Ah Yes, Time To Play My Favourite Game. Am I Horny Or Do I Just Need To Piss.

okay but can you imagine—

What does Tim say when people ask about his spleen?

Damian: I am updating my blackmail records. Tell me what happened to your spleen in its full hilarity.

Tim: I donated it to a sickly orphan.

Damian: You win this round.

———————

Tim: I have to be careful, I lost my spleen.

Carrie: How?

Tim: Aliens.

———————

Tim: I'm zero percent spleen and fifty-nine percent pizza sauce.

Helena: Zero percent spleen?

Tim: Yep. On the bright side, they named a disease after me.

———————

Luke: I've designed nanotech vitals trackers to be implanted on our spleens.

Tim: Oh, no thanks. I don't have one.

Luke: You don't have a spleen?

Tim: It wasn't paying rent so I evicted it. Lazy freeloader.

———————

Barbara: Why does your chart say you're missing a spleen?

Tim: I made a deal with the devil but I had a discount code so instead of my soul I just needed to sell a non-essential organ.

———————

Steph: What happened to your spleen? Are you okay?

Tim: I'm fine. It's taking an extended gap year.

———————

Harper: So... can I ask about your spleen?

Tim: Yeah, don't worry. I was part of a failed science experiment.

Cullen: What'd they do?

Tim: They injected me with a serum that was supposed to make me indestructible. But instead all I got were a spleen removal and chronic insomnia. And a free T-shirt.

Cullen:

Harper:

Cullen: Was it a nice shirt?

———————

Dick: What do you mean you don't have a spleen?!?

Tim: It was confiscated by airport security.

———————

Tim: Happy Pride! My spleen finally came out of the closet. And by closet I mean my body.

Kate: Diversity win.

———————

Tim and Jason: *arguing*

Jason: At least I still have my spleen!

Tim: It's genetic!

Jason: Sucks to be you.

Tim: We have the same dad. It could happen to you too.

Jason, scoffing: Whatever.

Jason, internally: Oh shit, he's right. I need to see Leslie.

———————

Tim and Bette: *sparring*

Bette: *hits Tim*

Tim: Ow. Time out. That was my spleenhole.

Bette: ...How?

Tim: It took a trip to the Titanic in a soup can with a Playstation controller.

———————

Duke: Since when did you have that scar?

Tim: Since losing my spleen last year.

Duke: How do you lose a spleen?

Tim: You forget to cherish it.

———————

Cass: ?

Tim: I digested it.

———————

Selina: You know I have to tell Bruce about this.

Tim: Okay, fine.

Tim: I had to get it removed as a kid after falling into a well of bats.

———————

Bruce: Tell me what happened to your spleen so Alfred and Leslie can give you the proper treatment.

Tim: What do you mean?

Bruce: Everyone's been telling me you don't have it.

Tim: Well, I do, so...

Bruce: Alright, I'll have a talk with them about bad taste pranks.

———————

Alfred: You can't keep the truth from me, Master Tim.

Tim: Assassins stole it.

Alfred: I wasn't born yesterday. Now what really happened?

Tim: ...

Mutant Peter Parker

I don't know if it's already a thing or if someone has already come up with it but I always thought it would be interesting if it turned out that Peter had the x-gene and that the spider bite simply triggered it.

Maybe Peter had dormant mutant powers but because his body was so frail, they never manifested. Then the spider bit him and while the spider bite normally would have killed the person (it was genetically modified and/or radioactive after all), Peter's mutation simply absorbed the genetic material.

His original mutant power was going to be his spider-sense, the ability to sense danger before it happened, but the spider bite twisted his already unsteady x-gene to give him additional powers.

I dunno, just thought it was a neat idea.

“if somebody becomes panicked when you accuse them of lying theyre obviously not telling the truth” shut up ugly im a survivor who got punished for shit i never did all the time of fucking course im gonna panic when im blamed for something i didnt do

U.S. conservatives always talk about creating jobs but get SO MAD whenever anyone mentions banning prison labor like imagine the insane ammout of jobs that would be created literally overnight if companies in your country had to actually employ people instead of using slave labor from people that got caught with weed 10 years ago.

do me a solid and just reblog this saying what time it is where you are and what you’re thinking about in the tags.

What if Danny Fenton and Billy Batson become fast friends. Danny is annoyed at cultists trying to send "brides" to the Ghost King. Billy is weirded out when adults try to flirt with Captain Marvel. Danny hits upon the idea that they should be each other's beards. If the Ghost King and the Champion of Magic are very publicly dating, that should keep unwanted suitors off their backs, right?

Of course they are both absolute Chaos Gremlins about it.

Cultist: We offer you this sacrifice, oh great king!

Danny: One moment please *whips out fenton phone* Hey honey, guess what? Some idiots are trying to tempt me away from you again. You got my coordinates?

Billy: *Kool Aid man entrance* Who dares?!

Cultists: Run awaaaaay!

***********

Captain Marvel takes a hit while fighting a villain. Phantom out of nowhere with a steel chair!

Danny: Nobody hurts my schnookums!

Everyone: ???

************

Captain Marvel brings Phantom to the next JL potluck as his plus one, with Danny in full creepy ghost mode.

Billy: Oh yes, we've been on again, off again for the last thousand years or so. We have our differences, but nobody gets me quite like he does! *exaggarated dreamy sigh*

Hal: That's nice...

Meanwhile Danny is shoving an entire burger in his mouth, displaying multiple rows of sharp teeth.

Danny: Man, I love the 21st century! Food sure has changed a lot since I died. And the technology!

Ollie: Oh? When did you die?

Danny: *glares* It's incredibly rude to ask a ghost about their death

Nearby Leaguers are edging away, nervous about being on the menu next.

Flash: Hotdogs! Who wants hotdogs?!

Danny: Oh, me! As long as they don't fight back

Everyone: wtf is going on here