@dnrarepairweek Day One: Shinigami | Premonitions | Fate

reblog if you’re a writer who’s very terrible at responding to comments from your readers, but has read them all and loves and appreciates each and every single one of them very dearly

Day 2

18. Duality

Near sees Light while stairing at his broken reflection... Is it really him? He's dead...

@dnrarepairweek

in-ear || a light/takada ficlet

rated E • <1k words • read on ao3 • for @dnrarepairweek

“Kiss her, Light-kun.”

Matsuda’s voice in my ear feels more like a mosquito than my trusted advisor, but the idea of Matsuda as a trusted advisor is laughably insane to begin with.

I don’t want to kiss her. What I want to do is rip out my earpiece, run to the bathroom, and throw up my guts until I am embraced by death’s loving arms.

Unfortunately, that would require pulling my dick out of Takada, who is currently clenched around me to the point where I fear I might need WD-40 to remove myself. Maybe I can infect myself with botulism in the next two minutes.

I know from last time that Takada would continue until I finished, and my lack of a vagina makes that impossible to fake. She’s sitting on top of me, caressing herself with lascivious performativity, fingers in her short, black hair.

It looks almost like L’s.

I try not to think about him, but he surfaces again and again. He’s like herpes. You might clear him for a couple of weeks, a month, even—but eventually he’ll return like the pus-filled boil he is. Was.

To make one thing absolutely clear, L and I never had sex, despite the myriad allegations and off-color jokes suggesting the contrary. Sex is for people who love each other—or, at least, like each other. What L and I did was far more disgusting.

“Light,” Matsuda sighs into my ear. “Please take this seriously. Give her a kiss.”

I swallow the bile rising in my throat. Takada’s lips are full and pink. I reach up and run my thumb across the lower one to buy myself time.

“Takada,” I say. “You look so beautiful like this.” I hope my dyspeptic expression can somehow be read as awe.

L and me. I don't know how to explain it. There were knocked-over water glasses and twisted up sheets and handprints on the shower door. It wasn't sex. We didn't even kiss. We merely spoke into each other's mouths. There were moments in the middle of the night where he would turn a certain way, just so, and then I would be on him somehow, struggling to pin him down, my knee at his groin as he grabbed my wrists. My eyes would roll back in my head and I would say his name and everything would go blank, but it wasn't sex.

When the moon cut through the room like a razor, we didn't speak. We could barely even look at each other. I would open my mouth like a goldfish and shut it moments later, having said nothing. I searched for the words I wanted to say to him which were, of course, I love you.

“Good one, Light.” Matsuda’s voice is starting to make me want to kill myself. I look around the room for a weapon. Maybe I could bash my own head in with the tea kettle. I’m so glad there’s a kitchenette in this godforsaken hotel room.

“Light, don’t stop.”

It’s unclear exactly what she doesn’t want me to stop because I’m just lying on my back while she moves all around in a way that feels vaguely good in the highly localized dick region but also makes me spiritually ill. Maybe she doesn’t want me to move my hands from her thighs? I grip them a little tighter.

Her legs are soft and hairless. It’s like fucking a dolphin. L wasn’t especially hirsute, but he was pricklier and bonier than she is. And, like I’ve said until I’m blue in the face, we never had sex, anyway.

Takada lifts her arms up to pull her own hair. It’s a little bit ridiculous, but it makes her breasts look high and round like apples. If you like that sort of thing.

I don’t know if I like anything. I can’t stand Takada, and Mikami is one of the most horrendously obsequious people I’ve ever met. I’m sure I could fuck him if I wanted to, but the thought churns my stomach. And Misa—I can’t even think about her without retching. The thought of fucking her is so repellent that it almost makes me enjoy fucking Takada.

I remember this one time. L had me on my back and was sitting on my chest, breathing hard. He had taken the chain that connected us and wrapped it around my neck. It wasn’t dangerous, but we were play-acting like it was. He squeezed and squeezed until I got so hard I thought I might faint. He didn’t touch me—he just sat on my chest, strangling me, until I came by accident. His presence was immaterial. Like I said, we never had sex.

Takada comes, or pretends to, at least. It's a bizarre display, her trembling and grasping at me and thanking me like I did anything at all. She rolls off me and ambles to the bathroom, looking flirtatiously over her shoulder. From behind, her hair makes her look like L. I don't know why I keep thinking that. He wasn't a woman, and I never saw him naked.

I hate her.

I hate myself.

I should die so I don't have to do this again.

