Kisses!!!!!

Since there's been another "Tumblr is gonna die!" scare, let's do a poll...

Rb for larger sample size appreciated :)

I feel horrible doing this, but I'm struggling hard. I'm bedridden trans man who's been disabled since I was eleven, With no source of income as I'm working to get SSI disability, I need money to help myself get by as I can't work in my conditions. Any help would be much appreciated, and I can offer writing or art to anyone who donates. If you can't donate, please share this post.

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shit i felt and did before i got myself a label:

- being weirdly annoyed by my boobs and looking for ways to make them invisible since they barely started to grow. i learned what binder was at the old age of nine. i didn't have enough money of course and i didn't know where i could buy it. so i used simple bandages before they started to annoy me.

- trying to justify the feeling of queerness by telling myself that my parents just raised me that way. they literally did not. i have a very traditional family.

- not taking photos of myself before i started presenting myself in a gender neutral way. if i had choice i would hide on group photos. i rarely took selfies. the only ones I have from that period are of me in a cosplay.

- using male pronouns and masculine grammatical gender on the internet 'for fun'. or phrasing my sentences in a way which would not require using gendered words at all.

- awkwardly laughing when i passed as a boy in front of people who knew me as a girl. not correcting people when i was alone. i loved being ambiguous about my gender when I could.

- being a feminist and fully supporting the use of gendered words for occupations... while not using them to describe myself.

- feeling like i am totally one hundred percent cis because 'i do not feel like i am a man, that' s not me'. gender binary is a bitch.

it took some self-reflection to realize what the 'symptoms' pointed at. yet i did not believe myself at first. i guess it really was fear that kept me from living through my younger years comfortably.

and my government.

in-ear || a light/takada ficlet

rated E • <1k words • read on ao3 • for @dnrarepairweek

“Kiss her, Light-kun.”

Matsuda’s voice in my ear feels more like a mosquito than my trusted advisor, but the idea of Matsuda as a trusted advisor is laughably insane to begin with.

I don’t want to kiss her. What I want to do is rip out my earpiece, run to the bathroom, and throw up my guts until I am embraced by death’s loving arms.

Unfortunately, that would require pulling my dick out of Takada, who is currently clenched around me to the point where I fear I might need WD-40 to remove myself. Maybe I can infect myself with botulism in the next two minutes.

I know from last time that Takada would continue until I finished, and my lack of a vagina makes that impossible to fake. She’s sitting on top of me, caressing herself with lascivious performativity, fingers in her short, black hair.

It looks almost like L’s.

I try not to think about him, but he surfaces again and again. He’s like herpes. You might clear him for a couple of weeks, a month, even—but eventually he’ll return like the pus-filled boil he is. Was.

To make one thing absolutely clear, L and I never had sex, despite the myriad allegations and off-color jokes suggesting the contrary. Sex is for people who love each other—or, at least, like each other. What L and I did was far more disgusting.

“Light,” Matsuda sighs into my ear. “Please take this seriously. Give her a kiss.”

I swallow the bile rising in my throat. Takada’s lips are full and pink. I reach up and run my thumb across the lower one to buy myself time.

“Takada,” I say. “You look so beautiful like this.” I hope my dyspeptic expression can somehow be read as awe.

L and me. I don't know how to explain it. There were knocked-over water glasses and twisted up sheets and handprints on the shower door. It wasn't sex. We didn't even kiss. We merely spoke into each other's mouths. There were moments in the middle of the night where he would turn a certain way, just so, and then I would be on him somehow, struggling to pin him down, my knee at his groin as he grabbed my wrists. My eyes would roll back in my head and I would say his name and everything would go blank, but it wasn't sex.

When the moon cut through the room like a razor, we didn't speak. We could barely even look at each other. I would open my mouth like a goldfish and shut it moments later, having said nothing. I searched for the words I wanted to say to him which were, of course, I love you.

