triggered me to begin writing this series in the first place, btw.
There's too much dialogue here. There's no description. I'm being told stuff, but I'm not being shown anything. There are no emotional anchors to Harry either. The more I reread this scene, the more I realized what was wrong.
Do not misunderstand me: it is NOT to say that Harry isn’t emotional here. It's that the prose doesn’t grip me, the reader, by the chest and twist my heart with his overwhelming emotions. The prose doesn't prove anything, doesn't show me anything. This is an intense, terrifying moment for Harry. It should feel visceral. It should feel tangible. I should be able to taste his fear.
We also don’t get too much information about the emotional states of Ron and Hermione. We have hints, of course. But we can’t feel them. The emotions of the scene are dampened, muffled, dull even.
With an untrained eye, you might disagree. It's okay. You'll see what I mean soon.
Page 731 exact quote:
"I dunno how," said Harry. "But I know exactly where. There's a room in the Department of Mysteries full of shelves covered in these little glass balls, and they're at the end of row ninety-seven...He's trying to use Sirius to get whatever it is he wants from in there....He's torturing him....Says he'll end by killing him..." Harry found his voice shaking, as were his knees. He moved over to a desk and sat down on it, trying to master himself.
(Btw, punctuation issue: you do not use an ellipsis and a period together and there should be a space after the ellipsis.)
This is the only instance in the five pages where we get any information about Harry's physical state.
And it's written in such a weak 'telling' instead of 'showing' way, too.
How and where was his voice shaking? How are his knees shaking? Are they knocking together in a weird way that's kind of physically improbable? Or was it actually his legs were shaking? Isn't he leaning against the door? If his weight was resting against the door, then there'd be less shaking in his knees or legs because his knees would be locked to brace his body against the door. His arms and hands would be shaking, though.
How does Harry master himself? What does that look like? Slow breaths? Running a hand through his hair? Rubbing his face and eyes? How is Harry mastering himself? Is it mentally? Then, where are those mastering thoughts? What are they and why do those thoughts in particular help Harry 'master' himself?
What's Harry's tone as he talking about Voldemort threatening to kill Sirius? How is Harry feeling about this? Give me MORE!
The dialogue is presented to the reader in a bland, empty fashion. Harry is relating something to Ron and Hermione. I could switch the dialogue out with anything and it'd still make sense.
There is little surrounding the dialogue to anchor it.
So, let's rewrite this, shall we?
"I dunno how," said Harry, letting out a shaky breath. His hands clenched into fists against the door of the classroom. "But I know where—they're in a room in the Department of Mysteries that's filled with rows of shelves holding these... weird little glass balls. They're in row ninety-seven. Voldemort, he's—" Harry's voice broke. His breath caught in his throat. The memory of the vision returned full force into his mind, the image of Sirius on the floor at Voldemort's feet stark in his mind. He ducked his chin; his chest inhaled in a desperate breath and the edges of his eyes burned. He's torturing Sirius—I can't just wait around. I can't lose him. Harry looked up at Ron, whose face had grown pale, while Hermione stared at him with wide, terrified eyes. The strength in Harry's legs weakened. "He needs Sirius to get whatever it is he wants and he's—" Harry sucked in a gasp, his voice trembling like an autumn leaf in a thunderstorm. "—he's torturing Sirius... says he'll kill him in the end." His knees buckled. Harry stumbled to the nearest desk; Ron reached out with a steadying hand on Harry's upper arm and silent gratitude filled Harry's heart. With shaky arms, Harry lifted himself onto the desk to sit and twisted around to face Ron and Hermione. He licked his dry lips, rubbed his eyes with a hand, and took slow, deep breaths to master his fraying emotions.
The original canon text has 57 words of dialogue with a total of 83 words.
My rewritten version uses 56 words of dialogue with a total of 247 words.
I'm going to drill this concept into your heads, my lovely students: this is what I mean when I keep saying JKR's writing is both bloated and underwritten.
I only rewrote a single paragraph and its following line. The five pages I've provided are filled with this kind of empty dialogue.
So, what have I done here? Can you see the difference? Can you feel the difference?
