Story Of My Life.

Never related to a song as much as I related to "mind is a prison" by Alec Benjamin. Like dude, "back in my shell, all by myself, alone with my thoughts again. Guess my mind is a prison and I'm never gonna get out". How can u not relate to this amazing art??

Requesting a sick Nico? I don't care with what, I just want to boy to suffer. Please and thank you!

Hooooo boy I made him suffer. The good news about this is that it’s not likely contagious, but the bad news is that it’s probably bacterial meningitis. Normal flus don’t really cause this level of confusion. Boy was it fun to write this though. I really love the whole idea of “voyeurism” in terms of sickfics, having people watch a caretaker and a sickie, especially if the sickie would be embarrassed about it if they were coherent. Also I’m such such such a sucker for medic Will being a whole-ass medic and taking care of people in a practical way (not just a demigod magic kind of way).

You can probably tell that I’m hmmmm, pretty rusty at this whole “writing” thing.

Warnings: puke and rambling and reaaaaal rusty writing skills

“How long has he been like this?” Will’s voice rang out through the near-silent apartment. Nico was leaning on the back of the couch, either asleep or close to it. Sally sat on one side of him, Percy on the other. The Iris message was beginning to shimmer. Swearing, Percy threw in another drachma. 

“This is the third day,” Sally replied. “Well, the third day of throwing up. He just had a fever and a headache before then.”

Nico’s head lolled to the side on the couch, almost touching Sally’s shoulder. She put an arm up to guide it the rest of the way down, petting his hair and checking his forehead as she went. 

“He’s still burning up.”

“And he’s not keeping anything down?” Will’s voice was becoming tighter, more fraught with anxiety. He shifted on the desk chair he was sitting in. 

“Nothing.” Will’s reaction was making it hard for him to stay calm. After all the danger Nico had dealt with, this was what had Will worried? 

Will paused and looked towards something Percy couldn’t see. He mouthed something, and shook his head. “Uhh, okay. If he refuses to go to a hospital could you bring him here? I know it’s a long drive but I can only assume he’s dangerously dehydrated and—”

“We’ll do it,” Annabeth piped up from out of Will’s view. “It’s only a few hours. And we’ll speed.”

“Haul ass,”  Percy agreed, nodding. 

Will ran a hand through his hair. “Okay. I’ll see you soon.” 

Percy took a moment to think. Nico was in bad shape, still leaning against his mom and looking as pale as Percy had ever seen him. Annabeth was practically vibrating, getting things ready for a two-hour car trip. Paul was standing between the kitchen and the living room, holding a handful of plastic bags in case Nico needed them. Sally, bless her, was running her hands through Nico’s hair with a decidedly worried expression painted across her features. 

Percy caught his mom’s eye across the sofa. 

“I’m coming with you,” she said. Percy was going to protest, but as soon as he opened his mouth she said, “and that’s final. It’s snowy, and I’m a better driver than both of you.” 

For once, Annabeth didn’t complain about having her abilities questioned. Percy stood, and worked on getting Nico into a standing position. He hooked one of his arms around his shoulders and lifted. Nico was lighter than he expected. Between having no excess weight and having vomited for three days, he was rail thin. 

Percy had never been gladder that his parents had moved to a building with an elevator. It made the eight-flight journey while half-carrying a 15-year-old easier for everyone involved. Navigating the snow was harder. Over Christmas, the sidewalks had hardly been plowed, making their trek to the car frustrating for both of them. Nico, who just wanted to lie down, moaned incoherently until he was in the backseat of Paul’s Prius with Percy buckling his seatbelt.

Nico fell asleep almost immediately once they were on the road, his head propped against the foggy window. The peace only lasted the first half hour.

Nico’s bleary eyes cracked open. His head fell to one side and then shot up straight, suddenly alert. 

“‘m gonna throw up,” he murmured, his voice hoarse with sleep and sickness. He put one hand to his mouth and the other flailed, looking for one of the bags Paul had packed for them.

“Fuck! Hold on!” There was a rustling noise as Annabeth tried to free one of the bags from the tangle of them at her feet. Nico made a muffled, urgent sound against his hand and grabbed for the button on the car door. While his window rolled down, Sally slowed to a stop on the side of the highway. Before it was all the way down, Nico lurched. It was the closest to projectile vomiting he had come since he’d been sick. He barely managed to make it out the window while he sprayed sick from his chapped lips. He let his head fall, and it hung limply as he retched, painting the Prius with yellow bile. Between painful sounding retches, Nico gasped for air. The difficulty of simply breathing was audible. 