“Good one, Light.” Matsuda’s voice is starting to make me want to kill myself. I look around the room for a weapon. Maybe I could bash my own head in with the tea kettle. I’m so glad there’s a kitchenette in this godforsaken hotel room.

“Light, don’t stop.”

It’s unclear exactly what she doesn’t want me to stop because I’m just lying on my back while she moves all around in a way that feels vaguely good in the highly localized dick region but also makes me spiritually ill. Maybe she doesn’t want me to move my hands from her thighs? I grip them a little tighter.

Her legs are soft and hairless. It’s like fucking a dolphin. L wasn’t especially hirsute, but he was pricklier and bonier than she is. And, like I’ve said until I’m blue in the face, we never had sex, anyway.

Takada lifts her arms up to pull her own hair. It’s a little bit ridiculous, but it makes her breasts look high and round like apples. If you like that sort of thing.

I don’t know if I like anything. I can’t stand Takada, and Mikami is one of the most horrendously obsequious people I’ve ever met. I’m sure I could fuck him if I wanted to, but the thought churns my stomach. And Misa—I can’t even think about her without retching. The thought of fucking her is so repellent that it almost makes me enjoy fucking Takada.

I remember this one time. L had me on my back and was sitting on my chest, breathing hard. He had taken the chain that connected us and wrapped it around my neck. It wasn’t dangerous, but we were play-acting like it was. He squeezed and squeezed until I got so hard I thought I might faint. He didn’t touch me—he just sat on my chest, strangling me, until I came by accident. His presence was immaterial. Like I said, we never had sex.

Takada comes, or pretends to, at least. It's a bizarre display, her trembling and grasping at me and thanking me like I did anything at all. She rolls off me and ambles to the bathroom, looking flirtatiously over her shoulder. From behind, her hair makes her look like L. I don't know why I keep thinking that. He wasn't a woman, and I never saw him naked.

I hate her.

I hate myself.

I should die so I don't have to do this again.

But I can't. The world needs me.

so, uh, death note rarepair week is finally here and I have successfully finished everything. now, did I have the time to translate it? no, but at least it is beta read.

anyone who knows russian is welcome to read the first chapter. anyone who doesn't... well... for now they can use google translate because my hands are full at the moment. I promise I will add a translation sooner or later though.

it's a complete story in seven chapters about dn characters in a starship. main pairing is kiyomi/light, but it's complicated and other ships will appear along the way.

kiyomisa, moonriver, lawtsuda, lawzawa... I didn't hold back with this work 😭

No man does it all by himself

As requested, the private message relayed to B on 14/03.

fuck. circles on my desktop. maybe if i ignore them they'll go away

блять ну почему всё круглое....

i'm going back to my phone i don't want to see this update...

so. I won't be tagging anyone because I am shy and friendless. here are the wips, though:

adam whiteley supremacy

then he'll die as well

angst

the bible the patriot

some slop about the oc

gay ansemble

let's play kira

idea 1

an idiot

coffee shop au chat fic what is this

Light the Father

a fleeting bus homosexuality

misora naomi x oc

notlikeotherpeople

cross

revolution

fish

that shipping challenge

Moriarty note

ficwriters

well...

I am positively cooked

WIP Game

Rules: In a new post, list the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

Thank you @empressofthewind for the tag!! Very fun and timely, since we get to see which one of these I'm strong enough to complete by next week lol I'm only including the names of wips I have something to say about, and excluding the ones that are just full-on descriptions of what's gonna happen lol

I'm too shy to tag anyone, let alone tag the same number of wips I have </3 please feel free to play along if you like <3

Your Time Starts Now

Would I Do It Again

Near the End

Ghoul Boys

Welcome to Your Life

Square One

Next in Line

a moment of your time

new game, same toys

conversations I never had

we've lost the plot

if you're gonna kill me at least take me to lunch first

to think that immortality meant never dying

sticks and stones

I'd like to report a murder(er)

michael mell gets bullied by an evil supercomputer.png this is not a michael gets squipped au btw lol i just wanted to draw smth silly. anyways i love this guy forreel <3

cropped ver.