But I can't. The world needs me.

they traumatized a man with big brown doe eyes and a slutty waist and they want me to be normal about it ?

reblog if you think aros and aces (or anyone on the aroace spectrum) are queer

trying to prove something to my mother ^^

a death note chapter 1 vs episode 1 comparison

I think people tend to be under the assumption that the death note manga and anime are basically the same besides their endings and the foot washing scene, and thus generally interchangeable. Personally, i don’t believe this is the case. Though many of the changes are small things a casual viewer might not notice, to me these small changes add up to such a degree that despite being so similar, reading the manga and watching the anime are two very different experiences (not even getting into how the anime butchers the second half lmao)

For the record, im not against significant changes in adaptations. On the contrary, i find the oft-hated 2015 tv drama to be a compelling alternate take on the narrative (even if it often struggles in the execution of its concepts). Rather, this whole Thing is more of a documentation of the big and small changes made in adaptation, through the lens of my own extremely subjective interpretation of both versions.

the anime naturally makes many structural changes to the narrative so for the sake of consistency, i will generally be going through things according to the anime’s chronology. If i believe one of these changes has a notable effect on how the narrative comes across, i’ll mention it. I’ll try not to repeat things that are identical between versions, so naturally some existing familiarity with either version would be preferable

Let's Begin

Light: this world… Ryuk: …is rotten

The anime takes the opening lines of the manga (which are spoken separately by light and ryuk, respectively) and gives light ryuk’s line, while light’s is then shared between both of them.

Though they are very obviously visually drawing parallels between the two characters in the manga, i think the actual sentiment expressed in their respective lines isn’t meant to be quite as connected as the anime portrays it. the role “boredom” and “morality” play in their respective motivations is pretty important later on in the chapter, so just keep this in the back of your mind for now.

After light picks up the note for the first time, he puts it back down and starts to leave, dismissing it as a stupid chain letter. But once he thinks about the fact that it’ll supposedly kill people, he turns back (and goes back for it). This choice to go back is not present in the manga, he simply picks it up, laughs, and puts it in his bag without a second thought.

Though light laughs at it in both, in the manga the sequence in general feels lighter in tone compared to the anime (where light only takes interest in it Because it claims to kill). 

In general, light comes across as more mature in the anime, in his facial features and behavior. Tragically, there is no “fwaah” 🥺

It’s minor but Anime light entirely skips manga light’s rationalization of finding someone it’s “okay to kill”, though he does immediately rebuke himself for taking this so seriously

This may just be up to translation differences but anime light seems almost eager for the death note to be real, while manga light seems to just want confirmation, and is much more distressed over the circumstances. Again, the anime leaves out light determining who to kill specifically in terms of who it would be “okay to kill”. And here he then doubles down to someone who “ought to die”, as the situation has gotten more serious

It’s a small thing, but the anime completely removes this scene (the teacher is knocking him out of his thoughts of killing one of his classmates). It’s only notable to me in how it connects with the wider tonal differences between the versions of the story, and of how much less willing the anime is to portray light’s more mundane immature/human aspects

I'm not including pics but this sequence where light comes across a woman being harassed by a group of bikers is a lot more graphic, showing the preamble to sexual assault where the manga just implied it to be a possibility.

This one is probably more subjective, but when light pulls out the note to stare at it and laugh a little eagerly, the anime’s delivery is really like. Obvious overt Supervillain laugh (even if it is fairly quiet). The manga comes across a little more….. Idc, childish? Immature? Not to mention the sweat on his face

A small change, but in the anime there’s no disbelieving “a…[bold text] shinigami?”

Anime light sweats at his initial meeting of ryuk, but it’s gone as he resolves himself. Manga light sweats and sweats and keeps on sweating through most of the rest of the conversation, the closed eye expression being one of frustration before he opens his eyes and resolves himself.

In the manga, light’s hand trembles as he grabs the chair while getting up.

With the context of the rest of this chapter/episode, these lines come off very differently to me. Anime light feels like he was only surprised by the sight of ryuk+jumpscare, and is wayyy more confident in this situation. That he has been waiting for ryuk feels like a true statement. But in the manga, it really comes off like he is pissing himself scared right now and is desperately pretending to be cool and lies about it to try and have some control over the situation

The anime omits this hilariously awkward line, which really adds to the “light’s absolutely freaking out” of the manga

Ugh, for such a little thing im genuinely kinda devastated that the anime just doesn’t have that look between ryuk and light. It makes the “most people would be too scared” feel so much less pointed. Light later says that there’s “some power that makes you want to use the death note” and i think this bit really drives in how truly abnormal light’s behavior is, even for people who willingly use the death note. 

Off topic but I Hate those “the death note has supernatural powers that makes you evil” theories i really do, it gets rid of everything interesting about the narrative, i’ll fight you. anyways.

Again, the difference in composure. Anime light is still sweating over this, but overall way more “cool” than manga light’s heavily shadowed, serious expression and hunched shoulders

Im so sad at how they’ve removed so much of this lowkey humor in the anime. Light’s awkward laughter is so funny and characterful to me, he is sooo internally freaking out…

i think the juxtaposition of dark shit with humor to be one of the big appeals of the manga, and one of the main reasons i find the anime pretty boring tonally. 

They need to stop getting rid of light’s awkward bits, it really humanizes him

Light has resolved himself to his mission, he proclaims it with a smile on his face, in both versions. (Manga light finally doesn’t have sweat on his face anymore)

But why is he doing all this? Ryuk even asks flat out in the anime. And what does light say?