Percy looked anywhere but beside him, unlike Sally, who was staring at Nico’s back with pursed lips. 

“Pat his back,” she whispered to Percy. Percy was certain Nico was going to recoil at his touch. But then he didn’t. He continued to heave for another few minutes, with Percy rubbing his back. Even through the thick knit sweater (donated by Paul when Nico had started shivering with fever), Percy could feel every vertebra. Most horribly, he could feel Nico’s taut back muscles tensing, and hardly ever releasing long enough for him to relax.

When all was said and done, Nico brought his head back into the car and collapsed against the headrest. 

“Sorry,” he whispered. His voice was broken by the gurgling is his throat. Annabeth passed him a water bottle from the front seat. “It won’t stay down.”

“I know, but it’ll get the taste out of your mouth.” 

Nico fumbled with the cap for a moment before passing it to Percy, who cracked it with ease. Passing it back to Nico, he caught the blush on Nico’s cheeks. The needy, vulnerable Nico was new to both of them. 

With Nico back in the car, they set off again. Nico kept his eyes closed, but Percy was fairly sure he was awake and trying to coax himself into not being sick again. The rapid movements of his Adam’s apple gave him away. 

Percy wished they could turn on some music, or at least that he could join in Sally and Annabeth’s conversation, but they were speaking so quietly he could barely hear. The rest of the drive passed slowly with nothing to do but play games on his phone. Every few minutes, Nico would cough weakly, and Percy could hear the rattling breath in his lungs trying to escape. It was a pitiful sight.

Finally, they arrived at the base of the hill. Getting Nico out of the car was a harder matter altogether, and Percy had to wrap his hand in a plastic bag to avoid touching the bile now frozen to the door. Halfway up the hill, Kayla met them.

“Want some help?” She didn’t wait for an answer before she grabbed Nico’s other arm and helped Percy march him towards the infirmary. Sally and Annabeth were continuing their conversation behind him, though he couldn’t hear what they were saying over his and Kayla’s panting and the groans from the sick boy suspended between them.

Percy wondered idly if Sally had ever seen the infirmary. It had been updated even since Percy had last been there. Nico had told him it now boasted a tv that Will had fought for, claiming that boredom was pushing people out of the infirmary faster than they should be leaving. Percy suspected it was mostly for the staff’s benefit. 

Despite the lack of snow inside the campgrounds, the wind was still biting. Nico had thrown off his coat in the car, and he shivered so violently Percy thought he might drop him. 

Standing in the door of the infirmary was Will, his arms crossed over his chest to shield him from the cold. He wore blue scrubs, as he usually did when he was in the infirmary. The colour of the uniform set off his eyes, as did the red rim around them. The late hour seemed to hit Percy all at once. It was past midnight.

The group trudged over the threshold, and Kayla pulled Nico, and Percy with him, towards a bed. Will followed behind, trying his best to move with purpose and not look like a lost puppy. 

“Hey guys,” Will greeted belatedly. “Merry Christmas.”

There was a chorus of ‘Merry Christmas’ around the infirmary, and Will turned to Sally. 

“I’m Will, uh, by the way.” 

“We iris messaged a few hours ago.” Sally smiled back at him. He looked temporarily embarrassed until Sally said, “but it’s good to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“All good I hope?”

“All good.”

Will didn’t seem to hear the answer. Once Nico was lying in the bed, everything else seemed to fade away from Will’s vision. He strode over to the bedside to pull two rubber gloves from a box against the wall, and pulled over a rolling chair. 

“Kayla can you get, uh, a one litre bag of saline and a secondary bag of acetaminophen drip? I’m going to do an IV.”

Kayla nodded, happy to be bossed out of the room. Behind the curtains was crowded, and she didn’t think she could stand an awkward meeting-the-family moment between her brother and his boyfriend’s aunt.

“Hey,” Will said quietly to Nico. He grunted, but didn’t open his eyes. Will pursed his lips. He seemed all too aware of the eyes of everyone on the back of him, and his neck prickled uncomfortably. 

“Hey,” he tried again. “Can you open your eyes?”

Nico’s eyes fluttered open, and Will rushed to praise him. “Can you squeeze my fingers?”

Will slipped two of his fingers into Nico’s hand. Through the gloves he could feel how clammy they were. “Go ahead, break my fingers.” Nico smiled weakly and gave a watery cough. “There. You got it.”

Will brow was furrowed, but Nico’s was utterly relaxed for the first time since he’d begun vomiting. He pulled his fingers out of Nico’s hand and Nico whined. Everyone in the room, bar Nico and Will, glanced around uncomfortably. It seemed an intrusion to see them like this. 