Let's analyze what I focused on in this scene to show Harry's body language and his thoughts. I upped the physical effects on Harry's body. His fear causes his voice to break in the middle of explaining what's going on. He's terrified of losing Sirius, the only father figure he's ever known. Voldemort might take another parental figure from him.
And now the prose reflects these feelings, not just in his thoughts, but also in how he speaks and reacts to what is around him. He is not just speaking at the reader.
Harry exists in his world.
And you can feel it.
When he stumbles to the desk, Ron is there for him. Hermione reacting could also be added here. There is a lot that can be added to this scene, if one wanted to expand this further.
Yes, what I've done has increased the word count, yet it strengthens this short moment—and I'd do this for the entire scene.
What I did to the scene is merely one version of its potential. It could be rewritten in a multitude of ways and go in various directions. I spent 10mins to 20mins on it. I haven't edited it or refined it.
Can you finally see what I mean now?
If you compare the highlighted pages of HP5 to the highlighted pages of Chp 24 of TBG, you can visually see the difference in the density of the dialogue. JKR is the one whose writing is oversaturated with dialogue. My writing will always be highly saturated with dialogue because my stories are character driven. I prefer stories like that. But I also need the dialogue to be interesting and engaging, where the character feels alive in their world.
When I say there's too much dialogue, this scene is such a good example of this because Harry, Ron, and Hermione are all over the place in their interactions with each other. Yes, you want your characters to sound realistic, but you're also the author curating an experience for the reader.
There's a balancing tightrope act between having realistic dialogue and unnecessary dialogue.
Lastly, if I were to improve the overall scene, I would center the focus on Harry's desperation to rescue Sirius. As Ron and Hermione try to talk him out of it, where Hermione delivers that iconic line of 'you have a people saving thing,' I'd have Harry explode with something like this:
"You don't know what's it like! You both have your parents—I-I don't... You'd feel the same as me if it were either of your parents being tortured by Voldemort, yeah? I can't lose him—I can't lose Sirius."
I'm not bothering with description around it right now. I just wanted to give the baseline dialogue to show you the theme I'd carry through this scene. It's all about Sirius. It's all about the fear of losing him. It's about showing the emotion of the character and making the reader feel that deeply.
And that's what matters the most.
All right then.
We have come to an end of Part Two in this series. We have discussed fives pages in JKR's Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. The pages in question are 731 - 735 should you wish to look it up and study the scene yourself.
And so, please do the world the greatest of favors and write better than J.K. Rowling. I promise, it's not that hard once you see the differences.
Until next time.
Isa
Thank you, I had a great time!
Huge thank you to all of our talented participants! We love and appreciate all your enthusiasm for bottom Tom | Voldemort content in this fandom. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Here is a list of all our fantastic entries this year! (Please comment here if you don't see your Tumblr @'ed, so we can add it!)
💚 Karma’s a bitch by @albondiguilla007 4,130 | Completed | E | Ship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle
Tom betrays Harry. Harry’s not happy about it.
💚 Resonating Souls by @endlessburningdarkness 4,063 | Completed | E | Ship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort
Minister Riddle has an unusually dream filled night.
💚 To Corrupt a Unicorn by beanclip 4,766 | Completed | E | Ship: Tom Riddle/Hepzibah Smith, Tom Riddle/Original Male Character(s)
Blood, fear, and ancient, untouched books. Amortentia.
💚 To be Entwined by @cyandenial 5,055 | Completed | E | Ship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle
Harry and Tom grew up together, and it's more than just a brotherly bond that connected them.
💚 as sweet as blood red jam by @cindle-writes 4,974 | Completed | E | Ship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle
Tom meets Harry for the first time at a Ministry function that Tom’s attending as Minister Diggory’s plus-one.
💚 delicatus by @cindle-writes 4,974 | Completed | E | Ship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle
Lord Voldemort is an instructive Lord-Father-God-Master-Papa.
💚 forgive me father by @cindle-writes 2,396 | Completed | E | Ship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle
Tom sneaks into his father’s bed and touches himself while Harry lies sleeping next to him, unawares.