Well this is where it gets really interesting… It is here where what i believe to be the single most significant adaptation change occurs. 

Light has two RADICALLY different answers.

A childish, wide eyed smiling proclamation that “nobody will commit crimes anymore. the world will start to become a better place,” versus a serious “i was bored…too.”

once you strip away the cat and mouse games to reach the thematic and emotional bones of death note (the manga), i find it to be a story that is fundamentally a character study of our beloved beloathed protagonist light yagami. As such, i find Altering something so critical to who he is like this irrevocably changes the entire narrative. 

And the thing is, both sentiments are expressed in both versions, but come across very differently due to their contexts. 

←- right to left

This first chapter has had some fairly major structural changes done in the process of adaptation. While the anime goes from light seeing the death note fall from his classroom window to meeting ryuk for the first time in chronological order, the manga has a timeskip in the middle of it. What did they skip? Light’s first time actually using the death note. So when ryuk later tells light that he dropped the death note for a human to pick up out of boredom, light responds that he was bored too… leading directly into a flashback of when he first used the note. 

In the manga, the juxtaposition of events leads us to read “i was bored too” as: 

“Light used the death note for the first time because he was bored” 

In the anime, the same line is instead a direct answer to ryuk asking his motivation for becoming kira. Reinforced by following it up with a flashback to the immediate aftermath of light discovering that the death note truly works (+ his decision to become kira).

Though not significantly different, i do find it interesting how the anime has omitted light considering getting rid of the death note and thinking that the second victim didn’t deserve death (then talking himself into accepting it). As a result, anime light’s rationalization of his behavior feels less personal, and has much less doubt.

Again, the manga goes way harder into light’s emotional state, and doubts about this whole thing. “Just two, and look at me…” Also, no guilt blanket burrito in the anime ☹️

Now back to the conversation with ryuk, the anime is very notably missing this line from light. Ryuk has never seen someone write as many names in the notebook in 5 days as light has, and light is not dealing with it well. He’s being flippant about it, but this little line is some of the most damning evidence that the guilt of killing people is actively eating away at him, and to a pretty severe degree.

Though anime light does bring up the same/similar lines about making the world a better place and having doubts about his mission, their place in his motivations has been significantly de-emphasized. The general change in light’s characterization seems to make him look much colder, cooler and more capable, at the expense of removing most of his humanity and a lot of the dimension to his character, particularly regarding his personal feelings re: being kira.

This wouldn’t be so much of an issue to me if (ironically) the anime had changed More in order to support its new direction (the shift in light’s characterization+increased emphasis on L as well as L and Light’s dynamic), but i don’t think it executed it very well. I honestly think the musical actually delivers on these specific goals much more successfully, but we’re leaving that for another post.

can you believe i wrote all that for one chapter/episode. Christ.

Anyways look at this loser who deep down knows he’s doing the wrong thing but chooses to just keep doing it.

a writing competition i was going to participate in again this year has announced that they now allow AI generated content to be submitted

their reasoning being that "we couldn't ban it even if we wanted to, every writer already uses it anyway"

"Every writer"?

come on

As requested, the private message relayed to B on 14/03.

RATING LIGHT YAGAMI'S OUTFITS

in the colored manga. because i'm fucking obsessed like that.

the light yagami™ outfit. ah yes, the outfit he wore only in the beginning but becomes the most well known outfit. kinda boring and a bit overrated tbh, it's a school uniform after all. 5/10

the birth of kira outfit. sometimes i call this the hurricane outfit. iconic, simple, practical. something you'd wear to courses. 7.4/10

kira is tired outfit. who allowed him to be as cute as he is in this outfit? seriously, the scenes with him in this outfit are adorable. i love it, i love him. 8.6/10

kill the shinigami with sass outfit. slutty, sassy, simple, and easy. though i'm not sure about the cream on khaki combo. he looks like a vanilla ice cream. but that's alright. 5.6/10

spaceland playboy outfit. cute little murder experiment outfit. plus the slutty little gloves. this baby blue ribbed sweater is one of my favorite piece of clothing of his. idk it's just nice. 8.7/10

sayonara raye penber outfit. we need to talk more about this outfit. what do you mean light yagami owned at least a hoodie and a beanie but only wear it once? we're so robbed. his peak evil little meow meow outfit. 10/10

dad wouldn't be home for ny because of me outfit. tbh don't have much opinion, pretty basic. this scene hurts me though. 4/10

the massacre of misora outfit. such simple outfit for one of the most iconic and intense scene in death note. 7/10

quick pretend you're straight outfit. just his uniform without the jacket and tie tbh. he reads softcore porn in this. 5/10

entrance exam outfit. i love the sweater!! i love his ribbed sweaters in general and the black collar is a nice touch. it fits really nicely on him with that shirt underneath. looking real nice to meet L for the first time yay. 8/10

this will be a series, hopefully i can cover all of them lol 😭