Will reached a hand into a drawer by the bedside and drew out an infrared thermometer. The infirmary had gained some new toys since Will had become head medic apparently. There was no chance these were Chiron’s ideas. The worry was palpable in Will’s voice when he announced to the room, “104.3. Has he had any fever reducers?” 

“He threw up every time we tried to give him any.” Sally’s voice was taking on Will’s anxiety. 

Kayla came back into the room, holding several clear bags of liquid. She deposited them easily on a tray and slid it beside Will, drawing over an IV pole. 

“Get some cooling blankets.” Will’s voice had become harder, his medic side lashing out. He set to work cleaning the inside of Nico’s wrist and sliding a needle into a vein. His lower lip was held tightly between his teeth as he worked. Nico protested as valiantly as he could, which ended up being another whine and a slight shift of his arm, which was unable to move much in Will’s vice-like grip. He quickly arranged the IV tubing like he had done it a hundred times before which, Percy thought, he probably had. 

“It’s a good thing he’s so out of it for that. He usually fights tooth and nail when he has to get a needle,” Will was saying as Kayla entered the room.

“Usually Will can’t do it himself because Nico needs him to hold his hand.”

“More like break my hand.” 

The group smiled, except for Will, who remained as tightly wound as ever, staring at the tiny body on the infirmary bed. Kayla arranged the cooling blankets around Nico while Will turned to Percy, Annabeth, and Sally, who were still standing at the end of the bed holding their coats.

“Might as well sit down,” Will told them. “He’s going to be here for a while.”

Graciously, everyone sat down. While Will and Kayla debated over treatment options and tests, Sally looked at Nico. He was still sweaty, his eyelids fluttering now that Will was not touching him. She wondered just how long they’d been like this, able to calm each other with only a touch. Given reports by Percy and Annabeth, and vigorously refuted by Nico, it had been almost instantaneous from the moment they were friends. It was no surprise to Sally they had ended up together.

“He seems to know what he’s doing,” Sally whispered to Annabeth, who nodded.

“He’s got a gift. He modernized everything here. He’s doing good things.” 

Sally realized something suddenly and interrupted Will mid-conversation with his sister. 

“Why haven’t you given him any nectar or ambrosia?” She hadn’t meant for it to sound accusatory. Luckily Will, with all his preoccupations, didn’t seem to notice and took the question in stride.

“He shouldn’t consume anything orally until we get his stomach under control. Plus, it’s a fifty-fifty shot if those will work on sicknesses. They work great on injuries, but sometimes it’s not enough. That, and it raises your body temperature. Nico’s brain is already being boiled inside his skull, and to give him anything like that might give him permanent brain damage.”

Him and Kayla looked at each other quickly and without a word she handed him a pen from the pocket of her scrubs. Will pushed himself towards Nico and clicked the pen. For one stupid moment, Percy was sure it was going to turn into a sword. Instead, a bright light appeared on the end. 

“Nico, can you open your eyes?” It was shocking to hear Will speak like that. He was all business, ordering Kayla to fetch him things or telling everyone to sit down, but his voice softened considerably and took on a cooing quality when he addressed his boyfriend.

Nico groaned. He as if he were swimming through hot jello. Every one of his muscles seemed to weight twenty times what it usually did, and the thought of opening his eyes made him want to sob. Gingerly, he opened one eye, just as he had done before. He had done it before, right?

“Are you experiencing light sensitivity?” Will asked him. Nico could hardly respond, so he groaned. Will slid a thumb onto Nico’s eyelid and held it open, shining the light into it. Nico could feel his eye watering from the wasted effort of closing it against Will’s thumb. After what felt like an hour of a knife being pushed directly into his right eye, Will switched to the other one. 

“Pupillary response is normal and equal,” he said to Kayla. He turned to the rest of them. “That’s a good sign. It means that his brain is still responding correctly to certain stimuli, which means that there’s little chance of damage.”

He sat back in his chair, dropping his face into his hands for only a moment before he heard a choking noise. Sally yelped, and stood to help. He looked towards Nico, who was trying (and failing) to swallow back his gags. Acting on a whim, Will grabbed Nico’s shoulder and rolled him towards himself, placing one hand on his back and the other in his hair while Nico’s gags finally became productive. He coughed, splattering Will’s scrubs with bile. After a gasping breath, he heaved again. This time the sick dribbled out of his mouth and onto the pillow below his head, coating his cheek in it too.  He burped sickly and gave a great, groaning cough. 