💚 Pink Shorts by @crowcrowcrowthing 5,574 | Completed | E | Ship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort
Tom was very good at pilates. Harry had a problem with that.
💚 Aliquot (sequel to Pink Shorts) by @crowcrowcrowthing, @cindle-writes 4,644 | Completed | E | Ship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort
Harry and Tom continue fucking on every available surface.
💚 synoptic by @duplicitywrites 1,380 | WIP | E | Ship: Tom Riddle/Tom Riddle
Fifty years in isolation is enough to drive anyone a bit mad.
💚 Is It Baby Trapping if I Didn’t Actually Want to Trap You? by @dearestdo3 12,398 | WIP | M | Ship: Orion Black/Tom Riddle, Walburga Black/Orion Black, Walburga Black/Tom Riddle
Tom Riddle just wanted to scam Lord Black so he'll have enough money to run away from Wizarding Britain for good.
💚 french affair by @heyob 2,693 | Completed | E | Ship: Rodolphus Lestrange/Tom Riddle | Voldemort
Rodolphus Lestrange was willing to do anything to avoid getting married, even if he has to get caught fucking the Dark Lord.
💚 Premium Pussy by @hopeforthewitch 3,200 | Completed | E | Ship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle
Tom shouldn't, but he has favourites, case in point: James Black.
💚 Fake Boyfriend by J0305 2,432 | WIP | M | Ship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle
Tom needs a boyfriend, and Harry is the perfect one for him.
💚 Taking Feet Pics Is Serious Business by Just_praises 2,151 | WIP | E | Ship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle
Tom didn't think selling feet pics would end up sustaining his entire livelihood.
💚 Slow Soak by @lyceana 1,431 | WIP | E | Ship: Rubeus Hagrid/Tom Riddle, Whomping Willow/Tom Riddle
These tender roots need to soak in water. They'll slowly grow, but it will be worth the wait, or this it what he's praying for.
💚 Your Wish, My Command by @moontearpensfic 3,987 | WIP | E | Ship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle
Tom wants to deepen his relationship with his father. If only his "mother" wasn't in the way…
💚 throne sex by @zolpidem105 Art | Completed | E | Ship: Harry Potter/Voldemort
harry potter is an undercover auror. voldemort is lord voldemort.
💚 family friends by @reggieblk 12,279 | Completed | E | Ship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle
Harry had always considered Tom to be a little brother of sorts.
💚 Make a wish by @sri-verse 2,664 | WIP | E | Ship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Horcrux/Harry Potter
An attempt to fulfill an innocent childhood wish of a gold cauldron has some unforeseen consequences for Harry James Potter.
💚 i wanna have sex with you (your sweet caress won't do) by @ujiin 8,061 | Completed | E | Ship: Tom Riddle/Tom Riddle Sr.
Tom Sr is horrified to find out that his son is the lowest of the low in society.
💚 compromising positions by @virgil-anon 2,294 | Completed | E | Ship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort
He was Tom Riddle! (He was Tom Potter) ((He was Lord Voldemort))
💚 An Abundance of Riddles by Anonymous 1,223 | WIP | E | Ship: Tom Riddle | Voldemort/Tom Riddle | Voldemort
November 1st, 1981, Tom Riddle wakes up in the cave and learns that he used to be the Locket Horcrux.
💚 Time in a Whiskey Bottle by Anonymous 5,401 | Completed | E | Ship: Rubeus Hagrid/Tom Riddle
Stripper Tom & Rubeus Hagrid fall in love at the club.
💚 Ride it Like It's Quidditch by Anonymous 2,163 | Completed | E | Ship: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort
Tom hates Harry and plans on making him kneel.
I know nothing about tumblr communities. Can you join them with a side blog without everyone seeing your main or is that not possible?
Hiiii! Yes, you totally can. You can see the community’s members and then click on an account, but your main one is separate, so there shouldn’t be a problem.
18 year old girl Slytherin 🐍ao3 | hp fanfic recs pfp by sophithilheader by goldmanrustic
169 posts