So Um,,, Loving The Enthusiasm Here Mrs. Jude Perry, But Burn The Dumb Little Archivist Again...and,

shutup shutup jon and martin are on a farm with cows they are oN A FARM WITH COWS AND THEYRE HAPPY SHUTUTPTKFLKGKFKFJFNGNN

this is kinda late but here you go

One of Jon’s most lovable traits is the way he clings to his humanity and morals even as he becomes something distinctly not human, the way he continues to try his best against all odds. However, he also deserves to go fully apeshit as a treat, and Beholding monsters are sexy. Both of these truths can and should coexist.

So is it law now that every version of Edward Hyde must be a bottom orrrrrrrrr?

What do you mean Shanks didn’t recognize Ace when he came seeking him out to thank him for saving his little brother? What do you mean he wasn’t holding back tears as they shared drinks and stories about their favorite rubber boy? What do you mean he didn’t cry buckets when Ace left and had to be consoled by Benn and Yassop and Roux?

What do you mean Crocus didn’t take one look at this youndgster and nearly had a heart attack? Whta do you mean he didn’t remember that feisty woman’s last name and her freckles? What do you mean he didn’t call Rayleigh with a desperate, hopeful voice asking what was Rouge’s last name?

What do you mean Buggy didn’t see his captain’s eyes and grin on Ace’s face when he crashed their party in his ship? What fo you mean Buggy didn’t call Shanks to ask him who the fuck this kid was and why the fuck does he have Roger’s hair and eyes and Ms. Rouge’s freckles and smile? What do you mean he didn’t go batshit crazy internally when he heard Luffy say that Portgas D. Ace was his captain’s biological son, and that he was going to be killed for his goddamn blood?

What do you mean Rayleigh didn’t want to go and save Ace when the Visual Transponder Snails broadcasted the execution? What do you mean Shakky had to place a hand on his shoulder to stop him—from what? The Government? The Whitebeards? The world?

What do you mean Rayleigh’s heart didn’t shatter to pieces once more when Ace’s body fell to the ground, that Buggy felt despair claw into his mind when he heard Luffy’s heartwrenching cry, that Shanks didn’t curse the world and back when he came far, far too late.

What do you mean this didn’t all happen? What do you mean that they don’t care?

What do you mean they just stood there and did nothing?

A bunch, but probably not all, Magnus swears

@malevon, for you *kisses you on the hand*

me waiting to get dicked down by stinky slashers with big knives:

season 1 of the penumbra podcast

announcer: detective steel was just about to be literally murdered

*knocking* *screaming*

announcer: what luck! it sounds like he’s in

This is almost as good as going all John Amehrst on Elias's office.

Extremely late crack AU where Gertrude and Gerry met the guy with the clown-eating Monster Pig and just took it back to the Institute. 

Jonah-James-Elias: I’m compelled to ask why

Gertrude: This is my new service animal.

Jonah: For what service?

Gertrude, with her longest pointed Stare: Eating clowns

Jonah:

Monster Pig, sitting outside Jonah’s office, staring in at him through the door he Knows was closed and locked when he came in: 🐷

And that’s where it stays. The titanic horror-hog wouldn’t go anywhere if it didn’t want to. It’d be there to greet Breekon and Hope the second they tried to walk in with their delivery. It’d devour them and the table in one sitting just to get at the Not-Them. 

It’d lay in wait, lurking around Jon and the Archive crew like a massive pink shadow–

Jon: Elias, I understand Gertrude was attached to it, but are you sure we shouldn’t relocate th–

Monster Pig, in the corner: 🐷

Jonah, Knowing it knows where he sleeps: The Pig Stays, Jon

–and turn up at the Unknowing, at which point it would devour the entire circus. 

Jon, Tim, Basira, Daisy:

Monster Pig: 🐷

Its job done, it goes snorting off into the night, maybe heading back to haunt its very best friend, Dylan Anderson…after a brief detour.

Jonah, sitting in his cell: Well, the Unknowing was a waste. At least there’s still the Dark Sun to string them along w–

Monster Pig, kicking down the door, having saved the best clown for last: 

 🐷  

tl;dr: The Monster Pig was Flesh-aligned, Stranger-averse, pro-clown-cannibalism, and would’ve saved the day if Gertrude had only taken it away to let it do what it loved