Will, who had been murmuring encouragements to him the whole time, grabbed a tissue from beside the bed and began wiping his mouth. Nico didn’t seem to notice. He just kept mumbling, “I don’t want to throw up anymore. Please make it stop. Make it stop. Please.”

Percy’s heart broke for him. He shouldn’t mention this to Nico when he was coherent, or he’d probably be turned to stone with a single glare, but despite the awful situation, seeing Nico being looked after filled him with comfort. He had spent so long being alone and uncared for. As long as Will was around, he’d never have to face that again.

Sweaty HIIT Workout

This HIIT circuit will get the best of you.

A great way to burn fat and increase your stamina. This workout includes both plyometric and strength movements.

It’s 5 exercises back to back, 30 seconds per exercise, 20 seconds of rest between each round. Repeat it 3-5 times

https://www.instagram.com/saxofficial/

New episodes!!!

Video essays by poc:

India and its UNFAIR beauty standards

Everything culturally wrong with Mulan 2020

The Wind can GTFO (a Gone with the Wind breakdown)

Memento-- telling a story in reverse

That mysterious "S" thing we used to draw

Indiana Jones -- a primer on racist film tropes

Reality show secrets: was MTV'S "my super sweet 16 100% real?

Why Aquaman Sucks (the commodification of the polynesian body)

"Black sounding" names and their surprising history

Let's revisit the fashion in the Aladdin remake

Train to Busan: how to kill a character

Running progression workout:

Here we are going to be looking at a workout that will enhance your running capabilities, this will help with your speed and endurance it will also include 1-2 days in the gym to help bring that power into your legs.

Stage one:

To begin with you will start with running twice a week for 20 minutes at a medium pace and at the weekend you will do 40 minutes low consistent pace jog.

Keep this up until it becomes easy once that happens switch to this.

Stage two:

2 days a week 20-30 minutes

You will sprint for 1-2minutes then light jog for up to 5 minutes then sprint again 1-2 minutes and repeat.

At the weekend go for a 1 hour jog at a medium pace.

Continue this for up to four weeks.

Stage three:

Run for miles. So one day a week see how far you can run and set that as the goal to beat each week.

Run and sprint. Day two Run at a medium pace at 8 minute intervals sprint for 2 minutes then drop back down to running at a medium pace and repeat. Record how long you did it for and aim for longer next session.

At the weekend go for a light jog for an hour.

Gym session:

Leg power!

Deadlifts 4x8

Deadlifts pretty much work everything but the focus it put on the hamstring, lower back etc have a big crossover for sprinting.

Bulgarian split squats 2x15 each leg

The Bulgarian split squat is good because your training on one foot which help builds balance and stability in the lower leg.

Hang and clean 3x5

The hang and clean is a big power move you have no choice but to be explosive to shift the weight which again has a big crossover for running and sprinting.

Sled push 4-6 laps

Sled push is great as you can add a small amount of weight and do laps for endurance or really load it down to make it power workout and really put your legs and core through hell.

Broad jumps 2 lengths

With the broad jump, jump as far as you can as soon as you land jump again, this is another explosive movement.

Just so you don't become unbalanced I recommend also doing these exercises.

Bar bench press 5x5

Lat pulldown 4x8

Dumbbell shoulder press 3x15

Dumbbell curls 3x10

Tri pushdowns 3x15

Hanging leg raises 3x10

So there you have it a workout to get you running like an anime god.

US Helplines:

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

UK Helplines:

Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail jo@samaritans.org

Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111

Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk

Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 legal@mind.org.uk

b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk

b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)

Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk

Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600

Drinkline: 0800 9178282

Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk

Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight

India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614

India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669

Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868

FREE 24/7 suicide hotlines:

Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430

Australia: 13-11-14

Austria: 01-713-3374

Barbados: 429-9999

Belgium: 106

Botswana: 391-1270

Brazil: 21-233-9191

China: 852-2382-0000

(Hong Kong: 2389-2222)

Costa Rica: 606-253-5439

Croatia: 01-4833-888

Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67

Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908

Denmark: 70-201-201

Egypt: 762-1602

Estonia: 6-558-088

Finland: 040-5032199

France: 01-45-39-4000

Germany: 0800-181-0721

Greece: 1018

Guatemala: 502-234-1239

Holland: 0900-0767

Honduras: 504-237-3623

Hungary: 06-80-820-111

Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90

Israel: 09-8892333

Italy: 06-705-4444

Japan: 3-5286-9090

Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292

Malaysia: 03-756-8144

(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)

Mexico: 525-510-2550

Netherlands: 0900-0767

New Zealand: 4-473-9739

New Guinea: 675-326-0011

Nicaragua: 505-268-6171

Norway: 47-815-33-300

Philippines: 02-896-9191

Poland: 52-70-000

Portugal: 239-72-10-10

Russia: 8-20-222-82-10

Spain: 91-459-00-50

South Africa: 0861-322-322

South Korea: 2-715-8600

Sweden: 031-711-2400

Switzerland: 143

Taiwan: 0800-788-995

Thailand: 02-249-9977

Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800

Ukraine: 0487-327715

(Source)

*exchanging wedding vows*

me: fullmetal alchemist my wife: *slightly differently from how I said it* fullmetal alchemist

I want to urge ya'll to make space for people with psychosis in your mental health advocacy.

