My Vision For A Carmilla Adaption Is Them Leaning Into Both The Fact That The Novella Is A Confession

Dear Annabelle Cane;

Annabelle "Avatar of the Web" Cane. I'm very gay for you, you and your adorable lisp.

But.

Even if I personally think I would be an avatar of the Vast, and I am in no way, shape or form a suitable avatar of the Slaughter or Desolation... I will burn you if you do something to Martin.

This is almost as good as going all John Amehrst on Elias's office.

Extremely late crack AU where Gertrude and Gerry met the guy with the clown-eating Monster Pig and just took it back to the Institute. 

Jonah-James-Elias: I’m compelled to ask why

Gertrude: This is my new service animal.

Jonah: For what service?

Gertrude, with her longest pointed Stare: Eating clowns

Jonah:

Monster Pig, sitting outside Jonah’s office, staring in at him through the door he Knows was closed and locked when he came in: 🐷

And that’s where it stays. The titanic horror-hog wouldn’t go anywhere if it didn’t want to. It’d be there to greet Breekon and Hope the second they tried to walk in with their delivery. It’d devour them and the table in one sitting just to get at the Not-Them. 

It’d lay in wait, lurking around Jon and the Archive crew like a massive pink shadow–

Jon: Elias, I understand Gertrude was attached to it, but are you sure we shouldn’t relocate th–

Monster Pig, in the corner: 🐷

Jonah, Knowing it knows where he sleeps: The Pig Stays, Jon

–and turn up at the Unknowing, at which point it would devour the entire circus. 

Jon, Tim, Basira, Daisy:

Monster Pig: 🐷

Its job done, it goes snorting off into the night, maybe heading back to haunt its very best friend, Dylan Anderson…after a brief detour.

Jonah, sitting in his cell: Well, the Unknowing was a waste. At least there’s still the Dark Sun to string them along w–

Monster Pig, kicking down the door, having saved the best clown for last: 

 🐷  

tl;dr: The Monster Pig was Flesh-aligned, Stranger-averse, pro-clown-cannibalism, and would’ve saved the day if Gertrude had only taken it away to let it do what it loved

A Nightmare on Elm Street but Freddy tips his fedora and says "m'lady"

o h b o y

So... Unfortunately, I am a monsterfucker and the elephant man in episode 1 somewhat...

Intrigues me.

I'm not crying, you are.

The Rusty Quill twitter continues their fine tradition of going right for the throat.

The Vast: Hey, wouldn't it be great if we collaborated and built a space station to send humans to and see how much we can fuck with them?

The Dark: Lmao, that's fucking hilarious, let's do it.

The Lonely, pointing at Carter Chilcott: I'm calling dibs on that one

Netflix’s Death Note: pro and con

Pro: Willem Dafoe as Ryuk

Con: Everything Else about the movie

there’s something therapeutic about imagining a broadway-style curtain call at the end of magnus. tim and sasha appear from each side of the stage to wave at the audience, sasha holding not!sasha’s hand. elias and peter bow deeply in unison. michael and helen poke each other playfully with their long fingers and pop in and out of different doors before disappearing. gerry comes onstage in a flurry of papers and brings eric and mary with him. annabelle is lowered onto the stage from a hanging platform like a diva to thunderous applause. simon and mike crew hoot and wave at the audience from a high platform and pop away simultaneously when the spotlight turns off. nikola and jane swing each other in a wild dance that makes the stage shake. gertrude appears alone and does an elegant curtsey. daisy+basira and melanie+georgie appear together, arms linked, and all four do a bow together. finally, after everything has quieted down, jon and martin appear from either side, and as the curtain falls, they join hands.

So is it law now that every version of Edward Hyde must be a bottom orrrrrrrrr?

The Magnus Archives got me feeling again

I teared up more than once just thinking about:

1. The Podcast ending

2. The cast being unhappy in general

3. JON AND MARTIN ARGUING (because one loves the other too much and the other does too but he's "noT GonNa DoOm tHE WoRld ovER It")

4. Yeah, Jon, in season 1 you really were a fucking dick, UH? OH! What's that? The sound of all of those mutual pining fanfictions that I wrote in my head just shattering??? Oh, cool.

5. "And I'm glad you've got him"

6. "Can I have a cigarette?" AND JON FUCKEN LAUGHING. UGH, GOD, SIMS, DON'T GO ALL "Oh, hey, remember that?" I OBVIOUSLY REMEMBER, I'VE BEEN HYPERFIXATING ABOUT Y'ALL FOR THE LAST MONTH.

7. The fact that I love Basira so much.

8. Jon feeling so guilty that he felt the need to try clear Elias's name.

9. ThE oMiNoUs fUcKInG tHiNG aBOUt tHe lIGhtER.... I dOn'T kNoW whAT iT is yEt bUt I jUsT kNoW tHaT i'M gOiNG tO cRy beCAuSe oF iT.

10. And the horrifying theories that sprouted in my head like the flowers in Jared's flesh garden.