Let me explain.

First off, psychosis in itself is an incredibly lonely and isolating experience. Depression and anxiety have made massive strides in general acceptance and that's wonderful, but if someone has hallucinations or delusions, we're still terrified to talk about them.

Isolation breeds alienation breeds suicidality.

If you don't even feel welcome in mental health spaces that are supposed to be meant for you, you're going to feel really, really fucking bad, man. Your brain is already collapsing in on itself and turning your sense of reality into a nightmare, and then you're afraid to talk about it and feel like an alien when you do.

Another example of this - you'll be hanging out in a group of other mentally ill people and they all start talking about how cannabis helps their symptoms, and insist you try it too, (weed is detrimental to psychotic people, no ifs ands or buts, it's like eating peanuts when you have a peanut allergy) and then you're put in the awkward position of either seeming like a shetered stick in the mud or outing yourself as a Crazy Person.

First of all, you're allowed to have boundaries no matter what, but second of all, I shouldn't be afraid to tell people about this aspect of my mental health.

I also really, really want to talk about those of us who suffer suicide-themed delusions. You cannot make blanket statements like "suicidal people don't want to die, they just want to end their suffering" or "this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem", and you can't paint all suicidal people with the same brush.

I've felt your stereotypical "I'm going to be miserable forever, so what's the point" suicidality. And it sucks. I'd argue that it's just as bad as what I'm about to talk about.

But it's an entirely different beast from when I'm convinced the universe has a target on my head, and I can see into a future where my continued existence sets off a series of events that ends in the deaths of my loved ones and innocent strangers. Or when I'm convinced I have some kind of psychic poison that excaberates the mental illnesses of anyone I spend too much time with. Or many years ago, when I was convinced suicide was the only way to enter the Matrix-like world I was Called To.

I know it sounds crazy. (It is!) But these aren't uncommon delusions to have, and newsflash: we're in just as much danger as any "classically" suicidal person, if not more, because goddamn, when the stakes are "everyone I love will die if I don't do this", you might get pretty damn desperate. In that moment, to you, what your faulty brain is telling you is your reality.

Keeping this shit a secret makes it worse. Delusions kind of feed off the fear of being found out; the more it's kept secret, the more it snowballs, at least in my experience. Some of my biggest coping skills include telling my support system (therapist, partner, close friends) when I'm Going Through It, and I'm lucky that I have people I feel safe enough around to even kind of vaguely talk about it with.

The stigma kept me from telling anyone for years, and most psychotic people will, sadly, have a similar story.

It's also intensely traumatic. Even when you're not actively symptomatic, the memories of the things you saw and Knew thought and experienced still haunt you. It took me over a year to open up to my therapist about the first break I had six years ago. I sobbed my fucking eyes out and was shaking so hard.

I know so many others who will tell you they suffered with symptoms alone for so long. Which is really traumatic in and of itself, but it's even worse when you feel like you can't even talk about it when it's over, because everyone looks at you like some Weird Crazy Person. You can't talk about it, because it's not #Relatable and people believe the stigma.

I want you guys to realize one thing: Psychotic people are human.

We have dreams and hobbies and loved ones and goals and histories and complex emotions just like everyone else. We want love and acceptance and contentment just like everyone else. We just have brains that like to Fuck With Us.

And it's lonely. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but God, I wish it was okay to casually say "I had a bad break last night" or "I'm having a really scary hallucination right now" or "I went through a year-long psychotic break", just as much as it's okay to say "I'm just coming out of a depressive episode" or "I think I'm having an anxiety attack" or "I suffered PTSD for a few years".

Especially in circles meant to discuss mental illness.

When your friend tells you of their terrifying hallucinations, or their delusions that don't make any sense to you, or their paranoias, please, please, just be there and listen, if you can. Ask questions, check in, see how they're doing. Our struggles may look different, but we're still experiencing pain and fear and loneliness.

And if you need to be able to relate to someone to feel compassion, I urge you to relate to that.